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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
fallingji Offline
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i feel like killing myself - May 19th 2009, 01:35 AM

I just had a fight with my mum and she said that from now on she isn't my mother anymore. She said I was not worth it. My dad didn't defend me. I am never right. They always talk like they are the only ones who feel miserable and I am always the guilty one. I never have the right to say what I am feeling even though I have my pain too. Since three years I've lived through hell.

Why do I always have to be the one who says sorry??
Why only their pain is considered?

I feel so alone, and homeless. My bf lives so far away. My mum doesn't want of me I guess. Where will I be going this time. Ive thought about ending my life so many times. But I guess this time is THE time.

And there is my brother. He was just born. I hate to say this, but hes like a second chance for my parents. Since he came into our family everything changed.

help me please
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
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Re: i feel like killing myself - May 19th 2009, 01:46 AM

Hey Ji,

I'm so sorry to hear about what's been happening! Sometimes parents don't realize the effect they have on their own kids, and sometimes the dynamic in families can just get out of balance for a little while.

But hun, that definitely does NOT mean that you aren't a freaking valid and important part of it. I'm so sorry that right now you're feeling like you don't have anywhere to go to be you - I understand how that feels. Is there any chance there's a nearby park or something you could take a walk to, to just get some "you" time? Or anything else you could do to help remind you of the stuff that you like, all the reasons that you really do matter so much?

Because you definitely deserved to be considered, to be heard, to be cared about.

And we definitely do that here.

Ji, this definitely does not have to be "the" time. In fact, there doesn't have to be and shouldn't have to be any time.

Hang in there. And feel free to PM me anytime!


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
star_crossd Offline
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Re: i feel like killing myself - May 19th 2009, 01:47 AM

Hey Ji. I'm sorry about the fight you and your mom had. Things get said in the heat of the moment that people don't really mean. I'm sure she was just angry and she didn't mean that, okay?

just give things a chance to cool down a bit, alright? I know it seems hopeless now, but honey please dont do anything to hurt yourself. We're always here for you.

What has changed since your brother was born?


Yesterday I saw you kissing tiny flowers
But everything that lives is born to die
And so I say to you that nothing really matters
And all you do is stand and cry.


Music is life. Start living.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
fallingji Offline
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Re: i feel like killing myself - May 19th 2009, 06:00 AM

Well thank you. I took a walk yes and had a hard time coming back.
The problem is when my mum gets mad she takes ages to cool off, so until she decides to talk to me again I am like stranger at home. And even though she didn't mean the things she said, she did it so many times. Everytime it gets harder to bare. We have been fighting for years like that.

I try not to believe her but whts the point of life when those who gave you life cnt even accept you...

if im still here it's because I just made a promise to my boyfriend. If it wasnt for him then I wouldnt be here right now.

Sorry if I have so much to say but I need to be listened...
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i feel like killing myself - May 19th 2009, 06:11 AM

Hey Ji :]
I think that a lot of people have a hard time dealing with their anger at times, and it kind of sounds like your mom seems to be one of the those types of people. I'm sure she doesn't mean the things that she says to you personally, but rather she can't control herself when she does say them. I'd try not to let it get to you to much, because I know that your mom more than likely really does care about you and wants you around.

Have you ever tried talking to her about how she handles her anger? Maybe asking her what it is that you could do to try and make things better between the two of you, and then maybe asking her if she would mind doing certain things in return, to make it easier for the two of you to get along? When she does get mad, it's a good idea to steer clear of her for awhile, and just give her some time to herself so that she can be able to cool off for awhile, and now say more things that hurt you when you again approach her.

You don't have to apologize for having a lot to say, either. Everyone does at times. If you ever need anything I'm always here. Take care





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i feel like killing myself - May 21st 2009, 12:15 AM

Ji,

You have a lot of courage to talk about such a painful subject on the huge internet community. Yes, everyone here might be trustworthy, but it's still difficult to bring up painful situations. Sometimes, we have to relive them to fully understand our feelings towards them. If we simply push things into the back of our minds, it can easily build up and cause attacks.

As for your parents and their actions towards you, that is a very hurtful thing to hear from people who are always supposed to love and take care of you. Giving up on you like that is something they should never do and you need to know not to blame yourself, okay? Parents just don't understand or listen to us kids anymore because our young age makes us naive to them. They don't understand the problems we're dealing or why self harm is such a big stress reliever. It's their loss for closing you off, you're a very special person and you deserve more than your parents. They need to learn how to handle situations better and be more supportive. In all honesty, I believe your parents need help too. Maybe you should discuss the possibility of family and individual counseling for each of you. This way, communication can be opened between all of you and you can also talk about issues you're not comfortable with alone. You don't ever get a second chance at life Ji, at least, no one can say for sure. Don't throw away your chance to live because you're in a rough patch. Surely your life is good sometimes and we need to live for those reasons and not the bad. With work, all this pain will bring you to a good place in your life. You just need to hang on. There is never a right time to end your life.

Try to hang in there and remember all the good qualities you bring into peoples lives. Good qualities that no one else can or will ever like you. We need you here to help us all get through our hard times. That's what a community does, supports one another at weak points. I don't intend to back away from that statement either. Stay positive and remember how special of a person you are to people and the world. Take care and PM if you need anything.

~Stay strong and have faith.


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Baby stand tall. You can have it all.

Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine..
   
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Re: i feel like killing myself - May 21st 2009, 06:36 AM

Hi Ji,

we like listening So say anything you'd like to.

And Ji, I'm sorry to hear that you and your mom have been fighting for so long - I understand how much it can hurt, putting up with stuff like that time after time. But it's important to remember that it doesn't mean that anything's wrong with you, that you don't matter just as much even when others don't recognize that.

No matter how those who are supposed to love you treat you, you deserved to be loved. If life were a math equation, dignity wouldn't be a variable; it'd be a constant.

Wow, I've been spewing out metaphors lately...

I'm glad that you have the promise to your boyfriend as a reason, but you deserve to see that you have more than that as a reason, too. You yourself are a reason - you deserve to promise yourself that because ... (fill in one of the gagillion reasons involving your awesomeness), you know that you deserve to keep fighting. Because in this case, as long as you do, you'll win the war against whatever it is you're facing.

And we're here to help


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
fallingji Offline
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Re: i feel like killing myself - May 22nd 2009, 02:06 AM

Thank you for all these words, it made me feel alot better. You know, I really appreciate. No one ever said such a thing like I was a reason.

But if my parents need help, how am I going to talk about it?
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i feel like killing myself - May 23rd 2009, 05:26 AM

well im glad you havent made any hasty decisions
but have you ever tried just trying to sit down with your parents and explain from where your coming from?
i know thats like a huge thing to do
so you could probably try and see the school counsler or a nieghbor or a close friend or a trusted person and ask them to help you figure it out what to do

I wish you the best of luck I am always here

~nita
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  (#10 (permalink)) Old
franz1 Offline
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Re: i feel like killing myself - May 24th 2009, 02:35 AM

first alot of people care about u believe me.
second try these numbers:
teen suicide hotline24/7 1800-suicide
they can help you i have recomended many other people to this and they all say it helped.

also try this hotline
teencrisisline:1800-448-4663.
maybe this number to
GENERAL CRISIS COUNCILEING:1-800-785-8111

hope this helps
NOTE:ALL HOTLINE SERVICES ARE 100% FREE TO GENERAL PUBLIC


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​“Levity helps keep far more insidious things at bay.”
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“Feeling safe is something we all need.”
Dr. Will Zimmerman, “Sanctuary For All”
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“We learn more from failure than from success.”
Nikola Tesla, “END OF NIGHTS” PART II
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