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DarrianAlissa Offline
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Name: Darrian Alissa
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So close - November 15th 2016, 06:19 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hi, I'm Darrian and I'm new here. Lately I've been struggling super hard with depression. To the point where it's starting to hurt others around me. But yesterday, (november 14th, 2016), my mom called me home to talk to me because she found some dried blood in my room... That conversation didn't end up well. I stormed out and I walked, and walked, and walked... Until I came up to a really busy road. I was already balling my eyes out to no point and I held my breathe and I counted to 3... And I went for it. I ran infront of a car that was going about 45mph and I felt a slight hit from the car, nothing major. The lady had stopped and told me to get into her car. But I got up and ran away... I ran into some very close friends of mine and they asked why I looked like crap. I didn't tell them for a good hour until they broke me and I told them. They both started to tear up and hugged me really hard... I realized I just did something so selfish at that moment. But my parents don't know I did this and I know I need to tell them because this isn't healthy. I don't know how too though. And I really don't want to get to that point again...
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Everglow. Offline
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Re: So close - November 16th 2016, 10:11 PM

Hi Darrian, welcome to teenhelp!

I think it's really good that you've told someone about what happened, including us and your friend. I think it's important to be open with somebody you trust during times like this, and even though it took you a while to tell them, by doing so you've already started the process of making sure you don't get back to the point you were at that day. Telling your parents is hard, but please don't see yourself as selfish. Depression is a selfish illness by nature but that says nothing about you. Depression is about you - it's about how you feel, it's a problem that you're dealing with first and foremost. Of course it's upsetting for other people, but it's your illness, and it doesn't make you selfish to have trouble telling people about it. It's a tough topic and it's really difficult to open up to people, even those you love, about something so upsetting and, probably, scary.

How did you finally tell your friend what had happened? Would it be easier to tell your parents in a similar manner? Would you friend perhaps be ok teling your parents on your behalf? If you're not too comfortable with this, you could always find less direct ways to tell them how you feel. Maybe write them a letter and leave it for them to read? That way you can tell them why you did it and how you feel in a bit more detail and it'll stop the situation turning out the same way as before.

If you need anything else at all, please continue to reach out to us here! I hope you're doing ok.
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