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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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I think of dying every morning. - August 12th 2016, 01:10 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm not sure what to do next.

Feeling very empty on the inside... and I can't wait for too long.

My strength is at an end.

I promised a lot of people to not die, and without those promises I would definitely be in the afterlife right now.

But even my determination is running out, and i dont have much strength left.

Thats right, even my last frontier the "if I die , other people will feel sad " barrier .. is now being breached.

Is this goodbye?


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I think of dying every morning. - August 12th 2016, 01:13 AM

Please see the advice given to you on your other threads. Don't just wait around, try and do something to get out of this hole. Use your strength to get help, you can do it.



"We all have battle scars, Finn. Suck it up and build a brace for yours."
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I think of dying every morning. - August 12th 2016, 01:14 AM

Please. Seek. Help. I can't say that enough. I don't want to lose you and of course nobody on here wants to see you hurting either. I think that it is really good that you are venting and I definitely think you should make more of a use of the blogs area when you are feeling low too so you have somewhere to vent, or maybe even keep a physical journal if you think physically writing it out would be beneficial.

But I really do think it is getting to a point where just venting about it on here is not enough. You do seem worried that you are going to give one day, and these thoughts do not seem to be going away. They seem to be a constant.

There comes a time where you have to admit that you need help, and I do think that this time is now. If you think you are in immediate danger of doing anything I really do urge you to go to an emergency room. If not maybe try to get an appointment in to your doctor so they can help you and refer you to a therapist. It maybe scary but they honestly do care and that's why they got into their job. It definitely isn't for the money.

You deserve someone who is able to sit down and talk to you without bias. And they'd be that person. And you deserve the help and you deserve to move past this and recover. You really do.


   
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Re: I think of dying every morning. - August 12th 2016, 01:20 AM

Thanks. yeah.. they're a constant now.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: I think of dying every morning. - August 12th 2016, 01:40 AM

Something that helps me when I feel suicidal is thinking how if I killed myself to get away from my own pain, I would only be passing in and giving that same pain to people that care about me. People like my mom, my friends in really life, and friends on TeenHelp. TH n I really look at how I'm feeling and think if I really would want them to feel this way because of my premature death. I wouldn't. And it was just enough to get me through the day. I hope it might help you some. It's not meant to make you feel bad, but to think about ending the cycle of this.

I really do urge you to seek professional help from a therapist or psychiatrist. Or both. The more professionals there to support you, the better. You really need to take care of yourself. You are so strong, Darren. Don't forget that.

Hang in there. <3


“There is nothing beautiful about the wreckage of a human being.
There is nothing pretty about damage, about pain, about heartache.
What is beautiful is their strength, their resilience, their fortitude
as they display an ocean of courage when they pick through the
wreckage of their life to build something beautiful brand new,
against every odd that is stacked against them.” — Nikita Gill
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I think of dying every morning. - August 12th 2016, 02:00 AM

I've lasted a month now because of that, but the thoughts are corroding that last barrier. Im kind of wishing that a miracle will happen, and that she will return again, but knowing my luck in life that won't happen.

I'm not sure whats next for me, really. I'll try the suggestions you girls asked me to, but if that doesn't work out.. then..

I'll be okay.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: I think of dying every morning. - August 12th 2016, 10:17 PM

Making it this past month only shows that you're strong enough to beat this. I know you miss this person very very much, and losing someone can be very difficult on anyone. But you cannot let this determine how your life goes or ends. That's not a good way for anyone to live. I know everyone else has suggested seeking professional help, and I know I have many times too, but it is something you really need. You're trying really hard, we all can see that, but sometimes we need that extra push just to help us. Please seek it out. It was the best decision of my life. I think it could be one of yours too. You need someone who can help you cope with what has happened and help you get through it.

As always, I'm here for you if you need me.


"You'll have to decide for yourself. Walk on your own. Move forward. You've got a strong pair of legs, Rose. You should get up and use them."
   
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Re: I think of dying every morning. - August 13th 2016, 12:46 PM

Going a month without hurting yourself is great, it really is. But I want to stress the importance of getting help. The state you are in is not sustainable. It takes so much energy trying to keep yourself safe on your own. If you talked to a professional they can help you help yourself better. You can expand your coping resources, you can learn new skills and process what you're going through.

It is all about the stories we tell ourselves and how we frame it. Therapy can teach you to see yourself as a survivor instead of a worthless person who should die. You will learn to see yourself as someone who has resilience in times of such hardship and strength to overcome it even though you thought you couldn't.
You might be able to create a safety plan with a therapist, that way you discuss what you can do to keep yourself safe. And if you still can't, they can help you find other services and levels of care.

You're probably scared, but you gotta at least try. Before you ride it out. you never know until you try.
   
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Re: I think of dying every morning. - August 13th 2016, 02:02 PM

I'll take your advice.. and i'll make sure to get help. I hope that i'll be able to help other people enjoy better lives too later.

For now, i gotta recover first.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: I think of dying every morning. - August 13th 2016, 03:03 PM

Hey, Darren, look... I understand you have this need to do some sort of repention for all the errors of your ways in the past and help others, but you have got to put yourself first. Everyone has been telling you you need professional help, and you do. Don't worry about us and helping others right now, because this is the time when it's OKAY TO BE SELFISH, Darren. Seriously, please get help.
   
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Re: I think of dying every morning. - August 13th 2016, 03:13 PM

If you don't be selfish in seeking help, when you are out trying to help others, you will likely get burntout and triggered simply because you hadn't been working on your own issues. You cannot ignore yourself anymore. It is like that saying about putting your own oxygen mask first. You can't be dying and trying to save lives. It isn't practical nor sustainable.

Okay, now that you agreed on getting help. What is one thing you can do in the next week towards seeking help? How about you start with speaking to your GP or primary care doctor and telling him/her what you're going through. Write it down if you think you're going to blank out or shut down. You can do this. You NEED to do this.
Look I planned it all out for you:
1. Find phone number of GP
2. Dial number of GP
3. Positive self talk if you freak out
4. Deep breathing
5. Set up an appointment
6. Or if no one answers, leave a message

Do you think you can do these steps Darren? Sometimes saving a person's life, is about saving your own life. You're a person too, Darren
   
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Re: I think of dying every morning. - August 13th 2016, 03:58 PM

I can do these steps

Thanks! I'll be able to do it slowly but surely.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: I think of dying every morning. - August 13th 2016, 05:20 PM

We'll be thinking of you Darren! You've got all these wonderful people backing you up. You can do it.


"You'll have to decide for yourself. Walk on your own. Move forward. You've got a strong pair of legs, Rose. You should get up and use them."
   
  (#14 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I think of dying every morning. - August 13th 2016, 06:40 PM

Thanks Lauren I'll do my very best.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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