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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Unhappy Thought I was Out - August 17th 2016, 01:36 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

It's been a while since I was last here. Somehow I remembered part of my username and my password (I searched the part I remembered and boom an old post of mine popped up).

So, a lot has happened recently and I'm feeling really overwhelmed. I recently moved out of my home (mum kicked me out), I moved in with my boyfriend who I have been dating for the past four and a half months and his mother and sister, I'm nearly finished my first year at uni and soon will be going on two holidays with my loving partner. But, as I said, I am feeling overwhelmed. Right now, as he sleeps by my side, I've been crying on and off and to get him to not worry about me I pissed him off... (FYI< I hate that part of myself...) We are okay, by the way, we patched things up when he woke briefly. But I feel like... well I don't even know, I feel down and semi-suicidal, like the dam I built against those thoughts is cracking from the force of them... And the stupid thing is, our room is like a pharmacy right now coz we have both been recently sick so all the pills and shit is in here and I am scared that is those thoughts completely break through I will do something stupid... I don't want to wake him up and be like dude help me, he isn't used to me being like this... this is my first really bad night in a while and it's killing me inside coz I'm trying to pull myself together but I'm out of practice!! Please help me!! Or give me suggestions!


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Re: Thought I was Out - August 17th 2016, 02:10 PM

Hey there!

I'm sorry that you're feeling like this now, when you thought you'd put that part of your life behind you. I think the main thing you need to do right now is breathe and try to calm yourself down a bit. It's normal and okay to have these thoughts again, and trying to force them out is only going to make it harder to stop thinking about them. It's obvious that you're in a much better place now than you were before, so that's at least one massive thing that's going for you at the moment! It's totally ok to feel overwhelmed and want to take a breather, and you can. Give yourself some time to relax and look at everything you've achieved since the last time you've had these thoughts. Honestly, it just sounds like you've been a bit overworked and need some rest

As for your partner, I think you should let him know how you've been feeling. Making him mad at you so that he won't worry (which you should probably tell him about too) is not a long term solution, and he wants to be there for you anyways!

I hope this helped a bit and feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk!

Kyra
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Re: Thought I was Out - August 17th 2016, 02:16 PM

Hey Kyra,

Thanks for the message. I just don't know what I can do right now. I'm hating that my mind could so easily go back to these thoughts and how easy it is to feel comfortable with them and not guilty. I have had a suicide letter written since early this year (I write a new one each year, its a kind of way of coping coz its like, I won another year) and I opened that and added to it and it was like a routine, like I was getting ready for something...
   
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Re: Thought I was Out - August 17th 2016, 03:12 PM

Well, I don't think there's really a need to read too much into you adding onto the letter, if you have it as a routine to remind yourself that you've won another year.

Maybe just remembering what there is for you here in this world will help with your thoughts, if you're so guilty about having them? Remember, you don't just win year by year. You also win day by day!
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Re: Thought I was Out - August 21st 2016, 09:32 AM

I think that what you can do is to remind yourself that once you overcome these thoughts and move on, you'll be experiencing a lot of happy times and stuff. Also, one more thing.... the dam that you build is stronger than you think it is, because you're not alone. We are there to support you too, and we too want things to get better for you.. you'll always have us to support you and don't you ever forget that.

You're loved, you're cared for and there's more to your life than this suffering.. you're born to be happy and I promise you that you're going to be happy.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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