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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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How can I live when I want to die? - September 7th 2016, 03:01 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I've been suicidal for the last two years, what has stopped me is the people who love me and the fear of what happens after death, but there is no inch of me that wants to live. I feel worthless and am certain the rest of this life will be miserable because of the decisions I've made. I think about death all the time, have planned out how to do it and even purchased weapons. I can't die because those who love me need me but I have zero motivation or energy. I can barely go to work. I'm angry and upset all the time I want to run away. It's been this way for so long.

How do I do it? How do I go on living when there's no point? When I don't care about life what so ever.
   
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Re: How can I live when I want to die? - September 7th 2016, 08:58 AM

Ok, this might be a little bit messy because it's almost 3am but bear with me.

First, I want to applaud you for hanging on these past few years. You may not see it as an accomplishment but I do and I want to acknowledge that. It takes a lot of strength to continue living and I think it is important for you to realize this, especially on days when you are feeling especially down.

Second, are you seeing a therapist? Are you currently on any medications? I would highly recommend seeing a therapist if you are not already. I know the idea can be scary but seeking professional help is a step in the right direction. I would also recommend talking to your loved ones (assuming you have not already) about your depression/suicidal thoughts, they can help support you down the road.

Third, have you tried keeping a journal? Writing can be very therapeutic and will also allow you to vent/release feelings in a safe way. Also, have you thought about writing a reason for living each day? Basically what you do is think of a reason (or multiple) for living each day. This helps motivate you to continue fighting and also reminds you how important life is.

I hope this helped, if you have any questions, concerns, or need someone to talk to, feel free to private message me on here and I will try to get back as soon as possible.

Stay strong,
Ash


   
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Re: How can I live when I want to die? - September 7th 2016, 03:54 PM

Hi There-

I'm sorry It sounds like you are really struggling.... Just because you have made decisions that you regret does not mean that your life is over. I know that it may feel like that I have made decisions that I am not proud of, we all have made decision we regret. The important thing is to learn from your mistakes and forgive yourself so that you can move on with your life.

I know that may sound impossible but I assure that it is NOT impossible. You are not alone!

I think that reaching out to a close friend or mental health professional could help you a lot. Please reach out life is worth living you can learn from this and move on and be happy!

If you need to talk you are welcome to PM me anytime!

Stay Strong,
- Junior


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Re: How can I live when I want to die? - September 7th 2016, 04:14 PM

Hey there,

I'm so sorry you've had to struggle so much over the past few years, but I think it'ssomething to be so proud of that you haven't given into the urges. That in itself is an achievement and it's one of the many reasons you should keep fighting this - you've come this far, don't give up.

One way you could regain some optimism about life is to write down something beautiful/happy every day. Keep a journal and, whatever it is, write it down or draw a picture, so that when you're struggling to see the point, you can be reminded of them. It doesn't have to be something huge, it can be anything. It could be the colour of the sky or a cute dog you saw - you could even create a scrap book and take photographs so you can see them again when yu're struggling to picture anything better than the way you're feeling. It could even be a funny joke you heard or remembered. That way, you might slowly beable to pick up on more and more positive little things that really can give your life a purpose.

I think it might also help to tell someone about the weapon and plans. The people you're still here for must be pretty amazing, and I'm sure that one of them would listen to you if you needed them. I know that if my friend/family member was going through something so absolute terrible, I'd want them to feel they could tell me. If you can, write them a letter or chat for a bit, they may be able to help you find a way to overcome this thtat you haven't tried already. Sometimes and outsiders help can be really useful.

Please try to keep strong. You do have a lot to live for even if you don'tsee it. There's the future and the past, the memories you have and the ones you're going to make. You can beat this, just like millions of others do every day.
   
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Re: How can I live when I want to die? - September 8th 2016, 08:03 AM

Hello there.

There are plenty of reasons for you to live. There's a lot out there for you and you just need to know how to see blessings in things that caused you pain in the past... and perhaps if you changed your point of view, things would be better. You definitely need to know what you can do to get out of this situation because the way I see it, your life can be a lot better if you take the right steps. Give yourself something to look forward to, something to make you happy and something to enable you to overcome all of the bad memories you had.

You must have went through a lot and I want things to get better for you.. if you need someone to rant to or just a friend, you can count on me. I'll be here.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: How can I live when I want to die? - September 8th 2016, 09:42 PM

Hello!

Firstly, what such a GREAT and massive achievement to still be here fighting after feeling suicidal for so long. You deserve so much for that.

I am going to be honest and tell you I have been where you have and now I relise that actually when I was there, I was holding on, and that was because something was keeping me here. When I got really low recently, I tried to kill myself severeal times while in hospital to the point where I was stripped naked, put into anti ligature clothing and placed on maximum observations for several weeks. That was a point where actually even though Ii was scared about what would happen after death and even though I didn't want to hurt those around me, I'd had enough and it was no longer enough to keep me here sot he fact that those things have helped you to keep holding on for life for so long is absolutely incredible. Be proud of yourself!

Are you in any therapy or counseling? If not it is definitely something that I would look into If I were you. It sounds like it might be really helpful for you and the place that you are in emotionally and mentally so have a think about it.

In the meantime keep doing what you're doing. Build on positive events and experiences, keep active, stay safe, keep busy, use skills and distractions and keep fighting at it. You're doing it!! So keep on going.

Jessie


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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