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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Name: Shykira
Age: 17
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Location: North Carolina, USA

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Join Date: December 12th 2016

Unhappy I can't live anymore - December 12th 2016, 03:30 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

My mom is always working and I'm always bothering her. I holding my friends back from their friends all because I get lonely. I'm such a burden and I need to go. Life hasn't been kind to me and that makes it worse I'm tired of this constant battle with depression. Second semester is coming up and I'll be all alone in my new classes. So maybe I should do it before then.
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Re: I can't live anymore - December 12th 2016, 08:47 PM

Hi there,

Please do not give in to the suicidal urges. I know how it sounds cliche but suicide really is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Depression and whatever else you are going through might not seem temporary but it is, I promise. Things will eventually get better, it just takes time.

Why do you think you are a bother to your mom or a burden to your friends? I doubt that they see you that way. You are I am sure a wonderful person. You deserve nothing but love and support. Depression tells us we aren't worth it, but that's not true. You are more than worth it, darling.

I would encourage you to seek help for your depression and thoughts that you are having. Talk to a counselor, someone at school, your mom or a friend. Let them see what has been going on inside, so that you can get the proper help you need.

If you ever want a friend to chat with, feel free to send me a PM.
Take care.
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Re: I can't live anymore - December 13th 2016, 02:21 AM

I'm sorry you're not feeling great, I've been there and it sucks. But you've made it this far and you have so, so many people who care about you and want to see you go farther – your friends, your family, everyone here on the site. When you're in a bad spot, it might seem like they don't care about you, but there are always people who are rooting for you, and there are so many people who can help you. If you're feeling depressed or suicidal, TH has this list of resources – the first link has a search tool you can use to find hotlines in your area. You can also keep posting in the forums and talking to people here.

If you're comfortable with it, I would definitely encourage you to talk to a school counselor, parent, or at least a friend. School counselors are usually really helpful and understanding. Talking to someone in person is almost always better than talking online or over the phone – people in your life are more able to get you the help you need. And I know this is what literally everyone says, but the things you're going through are going to pass.

Feel free to shoot me a message if you ever want to talk

The opposite of war isn't peace - it's creation
~Jonathan Larson

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Re: I can't live anymore - December 16th 2016, 01:16 AM

do you felt better?

suicide is not a good idea for any reason, i know it's hard at your age. When i was 14, i was very stressed too. I couldn't find any best true friend, i always had row with my friends in my class so i think you shouldn't be panic. What did i do? i tried to spend my time and effort on studying, watching movies and other leisure activities to get myself away of thinking i was lonely. I even tried to listen to instrumental music to relax myself and find new friends on forums (i think it's much easier than making friend in real world).
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Re: I can't live anymore - December 21st 2016, 02:00 PM

Hey there

Thanks for getting in touch with us. I hope we can help you in some way.

I know it can be hard when a parent is working all the time but please know that I am confident in saying your mum loves and cares about you and I doubt very much that you are always bothering her. Just because she is at work a lot does not mean she is not there for you. At the end of the day no matter how old you are, you are her baby and you always will be.

What makes you feel like you are bothering your friends? I know we can feel like a burden sometimes but it doesn't mean we are. At the end of the day friends are meant to be there for us through thick and thing so through the bad times as well as the good. Friends are not just there to go through everything good that happens with you and to be with you for your happiness. They are also there to be with us in the bad times as well and it is okay for you to talk to them and ask them for help; true friends will be supportive.

You certainly don't need to go. You need to start making the choice that suicide is not an option. That hurting yourself and ending your life is not an option for you and that fighting is the way forward. I know having a constant battle with depression and the emotions and thoughts that come along with it can be really hard but that doesn't mean this is the point where you decide dying is the best way out. You have a life ahead of you and I know it feels like this is not going to go away but it will go away. Nothing lasts forever, not even happiness so this won't either. And I know its hard to go through this but remember it will pass and in the meantime you can do so many things to make it that bit easier which might really help. I know when life isn't kind it can be exhausting and can feel like nothing good is ever going to happen but honestly, that is not the case.

Fighting this is going to be hard, but with us and other help and support, skills you can learn and distractions you can use etc, you CAN do it. And when you do and it begins to feel better, you will be so glad you never gave up because you will be alive and you'll be thankful and you will probably see the world in a completely other way. I never used to think anything in life was good. Now things are getting better, admittedly very slowly and I still have many lapses, I see the smallest things in my life bring be the most happiness. A smile on my sisters face or hearing her laugh, or when someone thanks me because I have helped them or even things like even though I have lost several people in the past few years, one being my best friend, I try not to think about her death in a a really negative way (although it is sometimes hard) I try to remember her for her beautiful soul and her amazing personality because she was a truly amazing and wonderful person.

This is not your time. You have your whole life ahead you and you can get though this. I think it is vital though that you build a good support network so this can include us for example, your mum, a teacher, a friend, your doctor and if you want other people in it it could also be people such as a school counselor, or a therpist, psychologist, psychiatrist or a referral to your local mental health team (not sure where you live but here we have CAMHS for children and adolescents and then CMHT for adults and they put in place a CPN - community mental health nurse and even other people like an occupational therapist and social worker). You can even include helplines too.

Distractions are always good for in the moment to help you get through a hard moment but I think if you have a hard moment triggered by something then you need to talk to someone about this further to talk about the trigger for example and how to deal and manage with it in the future. So distractions can be things like writing a story or even writing a journal on how you feel or poetry or even lyrics, you can go for a good walk, you can play a game on your own or with others, you can watch tv or a film, have a bath/shower, pet a pet you have, do some work, read a book, do art so like drawing, colouring, painting etc, come on here and reply to threads etc, do some cooking or baking, going to the gym or for a run (exercise can really help us when we feel low!) and lots of things too. But remember not everything works for everyone so it can be trial and error so make sure you don't give up but keep on trying! And in regards to skills, it might be good to begin relaxation or something like mindfulness. There are also things such as the butterfly projects, the paper chain project which I know have helped many people.

Just don't be alone in this. You never have to be alone and you always have someone but people can only help if they know whats going and how you are feeling and so on. And if you ever feel at risk to yourself (serious self harm or suicide) then maybe thats a point where you need to talk to someone around you who can help you right there and then or contact the emergency services or take yourself to hospital for help.

I really hope this helps. You can do this and we're all here for you anytime and rooting for you. Don't be alone.

Hope and wishes

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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Re: I can't live anymore - January 1st 2017, 11:57 AM

Hey, Skykira.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Having all those thoughts and feelings on your mind and in your heart must be incredibly difficult. On top of that, being alone, and feeling alone must make it ten times worse. Considering the situation with your mom and your friends, I am really glad you decided to reach out here, Shykira. Because let me tell you, you won't be bothering us and we are here for you, happy to help and listen.

Speaking of your mom, I doubt you're bothering her. When you feel low and are questioning your self-worth, it can feel like you're bothering everyone else and/or are a burden to them. This is when you need someone to remind you otherwise. I don't know your mom, but you're her daughter, her baby and I imagine she loves you more than words can say, okay? When she gets home from work, she may be tired and worn out but that doesn't mean she doesn't love you. What would you think about sitting down with her when she has a day off, and talking to her about these feelings you've been having? Perhaps you two could take steps in strengthening your relationship by finding a bonding activity to do together such as when she gets home from work - something light and relaxing to do, of course. Such as painting, drawing, coloring, or even getting a beading kit and making necklaces? Those are just a few ideas.

This semester, could it help to socialize with new people in your class, or join clubs and participate in school activities? Socializing and making new friends may be good for you. Everyone gets lonely, and that's okay because we all need each other. You aren't holding them back, but ensuring that you can cope with enjoyable hobbies and outlets when your friends aren't around is important.

You don't need to go. Listen - we're all unique in our own ways. There'll be people who are similar to you, but never anyone exactly like you down to every tiny detail mind and body. You're unique and irreplaceable. You aren't a burden. You're a human being with a future, a heart and lots of potential. You may feel as if you cannot live through this, but I promise you can. There'll many tough times like these, but there will always be those better and amazing days ahead that make it all worth it. Just hold on. You got this.
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