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TC123 Offline
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I don't know myself or what my purpose is - October 21st 2016, 06:16 AM

So here I am at 2 in the morning feeling numb again. Late at night is usually when I think the most, which leads to me not being able to sleep well. Sometimes I overthink to the point I'll start breathing fast and I have to try to calm myself down, but thankfully tonight's not one of those. I'm just thinking about the fact that I don't really have much of a clue of who I really am and what I'm good at and what my purpose is. I know that I'm 16 and most don't know who they really are yet but I'm totally lost. I feel like I'm just existing and I just drudge through every day as a robot. My friends and family often tell me my voice is monotone and emotionless, which I guess fits the way I feel-robotic and not unique. I don't know why it's so difficult for me to express any emotion and part of me believes that's just the way I am, and I deal with emotion internally. I don't know if it's related to anything in my past, but I often feel detached and distant from the rest of the world. I think I appear cold and harsh to the world like I don't care about many things, and maybe that's partially true but I do care about some people, and I'm always polite and as kind as I can be when meeting new people although I'm not very good at making any new friends. People like interesting people. I'm too simple for society it seems. I like the country, I'm a bow hunter, I fish from time to time, and I like being in nature. The only thing I truly know about myself is that I don't like complicated situations or ideas, or hectic events. I don't possess many talents, I can't sing or dance or draw, and acting for me is disastrous. I can't act because I only feel authentically when I'm actually in a situation. I can't pretend to be emotional. The only thing I ever stuck with in my life was archery and honestly it's the only thing I ever took pride in. I've gotten compliments many times by people who watched me shoot and it feels good knowing other people like something about me even if it's as simple as that, or even if I don't always see it myself.

Just to get to the bottom line, I was wondering if anyone else went through a stage like this. What did you do to get yourself through it?
   
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Re: I don't know myself or what my purpose is - October 21st 2016, 05:38 PM

Hello

Thanks for coming to us here!

I have been at this point in many times so even though I will never understand how this is for you, I can relate to how it was for me. Where I felt emotionless, pointless, numb, like a robot and just existing for absolutely no reason. And sometimes I have days where I feel like that still but it used to drag on for weeks and even months. Now I am studying a counseling degree and have some amazing friends. I'm looking out moving out on my own (for the second time), I have an amazing family even though there are just three members that I talk too because the rest have left me and I enjoy coming on here for example and doing this volunteer work because I really, really want to be able to help people like yourself to get through all this.

Try finding a hobbie. I know when I got like this, I started doing art (even though I was rubbish at it I found I could put emotion in to it) and writing because my life line. Keeping a journal saved me, blogging on here saved me and writing poems helped me so much. Its not always brilliant work but it gets it out of me even when I think I am numb, it brings the emotions up but then gives me a way to release them at the same time making me feel a little more human after. Go to the gym or get involved in a sport too. Getting some adrenaline and releasing endorphin's might be really beneficial for you.

And if there is ever, anything at all on your mind, worrying you, stressing you out, making you feel low or even numb, know that we are always here to help you out and support you as best as we can do. You are never alone in this. You know me now so feel free to shoot me a message any time but keep believing in you. It does and can get better, but you need to put hard work in to it and keep on going. And I know you can do that.

I hope you're having a better day. Stay strong.

Hope and wishes,
Jessie


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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Re: I don't know myself or what my purpose is - October 28th 2016, 05:51 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Palmolive View Post
Hello

Thanks for coming to us here!

I have been at this point in many times so even though I will never understand how this is for you, I can relate to how it was for me. Where I felt emotionless, pointless, numb, like a robot and just existing for absolutely no reason. And sometimes I have days where I feel like that still but it used to drag on for weeks and even months. Now I am studying a counseling degree and have some amazing friends. I'm looking out moving out on my own (for the second time), I have an amazing family even though there are just three members that I talk too because the rest have left me and I enjoy coming on here for example and doing this volunteer work because I really, really want to be able to help people like yourself to get through all this.

Try finding a hobbie. I know when I got like this, I started doing art (even though I was rubbish at it I found I could put emotion in to it) and writing because my life line. Keeping a journal saved me, blogging on here saved me and writing poems helped me so much. Its not always brilliant work but it gets it out of me even when I think I am numb, it brings the emotions up but then gives me a way to release them at the same time making me feel a little more human after. Go to the gym or get involved in a sport too. Getting some adrenaline and releasing endorphin's might be really beneficial for you.

And if there is ever, anything at all on your mind, worrying you, stressing you out, making you feel low or even numb, know that we are always here to help you out and support you as best as we can do. You are never alone in this. You know me now so feel free to shoot me a message any time but keep believing in you. It does and can get better, but you need to put hard work in to it and keep on going. And I know you can do that.

I hope you're having a better day. Stay strong.

Hope and wishes,
Jessie
Thank you. It helps to know someone cares.
   
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