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Kotomi Offline
Divine {Odinaa}
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Name: Kotomi
Age: 26
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Location: ID

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Join Date: January 14th 2009

I can't take it... - May 19th 2009, 12:30 AM

My Dad is just...something else. From personal issues to school work >> he'll
point out all of my flaws every time we get in a fight, which we fight at least twice a week.

I am at the point where I'm either going to snap and fling things everywhere or just...end it all.
I seriously can't take his crap anymore. He ASSUMES that I don't care about school and that I
only care for myself. WHICH IS TOTALLY WRONG. I'd rather take care of others than myself
and this school is really hard.

My dad keeps on saying "You are just like your mother. You want to be miserable for the rest
of your life." That is not true either. I don't want to be miserable and I haven't been so for a
couple of months after we moved from Idaho to Virginia. I'm not a GO GO GO type of person at
all...and I guess I'm kind of a slob.

But I don't think that he has the right to make fun of me for being fat or call me names or even
call me out as a "messed up" person. I hate the fact that he keeps on saying that I'm miserable
when I'm not even close...but he has caused me to believe that I am nothing but a piece of s**t
who shouldn't bother with life anymore.

I know it's absolutely ridiculous to let someone influence my feelings like that..but I'm a weak person.
I want out of here...whether it's back to my Mom's Hell Hole in Idaho or stay here and end up killing myself.


   
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dancer Offline
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Re: I can't take it... - May 19th 2009, 12:49 AM

Hey Brittney,

*hugs* don't listen to your dad, hun. Parents sometimes don't realize how caustic the stuff they say can be.

Because you're right, he definitely should NOT make fun of you in any way. You're a perfectly valid person, and he should treat you with all the respect that you definitely deserve.

And hun, you're definitely NOT a piece of shit. I promise. You matter a beautiful lot.

And you deserve to take care of yourself - whether that means maybe whacking a pillow around a bit, or finding chances to get out of your house - any friends you could call up, or a park or anything you could go for a walk in?

Hang in there


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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LiveLaughLove Offline
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Re: I can't take it... - May 19th 2009, 12:53 AM

Brittney,
you are most definitely not a weak person. You're a beautiful person, like any other
Its just hard, living in a situation like that, and it can make you feel as if you're not strong, or not worth it, even when you are. It seems to me as if your dad has a lot of pain inside of him... he must be pretty shattered about everything with your mom. He probably resents himself for it, resents her for it, and in turn, anything that reminds him of her. Unfortunately, his biggest reminder would most naturally be you; you're their child. I know that its not easy, to have someone you're supposed to be so close to hurt you so deeply; of course he should speak to you kindly, and treat you as you deserve to be treated. But people don't always do what they should... they get fed up and upset, they blame themselves and others, they love and they're angry... often times all at once. You're both going through some things that can feel very heavy on your shoulders... and so naturally its going to be difficult to see where the other person is coming from. Maybe you're not as mindful as he'd like you to be on some levels. And it certainly seems that he isn't as understanding as you'd like him to be, in general... and I'm sorry that that's hurting you. But it might be just a little bit easier if you remember that you're both having trouble understanding one another. Of course, thats no reason for him to hurt your feelings that way... none at all. But we're all only human, you know? And even though it may really hurt, its god to try to acknowledge that you are who you chose to be. What he says about you, anything he may call you... does not define you in any way. You define yourself. ~ Anyway, I hope that helps.
Feel free to PM me anytime if you want to talk.

Peace&Love,

Simone.


PM anytime (: ................ ☮ ♥ ♪ ♫ la la di da : )
i am beautiful because that's how i see myself.
talented, because i have confidence in what i do.
scarred because at times, i couldn't take it.
strong, because one day, i chose to be.
loveable because i've learned to love myself.
and also because, same as everyone else,
i was born that way.
   
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