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Please call that story back.

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doing myself in - September 29th 2016, 03:28 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Even better, I will spare you and delete what I wrote.

Last edited by ~Radio Flyer~; September 29th 2016 at 04:11 PM.
   
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Re: doing myself in - September 29th 2016, 05:43 PM

Whats wrong? What happened? Send me a PM if you want to talk!

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~Radio Flyer~ Offline
Please call that story back.

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Re: doing myself in - September 29th 2016, 09:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Special Agent View Post
Whats wrong? What happened? Send me a PM if you want to talk!

I am here for you
I was going to write about it but it all came swarming at me at once. All I ended up getting down were a bunch of quotes from the last few days that suggest a build up of emotionsfrom various things and that im overwhelmed but it doesn't explain it. I can't explain how bad I feel right now. How much I want to disappear. How much I need help but feel like I'm not being taken seriously.


Also, I said I was drafting an email to cancel next appointment for therapy. Well, I finished it and sent it. I feel like staying isolated in my room is better at this point.I don't know what to do with myself.
   
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Re: doing myself in - October 1st 2016, 04:30 PM

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way right now. Isolating yourself is probably the worst thing you can do. You have the resources to talk to someone, such at hotlines and a therapist, take advantage of them. You can also post on the forums or take advantage of HelpLINK or LiveHelp. Don't be embarrassed by what you're feeling, nobody is going to judge you.

If you ever need to chat, my PM box is always open.
   
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~Radio Flyer~ Offline
Please call that story back.

I've been here a while
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Re: doing myself in - October 2nd 2016, 09:27 PM

Thank you Kaleidescope
Sometimes I reach out a lot but other times I tell myself I have to stop reaching out because it is better to be quiet. But you're right. And even though I cancelled therapy on Friday, I'm resuming tomorrow. I had some time to think and I still really want to switch therapists but I'm also hesitating as I've seen this one for almost 14 months. I am having a hard time making a decision, tbh. I don't know if the tension between my therapist and I has to do with my difficulty trusting, and my anxiety. He told me I was being abrupt about something (everytime things get really bad at home i tell him im going to a homeless shelter and in my mind i am very serious about it but then i calm down and dont go) and I got upset at that and because he said "it isnt such a nice place to be" (no kidding! You think i want to go there for a fun slumber party?) so i guess i got even more abrupt with the email i wrote in reaction. Also because he seems to think I can get a job and move out but I haven't done well at any of my previous jobs and each one resulted in quitting. And a few other things. I don't know. I'm questioning myself. If I'm making a big deal out of nothing.

Also last night I had these body sensations and visual memories of this one incident that took place at the community center. I want to avoid the center itself and that's another reason I am having a hard time with therapy. I avoided the place for 3 years. Then I made the decision to return when that was my last resort. But now I have insurance that allows me to go someplace else. I just don't know what to do anymore.
The other thing is that I wanted to apply for a housing service but the person told me I qualify if I have "severe and persistent mental illness" but I was not evaluated. The psychiatrist at the hospital 2 years ago gave me a discharge paper with a diagnosis of MDD. But I was meant to have a post-hospital evaluation at the outpatient facility. Only I left...and well avoided it but now I want to be evaluated. I think? I can't discuss this with my therapist because I feel like he thinks I'm very high functioning and don't need help or something. He diagnosed me with dd-nos and I feel like that means I'm not depressed enough which bothers me because I'm fighting suicidal thoughts, SH, depression, anxiety etc on a daily basis.
   
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