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Can you hear the silence?
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Age: 23
Gender: Male
Location: England

Posts: 809
Join Date: July 27th 2012

Long rant about my horrible week/ life recently. - October 2nd 2016, 01:22 PM

Where do I start?

I'm not normally one to feel like this these days as I have been doing pretty well for myself but this week and just recently I feel like I've lost much control over everything i'm mainly just looking to rant I don't really feel like seeking help if I'm going to be honest because I know i'm the only one who can fix this and I have a game plan to fix this I guess I just want to write this because I have no one there for me in life no one to talk to no one to trust etc my friends wouldn't understand/care so I tend to keep a lot of my problems to myself people see me as this big normal moody person just the truth is I'm so mentally strong I very rarely break down in tears or cry or show much emotion I'm very good at hiding all my problems so people can't see them no one really understands my true pain in life and what I've been through

Lets start.

I had to leave my awesome dream job at EE working with mobile phones because the role was to hard with my learning problems and the pressure was so fucking much!!! I would go to bed and wake up with like 200 fucking whats app messages "YES 200" with the new price plans for the iPhone 7 and the samsung galaxy it's like fucking 1 o'clock in the morning leave me alone I'm not at work!!! I was also struggling with an eating disorder at the time which meant all this pain and pressure and frustration caused me to leave the role I didn't even work my notice I just walked out one day and my manager was surprised and confused.

I recently got a new job which is closer to home it's a lot less money as well which isn't good but i'm doing a lot less hours wheres I was doing 30 hours at EE I'm now doing about 12 which is a lot better for someone who's recovering from mental illness it's a lot less pressure I'm not sure how this job is going weather I will be able to keep or i'll get the sack or not because I didn't know that at the interview I had to mention about my learning and mental difficulties apparently it's illegal so when they found out you can imagine what my nasty manager said she's so nasty everyone hates her she's a massive bully! she's not the full manager but she's like in charge of my department. She doesn't think I can do th job because I constantly need someone supervising me because of my learning problems I'm unable to do the job alone unsupervised because i'll probably do something wrong because I struggle to understand things and memories all the products I worked at one of my previous jobs for like a year and I still couldn't remember the price of our products it's insane I know but I have a problem I can't help it.

I'm currently off work sick with a doctors note because all bones my body fucking hurt so much!!! Since I have gained a decent weight my bones have been in so much pain and I still don't feel ready to be back at work yet i'm to sick but I don't want to get the sack I have bills to pay I can't afford to get the sack plus it's like a 5 min drive from where I live comparing it to where I use to have to travel an hour on the bus and pay 24 fucking 99 on the bus on to get to work at EE yes EE was the better job but I can't say i'm not regretting my decision to leave. The most annoying thing is that I could of got a pretty awesome discount on an iPhone 7 and had one as I worked for EE that's only thing I'm annoyed about but that doesn't matter lol the benefits were pretty awesome.

Im fed up with my family it's constant fights and arguments we love each other and get on well but it's just constant swearing at each other fighting etc because of my ADHD NO ONE FUCKING UNDERSTANDS I GET ANGRY AND I CAN'T FUCKING HELP IT!!! I swear a lot I even swear at people in the street ( if they cause an argument or do something wrong that upsets me) Which is rare I'm very good at controlling it in public I just get so angry and no one understands do you know what my mum says when I say it's my ADHD I can't help it? She has the guts to say just because you have a problem you can't blame your actions on it HOW IS THAT A FAIR THING TO EVEN SAY!!! It's running me down so much I just want to die.

I recently reached my target weight but my eating disorder just went insane this week and I binged on like loads of chocolate and stuff and now I've gained like 7 pounds in weight and I need to exercise that off to get back to my healthy weight now which has really annoyed me. I just let myself slip I have worked so hard with my doctor to try and maintain my healthy weight and I slipped and now I've gone over I suppose it's better then going under but that's besides the point I hate my life and I want to die that's how I feel at the moment like I said this is ultimately a long rant of my frustration thank you for listening
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