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Chaotic_ Offline
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First Appointment - December 12th 2016, 08:58 PM

So, I had my first appointment with my counselor today. Mostly we chatted about anxiety and what caused and my past and all of that good stuff you always talk about the first time.

Overall, I think it went well. I have been more honest with him than with any other counselor that I have seen. But I still struggle being able to tell my full story and such. I always try to hint at things because I can never fully say them.

He had me rate my mood on a scale from -10 to 10. A -10 was suicidal, not depressed or anxious, and a 10 was panicky. I told him they vary from a 1-10, but honestly, sometimes they hit around a -5 or -6.

I don't know why I find it hard to talk about this. It's not like I am sad a lot of the time. But I know that a lot of my symptoms can be depression related versus anxiety related, which is more so of what I tried to hint at.

I guess, I honestly don't know how to talk about these. I mean, I only get to the negative side of the scale, maybe once or twice a week. (it's been a little more frequent). So part of me figures it isn't a big deal.

I really hate that I am so scared of talking about things. What's the point of therapy if I'm scared to open up?

I don't know. I just get scared really easily. Like he told me to tell the secretary to schedule me for the first week in January and to put me on the cancellation list so he could potentially see me before the holidays. But I was to scared to tell her about the cancellation list....so I have to wait 3 weeks to go back. He also gave me the choice between weekly and bi-weekly, but I didn't answer, so of course he put me bi-weekly because his schedule is packed but I feel like he would be open to weekly, which honestly with how I have been jumping all over is what I honestly feel I need. But for whatever reason, I can't be honest. I think I just feel pathetic if I have to go once a week, and I don't want to be that way. It's sort of the negative self-talk.

Any ideas on what I should do?
How to be more honest?
How I can make three weeks without a counseling appointment?
   
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Palmolive Offline
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Re: First Appointment - December 12th 2016, 11:51 PM

Hi

Thanks for coming to us here!

Firstly, going to a first appointment is really brave and a big step so be proud of yourself alone for that.

I have had counselling and ironically I am now doing a counselling degree. I think this is pretty normal. You've met them once. They need to build trust in you just like you need to build trust in them, for you to be able to open up. I mean you wouldn't bump into a stranger in the street, go for coffee with them for an hour and spill your whole life story. It isn't all going to come out at once but as the meetings go you will become more comfortable with the counselor you are seeing (and if you don't, it will be worth looking into seeing someone else) but in all honesty give it time for you to build that therapeutic relationship so you feel able to talk to them because you trust them.

And if you need any extra support, please know we are always here for you. You are never on your own in this.

Hope and wishes,
Jessie


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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