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almost......... - September 18th 2016, 05:42 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I was sitting on the floor with my "method" in my hand I was ready I had my note on my computer and I couldn't do it. I am a unlovable, pathetic looser no matter how hard I try I just can't do anything right. I just can't.... I can't even kill myself without screwing up. I am truly pathetic I hurt all the time. I hate myself... I will be forever alone... I have no one, no cares, I try to help people in anyway I can and when I need help there no one just more abuse and loneliness....

I try so hard but no more I give up..... I'm just done.... life has finally broken me....


"your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start."

-Nido Qubein

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Re: almost......... - September 18th 2016, 12:24 PM

Hey Junior,
I am glad you didn't hurt yourself with the method you had. I've been in a similar place before. The last time I was that way was not too long ago. And I know I'm not too far from the edge either. In that way I can really relate to what you're going thtough,. But I'm glad you talked about it here because keeping it a secret makes it so much heavier. And I hope that coming here helped a little.

. i remrmber talking to you in chat. Try to shut the voices out that say youre a pathetic loser. Thats the stupid voice! Youre a sweet caring perspn who is struggling and can maybe use a hug...or 5 Im sorry life is treating you so tough right now.

I just wanted to let you know that my access to internet is limited and while in the past I sat with online friends, till early morning, it is not something I can do with the current restrictions I have. I still care though and I'm in chat pretty regularly. Please feel free to stop by if you need to talk. Whether it is to me or someone else. You can also put the help icon by your name or go to the support advice room and that's usually enough indication.
You can also VM/PM or better yet PM me and then VM me that you PMed me
I'm also positive there are other THers here who would offer to talk too. Please reach out to the site's full capacity. Blogging has helped me sort through my feelings and when you get into it regularly, you may start to notice it helping. Anything that helps counts for something.

That all said, I'm wondering if you have in person support in place? It is important to feel safe and sometimes that can be with a person, or a place or an animal. It can also be engaging in certain activities. Or telling yourself certain mottos that are refreshing. I have a few favorite quotes and reminding myself of those help me. Not everything that works for me will work for you. But I encourage you to keep trying different things. You will find something you really resonate with and it can become your go-to thing when you feel this low.
I'm wondering if you see a professional or go to therapy at all? Sometimes counselors and therapists have a way you can reach them over the week if you need to. Sometimes they would let you have an earlier session or additional sessions that week.
Please take care, Junior and reach out here again.
Let us know how you're feeling now.

Last edited by ~Radio Flyer~; September 18th 2016 at 12:40 PM.
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Palmolive Offline
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Jeez, get a life!
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Re: almost......... - September 18th 2016, 10:30 PM


Do you know what? The first time I attempted to kill myself was so hard. It was like, it was horrible. I think it does take strength to do something like this to yourself but I also think it takes a lot of strength to resist the urges and to move on from them. I think you should be proud of yourself.

I do not know what has gone on to make you feel this way but I do want you to know that if you want to talk about it then we're all here for you, I am here for you. Your life is worth so much but more importantly you ARE worth so much and you deserve to get through this and to the other side. I know this fight is a hard one and at times we feel like the best option would be to give in, but your life is not over my friend. These feelings, these thoughts, they won't last forever. Nothing ever lasts forever but I do believe you need a good support network, good distractions, to learn some skills to manage and deal with situations that cause you upset and distress and also to not be alone. You need to reach out for help, be honest with people and get the help you deserve but work with people who are working with you. Meet them halfway, you know? They provide you with the skills and distractions but its you who has to work on them and and put in the hard work.

You're a strong person and I do honestly believe in you. You are never alone and you know where we are if you need us. So don't you ever suffer in silece. Keep on fighting my lovely. You got this and we've got you.

Hope and wishes,

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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