Hurts Too Much To Breathe

[jinxed angel]

Because I care...I won't give up on you...EVER...That's what friends do and even if you don't consider me a friend, I consider you one...and you don't give us crap...you are having a rough time...it happens...I understand rough times and how they make people...

[*Faith*]

It doesn't matter if you SAY you won't give up or not, the truth is that you WILL because everyone else did which is another reason for me to escape tonight.

[silentmuffin]

Originally Posted by *Faith*

That doesn't explain why you want me to stay though, I give you people nothing but crap but you still hold onto me and I don't understand why.

Because that's the whole point of this site, to listen when people need to share their problems and cry and give people crap. We all know that there is more to you than the "crap" you give to us. We know that it's not crap. It means something. Your feelings are important, and if you're feeling down, we want to know about it and we want to help you make it better. If you gave us nothing but smiles and butterflies, there wouldn't be much reason to be here in the first place.

[Confused]

Shes argued with you to keep you around. Doesnt sound like shes gonna give up on you. And neither will the rest of us.

[jinxed angel]

I am not other people...I am Siera, I am not everyone else...I am the biggest nobody their is...I won't give up on you and I know it...Even if you don't believe me...I will never give up on you because I am Siera and I don't give up on anybody...

[*Faith*]

I guess that's true but ugh it's just getting harder. I mean the only reason I'm here this morning was because I fell asleep! There's nothing left, I broke my record for being SH and I feel even worse.
Don't know what's going to happen tonight now.

[*Faith*]

Sorry to post again but I hit rock bottom again for some reason. School wasn't that bad, I only remember saying one sentence in the whole 7 odd hours I was there. Something just isn't right, I keep hitting even lower downers than I do the day before and I don't understand why! Today was an alright day, there wasn't any philosophy, it's just tomorrow that's going to pose a problem yet I'm feeling really suicidal because of today.

[Wishable]

Hi there. I just wanted to ask... have you considered asking for professional help? There are so many people here who care about you and are worried, yet you don't seem to believe us. It scares me that everyone who has tried so hard can't get through to you, maybe a professional could?

[TheNumber42]

Hey Faith. Sorry I haven't posted alot lately. I'm not giving up or anything like that. My parents just think I need to do my homework rather than surf the web -.-

Anyway, I have to agree with Remy (even though I've told you that same thing before). Everyone here cares so much, why not try getting help from a professional? It could help, you never know until you try...

Stay strong, I'm here for you

[*Faith*]

You know I tried help from a professional, the only way to do it is going through my doctor and what fun that was! It's just easier to leave.

[Spirit.]

Faith,
Don't distance yourself away from people.Don't put yourself in a corner that you may never be able to get out of.
When you feel bad about what is happening to you, it makes you feel worse.
Don't dwell over all this unhappiness. I'm sure I don't know the pain you're in, but I'm almost positive that if you imagine your problems are small, they disappear. A little by little, they start fading away. Let yourself go, be who you are. Don't hurt yourself by letting others hurt you.
And remember, if you need anything, I'm always here for you! I hope you feel better!

[Spirit.]

You know what, I completely agree with Shaz. She really has a point.
You're not going to be a forgotten memory. Remember, When you are hurt and pained, only you can will yourself to get better, to become happy, to smile.
Think about it. We'll always be here for you. <3

[*Faith*]

I know it's only me that can save myself but the thing is I don't want to! I just don't want to send people into hysterics at the same time. I just want to be the forgotten memory so I won't hurt anymore people.

[Hero_Of_Blade]

I'm sorry to hear that this is so difficult for you.
I don't know if what I'm about to has been said before but I'll say it anyway =]

Things are troubling now yes, things are difficult, but that doesn't mean they'll always be like this. Things can turn around faster than you know, I hope you feel better I really honestly do.

I don't know what to say, nothing I can say can make things better in an instant but I will be here if you ever need an ear to listen, a shoulder to lean on, a voice to talk to =]

If you ever need me I'll never run and I'm sure so many people feel the same.
So many people waiting to catch you, to help you, to just be here for you and it deosn't matter how bad you feel, I'm sure they'll try to cheer you up.

Don't let go because there are people who care, I know it's hard, but you can do it =]

You can PM me whenever you want, if you ever want to and I'll be here to listen.

I hope you feel better.

Take care and be well x

[*Faith*]

There's nothing else I can say. The rest is just cooped up inside of me and I can't bring it to the surface (not that I want to anyway). It's just easier to go then have to live with everything.

[jinxed angel]

Faith, everything will get better...Just trust me, all of these people are posting to help you...They all care...everything will get better, you just have to trust us...

[*Faith*]

It doesn't matter though, I messed up everything. Aslong as you all live, you'll get better.

[jinxed angel]

We minght not get better though...

[*Faith*]

You will, I haven't had much of an impact.

[jinxed angel]

You have had more of an impact than you think...

[*Faith*]

I doubt it, I just fuck everything up.

[jinxed angel]

No you don't, I know you don't...

[*Faith*]

I do, I just can't explain how.

[jinxed angel]

I wouldn't believe you even if you did explain faith, you are a good, strong person...I know that...

[.KillCasino.]

Faith. Okay. You know that conversation earlier, when we were talking on MSN, when I was at breaking point and you told me that I didn't have permission to go, and then you said you were trying to get better? It doesn't seem like you are. You are shutting everyone out, you aren't listening to what people are saying. Just listen to them. Get professional help hun. You NEED to try it. I've been made to try it. It hasn't worked for me in the past but a second chance might help, right? If you don't want to get better or don't want help, why are you still posting. You obviously do want help, and all these people are trying to help you but you won't listen to them. You're hurting them faith. Take care, ok?

[*Faith*]

There's no strength in me. I keep crying everyday over the tiniest of things! I've tried getting help, this is like my last resort. My doctor thinks I'm fine.

[.KillCasino.]

Faith, okay, I don't know what just happened but I just found my happiness, and I'm not ever going to let it go. Someone in chat said something that touched me. We all have a guardian angel, they're always there although at times it might not feel like it. They're watching every second to make sure that you are okay. Hunny, i've got faith in you. I've got faith in you, faith. Seriously. I KNOW that you can get better, and get out of this state you're in right now. If you need me I'm here okay?
x x x

[*Faith*]

I had that happiness. I lost it. Really don't think I care anymore though, I woke up today thinking all the ways I could when I'm walking to school. Maybe I've done all I need to here, all my strength's gone and in some ways I don't think I want to regain any. Don't know, guess I'll just make a decision when I start walking there.

[*Faith*]

One minute you're on top
The next you're not
Watch it drop
Making your heart stop
Just before you hit the floor

Pretty much summarises my day. I went with good intentions and then came plummeting to the ground.

[TheNumber42]

Faith, you deserve that happiness back. If you just do your best to stay positive and believe that things will get better, then they will. I know you're extremely strong, just use that strength to your advantage rather than to deny that you are important or worth happiness.

[*Faith*]

I tried to today, I tried having a positive outlook and it plummeted.

[TheNumber42]

I'm glad you tried! Just stick with it, ok? I know it isn't easy, but just try to always find the positive side. Everything has something positive about it. Sometimes it is just harder to see it. And we're all here to help if you can't do it alone

[*Faith*]

Nah, today made me think 'why not just go? I can't wait around for thei supposed light at the end of the tunnel'

[TheNumber42]

What happened today?

[*Faith*]

I don't want to talk about it...just school that fucks me up. My attendance is really low so teachers are concerned.

[TheNumber42]

I'm sorry. I hate school too.

But maybe you could use this as a way to talk to your teachers about how you feel. They could help you get help, right?

[Perplexity]

Originally Posted by *Faith*

I don't want to talk about it...just school that fucks me up. My attendance is really low so teachers are concerned.

Oh, Faith, I'm really sorry to hear about that. I really, really understand about the attendence thing; I've been in that situation before.

School is different for everyone, I mean like how people cope with it. Some, cope with it easier than others, whilst some might find it difficult.

The attendence thing is so easy to get caught up into. You say to yourself "I'll only have this day off, or skip this lesson" but it never is just that one day or lesson. You do it again and before you know it you end up missing that particular day lesson because of your lessons/teachers/people in it all the time. The thing I learnt was, you can't keep running away from it. Because it doesn't solve the problem, it just makes it worse. Teachers notice and they ask questions and if you keep missing the lesson/day they sometimes want to call a school meeting (sometimes with your parents) about your attendance. I've been through it and even though now I've got most things under control, I still have the days where one of the most easiest things for someone to do--getting up, is the hardest thing in the world for me. Before the day your wondering what gonna happen and your mind is going into overdrive and that's when those thoughts kick in about not wanting to go in school or a lesson. But once you actually get to school and go in some of your lessons, it isn't always as bad as you think. It's just the 'getting there' that's the hardest. You never know how the day could turn out unless you go out there and go through it. It could turn out to be the worst or best day of your life, but you'll never know what could of happened unless you go out there and go through it, if you know what I mean? I try to take one day at a time, it doesn't seem as overwhelming to me then.

Can I ask, do you have anyone at school/college to talk about things?

[*Faith*]

I have spoken to the teacher which involved going to see 2 other teachers meaking things more awkward. They agreed to lighten up on the group work and not be disappointed if I can't finish the homework (the know I'm depressed along with anxiety). I just know the others are going to start questioning me because I get to work on my own. There's some lessons I can go to most of the time with no problem but others...it's best to run and hide in the house. I just keep thinking to myself, what does it matter if you fail, you're going to end up going after you're done with school anyway.
There isn't anyone I can talk to per say, not like a counsellor or anything. I've been to the doctors but they don't believe me about what's up so I've just given up going down that route.

[newbie552]

Well as much as we'd like to think it, psycologists and professionals arn't miracle workers or angels sent form the heavens that can cure everything, we also need to put in effort, I'm not saying you wern't and hey, maybe it the counclellers problem (they scare me personaly)

by the way, nice song lyirc, gotta love Linkin Park

[*Faith*]

I don't have any counsellor though, it's just impossible to get hold of anyone so I just gave up and now I'm just waiting for something to push me over and last night was that night so I really think tonight is go night.