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RL7X Offline
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What is wrong with me? - August 1st 2016, 11:15 PM

Hey there. Ever since elementary school it was really hard for me to socialize. I never knew how to talk to people or what to talk about. I felt like everyone else was perfectly fine and I was just a piece of shit. Like I'm worthless and no one wanted me around. But I never really thought about it until I was thirteen and started cutting and feeling depressed. But at the same time I realized my only friends were popular and I was still not and I thought if I had a chance to start over maybe things would turn out different but whenever I got into new groups of people everyone somehow avoided me. I don't think I'm that ugly but could it be that I have some kind of loser attitude? I often wonder why I would even keep on living. Pls help.
   
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Re: What is wrong with me? - August 2nd 2016, 01:00 AM

Hi,

To be honest, I don't think there's anything wrong with you. Life is pretty different for everyone. Sometimes people do socialize better than others and kind of a gift for it, you know? I was never one to make friends very easily in school either. Sure, I had friends who were popular but I did always feel like the odd one out like no one really cared if I was there or not.

I don't think you're a piece of crap as you said or worthless either. Not being able to make friends easily does not make you either of those things at all. It could also be that you just haven't met the right people yet! Do you partake in any groups or clubs at your school or have any hobbies? These are great ways to meet people that share your interests - which can help the friendships be longer lasting. It also reminds me of something I learned in class (Wow never thought I'd use something from class here on TeenHelp haha.)

Anyway Aristotle has three views on friendships - Ones of Utility, Ones of Pleasure, and Virtuous Friendship. Each of these are okay. Utility is like your classmates they're there because you literally have to be. This can also be like people you see at church but don't talk to a lot, or a doctor. The next kind is of pleasure which is like your friends that share your interests and partake in pleasurable activities like hanging out and doing fun things together. The highest form is virtuous. Which are friends that we all should strive for that bring us to be the best person we are and genuinely care for us as people.

Of course it does take a bit to get to that point and when you're fifteen, you aren't going to meet a lot of those types of people. Maybe a handful if that. But the best thing I've found is by treating everyone with genuine kindness is the greatest way to make friends. It does attract people to you and if some people don't want to be your friend: That is there loss.

I'm really sorry that you have been struggling with this along with depression and self harm. Did the fact that you don't have a lot of friends add on to that as a reason or was there something else that contributed to you feeling like this? I really encourage you to talk to someone close to you about it. I know friends are a little out of the question but what about adults or staff members at your school? They can be great resources to help you with not only the depression and self harm, but also getting to know more classmates and making long lasting friendships as well. I think it's worth a shot if you think about it!

Self harm can seem like a good coping mechanism and I turn to it too. But it makes things worse in the long run and does not help us one bit. if anything it makes things harder and worse. There are better options. Like alternatives, talking it out with someone, planning out solutions when you're feeling like cutting, and so much more. Here's a great list of some alternatives we have here on the site.

I really hope that this helps you at least a little bit. I also want to add that my inbox is always open should you ever need it or if you want a friend. TeenHelp has so many great people, and I've definitely made some great long lasting friendships here. It has also helped me learn some more social skills to get out of my bubble and make more friends outside of the site as well. I encourage you to use the site and branch out!

Stay strong.


"You'll have to decide for yourself. Walk on your own. Move forward. You've got a strong pair of legs, Rose. You should get up and use them."
   
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Re: What is wrong with me? - August 2nd 2016, 02:28 AM

Hello.

I think that one reason why its a little more difficult for you to mix around is because you don't really believe in yourself that much. When things happen,and you get into social situations.. your mind thinks about what could go wrong more than what could go right. Take a chance, get into a group.. and it doesn't matter if you fail at first. Everyone starts somewhere, and you deserve to give yourself the chance to be happy, to be surrounded by people who could be your bosom friends in one way or another. Give yourself a chance, and know that you deserve good friends, good buddies and good times.

Most of all, just believe in yourself and don't ever doubt you. You are good enough, and anyone who says you aren't really, really needs to get to know you better.

If you need a friend, or someone to talk to.. I'll be around.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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