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Lil ly Offline
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Help - December 24th 2016, 02:10 AM

I feel really horrible all the time. I feel like I've lost a lot of close relationships recently, and someone fake asked me out, which did not help. I have a chronic problem with my legs that prevents me from walking without pain or really doing any activities on my feet, and I need crutches. My parents are constantly stressed, and we're dealing with a horrible landlord. My sister has actively told me she feels like cutting and needs help (which she is seeking but it still worrries me). I feel stress from school as well, since I'm expected to be perfect in it at all times (even an A- is unacceptable). I feel like an annoying person and a bad friend, and just generally boring to talk to and annoying. I don't know what to do. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it because I don't not want to stress them out.
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Thyselfbetrue Offline
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Name: Valarie.
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Re: Help - December 24th 2016, 04:06 AM

Easy honey, easy. Take one thing at a time. I know it's hard because you have all of this happening all at once. They need to realize that you are human too! You cannot be expected to do all of these things all in one shot. You need to worry about yourself right now. What do you feel right now is the most important thing? Go from the most important things to the least important and take baby steps. Right now your well being is crucial. Sometimes we have to be there for ourselves before trying to help others.

Let your parents know about how you are feeling, set them down when you see fit, also inform them about your sisters constant remarks about wanting to start self-harming herself. Right now, you need to focus on feeling better. =) You deserve it. Do things that you enjoy, listen to music, write in a journal, go for a walk. You have all my e-hugs and dearest wishes. I hope you feel better, and if not, please don't hesitate to contact a supportive friend. My PM box is open, I'm more than willing to talk things through.
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Palmolive Offline
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Re: Help - December 24th 2016, 10:35 PM

Hi there

Thank you for reaching out to us for some help and support!

I want to start by saying to you that you can talk to us about anything and everything is you want to. There is no pressure to talk to us, but if you ever want to, we're always here for you. We're not going to judge you or anything like that but we will listen and try to support you as best as we can and help in anyway we can do. You won't stress us out either. It is what we're here for. That is the point of the site and I hope you soon begin to see that.

It sounds like you have a lot going on. I can not imagine how it must be to have these physical health problems but remember it doesn't have to hold you back. A friend I was close with in school has only one arm. She now competes in the Paralympics and does javelin and this year she received a gold medal. I am sure everyone who goes through physical health problems (which I can relate to, also) goes through these phases of feeling so low and down about how it is affecting their life, but you can still do what you wish if you aim for it and put it there as a goal. I also wanted to ensure you are getting correct treatment such as pain management for this, because I know this can make it a lot more comfortable.

Losing relationships can be very hard but we all go through this in life stages. It is a part of life. I have had so many close friends who I thought I would be close with forever, and that is not the case. Some have stuck around, others haven't and like I said it is part of life but I think as we grow, we begin to naturally learn how to deal and manage this. But know we are here to listen always.

Do you want to talk more about your parents being stressed? I know having a not so good landlord can be really hard but this is ultimately their issue and I know it is not that easy because what goes on around you all the time can have such a big impact on you too, but this is something your parents need to sort out and begin to deal with. Even talk to them and tell them how it is all making you feel. Be honest with them. They care about you.

Having someone we love who is low/depressed and has urges to self harm or does self harm can be hard. But you have to remember to put yourself first too. You can be there and support them but don't let it have a negative affect on you. They are getting help and they have someone to talk to and help them but you don't seem too. They have support in place. Its okay to worry and love them as well as help them when they need it, but don't forget about yourself in this neither.

There is no such thing as perfect. What is the definition of a perfect human being? I don't think there is wrong. I don't know any one who is perfect and I am certainly not perfect myself. I wouldn't expect you to get the highest grades in everything you possibly can. Is this a pressure that is being put on you by someone else or is this a pressure you are putting on yourself or maybe even both?

You're none of the things you think you are. You seem lovely and you deserve help and support. Please know that we are always here for you and you are never alone in this. We will always try our best to support you as best as we can do so please reach out to us when ever you need some support.

Also nothing lasts forever, this will pass too. Just like everything does. So keep holding on and don't struggle in silence. You are loved and cared for.

Hope and wishes,

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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Re: Help - January 1st 2017, 11:49 AM

Hello, Lilly!

I'm sorry you have a chronic medical problem with your legs. Anything that limits natural abilities and mobility can impact a person a lot. I imagine it must be really frustrating. Is there anything you like to do while sitting that'll bring about some enjoyment and maybe even stress relief? Perhaps you could play video games, color/draw/paint, write in a journal or write stories, songs or poems. Try to find things that make you happy and help you feel at peace with the stress in life.

Sounds like you are under a lot of pressure to be perfect. An A- is fantastic. It seems as you aren't receiving any positivity for that, so I would like to personally say: congratulations, because that is very impressive and you should be proud. The thing is, nobody is perfect and trying to live up to perfect standards will only invade your happiness.

Can I ask what sort of issues you're having with your landlord? Regardless, dealing with a difficult or rude landlord can really make life a headache. I am hoping those issues can be resolved, and if not, would you and your family consider finding a new place to live with kinder landlords if possible? I know that's extreme, but if you continuously have unnecessary added stress where you live then maybe it would be worth it.

I'm sorry to hear your sister is dealing with self-harm urges. It can be scary and saddening to learn someone you love is having such a hard time, but remember those scared and worried feelings come from a place of love which is beautiful. Your sister just needs to know you care about her and are there for her, just encourage her to focus on coping mechanisms and the rest is ultimately up to her on whether she continues seeking help and how she implements her coping mechanisms.

I very seriously doubt you're a bad friend, but I'm sorry that you feel that way because I realize it's really awful to feel that way especially while dealing with a handful of other problems and the feelings that come with them. The thing is, you are dealing with a lot of difficult feelings, issues, and stress - please give yourself a break and breathe. Close your eyes, breathe in, and breathe out. Everything is gonna be okay. Things may be hard, but you are strong enough to pull through.

Would you like to talk about the close relationships you have recently lost? Since you mentioned them I imagine they are affecting you a lot, which is why I thought it could help if you let some of those feelings out. We're happy to listen if so, okay? As for the fake person who asked you out, that'd understandably be upsetting but please know that if they were fake, they didn't deserve to be in a relationship with a nice person who is real - at least not while they refuse to be genuine. Hold out for someone who treats you with respect and love.

I just want to say this: you are not annoying, and nor will you bring about any sort of stress upon reaching out. I'm happy you wrote a thread here because let me tell you, you did not stress us out, okay? We just want to help you and for you to begin feeling better, and we're here anytime you need to talk about things or just vent. Those in your life who love and care for you won't be annoyed, because they will also want to help you in any kind of way they know how. Don't be afraid to reach out to those in your personal life just as you did here. It's okay, it's healthy. Is it possible to sit down with your parents and tell them all the stress and feelings you've been having lately?

Always keep in mind that the tough times are really hard, but life is a mix of good and bad feelings... without the bad feelings there wouldn't be the possibilities of the good ones. Just hold on and take it day by day. Breathe. Take care of yourself and remember you can do this.
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