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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
BreathingIn Offline
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How do you stay positive? - August 11th 2016, 05:36 AM

I work really hard to try to achieve my goals. I'm a good person, I honestly am. I treat everyone with respect and kindness, even when I don't feel like it.

But there are always people who are mean. I guess I have thin skin, I'll admit it. I get angry because I don't understand why SO MANY people are so mean. It's not hard to just be nice, or at least be quiet.

I've been called many terrible things by a lot of different people, including bosses and teachers. My family is normal and all that, but the outside world is so cruel. I don't understand

How do you stay positive when so many people are just plain mean? I feel like I want to give up on working hard and trying to build a life for myself, and sit at home all day watching tv. It's so degrading to be verbally abused by everyone (besides my family and friends). The rest of the world seems to hate me. It's been happening since I was a kid. I feel like something is wrong with me, like I'm mentally slow or something, even though I'm not. But people are treating me like I'm dumb.

What are some ways to stay positive and keep moving towards my goals?
   
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Re: How do you stay positive? - August 11th 2016, 06:11 AM

I suppose that what you can do is ignore what people say. These people just mostly say stupid things in order to control you, and remember that you're better than you think you are. I suppose that I'm one to talk, since I'm not really in such a good situation myself... just stay strong and continue to do your best, whatever happens.

Ignore the haters, they will be there. You'll find people who appreciate you and love you for who you are.


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Re: How do you stay positive? - August 11th 2016, 08:17 AM

Hey there,

I'm sorry that people are being so nasty to you, but the other poster is right - your best shot is just to ignore what they say. Realistically, these people probably face way more problems than you, whether they be external or internal, and them being mean to you is their way of lashing out at the world. They feel better when other people feel just as miserable as they are. And I'm not trying to explain away what they're doing, because it's still very wrong, but hopefully, keeping this in mind will make it easier to ignore the things they say. Your worth and value has nothing to do with what they say about you or what their opinion about you is. You are you, and the only opinion that matters is yours (and maybe your family and friends' too).

Oh and also, don't react to their nastiness! If they fail to get a reaction from you, then they will be less likely to say bad things about you in the future. Being mean simply isn't that entertaining when the object of abuse refuses to stoop down to their level

Hope this helped and feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk!

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Re: How do you stay positive? - August 11th 2016, 01:49 PM

There is someone I see every so often, and no matter what my original mood is before seeing them, or how hard I try to stay afloat when I see them, I plummet down somehow and want to give up on living. Sometimes I anticipate their presence but sometimes it takes days to recover from being around them.

Something important is to let yourself sit with your feelings, and what the person has said. If you rush back into trying to be positive too fast, I feel like it's harder to process what has happened and it ends up festering inside. Don't sit for too long, though, either. Because that can make it harder to get back up.

I have a few ways of "escaping" when the person is around. My bedroom is a relatively safe place, and I will read, watch TV, paint, color, or come on here. Recently I've done some lawn work and made a secluded place on the back of the house and I've been doing there when I need a few minutes to myself.

One thing you can do (I'm still working on this) is to tell yourself that this is just the way that person is, and there's nothing you can do about it. Only they can control themselves. By telling yourself this, you kind of lower your expectations of the person and you get less disappointed over time.

Before my mood goes back up a little, I like to write about my recent experiences with the person. What they've said or done, how it makes me feel, etc. I like to write so sometimes I'll write a poem about it and run it over and over in my head to get it out of my system.

How I try to keep positive overall, is to acknowledge all the good. Even the little things. I am easily amused (for lack of a better word). I will stop and think about the good things that have happened during the day, or stop and think about them when they happen. When I am really struggling I'll try to pick something out of it to make it the slightest bit more bearable. For instance, I had to go to a funeral of someone I was very close to, and I told myself that I was with my family members I love the most and that made it more tolerable. But for me, little things like going swimming with my brothers, listening to my favorite song, going for a ride in the car, or watching the rain are positive. They're enough to make me smile, and they all add up and help me keep as positive as I can be. Going through a lot in your life makes you able to appreciate the little things.

You can try talking to yourself, too. Sometimes when I am very anxious or panicky I tell myself that it's okay, I'm going to be okay, and I'm going to get through whatever it is because it won't last forever even if it feels like it. I'll usually make some kind of marker for myself to get to, like a certain time of day, or maybe a task or an outing I'm looking forward to.

I think keeping positive is a lot of work, and a lot of self-talk, but you can do it.



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Re: How do you stay positive? - August 11th 2016, 06:00 PM

I have a hard time saying "ignore" because that can turn into emotional suppression which isn't healthy. I think ultimately, it comes down to accepting that you can't avoid everyone who is mean to you but having enough positive self-talk to get through those moments. Also spending more time with people who appreciate you. Anything that helps you practice self care and release emotions so you can cope. What you're going through sounds so tough. These people sound like they know very little about who you are and what your potential is.

I'm in a similar situation in that it seems everyone (strangers, teachers, bosses, peers, authority figure, medical professionals, mental health professionals) seem to find there's something wrong with me. But the situation at home is also really difficult and my relatives behave in that nasy wayyou ddescribe too. So it comes down to the few exceptions, like certain teachers and professors, a couple of friends, and online friends mostly etc

For example, my father said I ruin people's lives but I remind myself (as many times as it takes because self-doubt tends to torment me) that there are people who love me and appreciate my presence and whose lives I improve.
As for bosses, I recently left my job after experiencing this kind of verbal stuff and it was psychological too and a host of things. But I know it is most likely inconvenient to constantly be changing jobs, I feel you on that. It IS possible to find a work environment that matches your priorities.

I've had the feeling that something is wrong with me. I realize though, even if I were disabled, that's no way to treat someone, it is no justification. So say you were the "dumbest" person ever, that's still no excuse to be abusive towards you. You still deserve a life of dignity and respect. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, even yourself!

Back to positive self talk, I find self compassion to be something I'm working on. I think in the long run, it will come more naturally. It sucks that childhood we are taught all these lies about yourself and wind up as adults trying to heal, but it is possible to get through this. You'll find others who care, who are sensitive, who are kind. If there is one thing that the internet taught me is that there are people just like us everywhere-people who've been broken and are trying to put back the pieces.
   
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Re: How do you stay positive? - August 16th 2016, 08:39 AM

-Spend time positive people.
-Take responsibility for your behaviour
-Read good and inspirational stories that could really inspire you in your situation.
-Replace and recognise the negative thoughts.
-Establish the work towards the goal than keeping it for the longer time or wasting time on planning. It doesn't mean You needn't plan. but don't spend too much time on that.
- Be thankful to whatever you receive.
- Make a habit to enjoy whatever you do.


Keep smiling
   
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