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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Can you hear the silence?
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Officially the worst week of 2016 i just feel like dying what a fail - December 27th 2016, 09:21 PM

i'm going to start this off by saying 2016 has been great I kicked lifes ass and really made my life amazing.

BUT... this week has generally fucked me over big time well there has been events which have lead up to this week but let me start from the beginning this post is mainly more of a rant and to let my emotional distress and frustration out.

I'm currently being discriminated at work because I have a learning disability and I have been treated very poorly I'm going to lose my job in january which is good because I get treated like crap and I hate the company but it's not good cause im gonna be jobless.

I worked really hard from november 1st to get to a nice healthy weight with my doctor on recovery from my anorexia and these past 6 days I HAVE FUCKING BINGED EATEN SO MUCH OMG I was for once happy with my figure I was so proud and happy and was like I recovered and look at me now im so happy yay! but ALL MY CRAVES came out of no where over stupid Christmas and for the last 6 days I have eaten so much seriously seriously over done it I know your supposed to let yourself go over these holiday period but this is gonna take ages to fix knowing my luck and I feel like all this work has well and truly gone down the drain!

On top of all this im still struggling with my mental illness as usual which isn't exactly anything new but it all adds up see what im saying? Everything piles up like building blocks of fucking stress and I just can't cope I feel like im going to have an emotional break down I was finally happy in life and looking forward to what maybe 2017 would bring me once I got out of this nasty company who have treated me like a terrible person and generally made me feel like a waste of complete space over the last 3 months who have made my life a living fucking hell I was feeling so optimistic about things I can get jobs so easily I have loads of experience I have a pretty badass resume and I can get them so easily but now I generally feel like what is the fucking point in life anymore I just want to go to bed and never wake up I take my sleeping tablets every night to help me sleep through all of my distress sadly I wake up ha

hugs would be kindly appreciated what do we have to do all we want to do is be happy why is life such an ass

I hope you guys had a fabulous Christmas and a happy new year I look forward to working with all the staff following through to 2017 I feel we can do great things this year we've an amazing team.

Wishing you all the best thank you for listening to my empowering rant.

OH BY THE WAY I skived off work today because I was so depressed and made my whole work situation with the management trying to sack me probably 10 times worse and to make it even more worse I cut myself off from the world turned my phone on airplane mode so no one could contact me yeah! im so stupid. Now if I could happily just sleep for entirety that would be much appreciated

Also I struggle with my adhd I've been to the doctors many times but me and the doctors aren't exactly best mates and they won't help me but I constantly threaten my family my mum everyone when I get angry I can't help it I'm a really nice person but I will constantly just shout fuck really loudly or say you can't for no reason or throw something like I said I can't help it I just get so mentally upset and hurt I just lash out because of my adhd why am I sucha worthless peace of shit can't life just kill me off now my manager is probably gonna give me hell now until the 5th of January when he can finally legally Sack me I just wish I could give up on life I'm never gonna be happy

Everything is wrong in my life I have no support no one to talk to no one understands
My mum doesn't understand
Dad doesn't care
Rest of the family waste of time
Doctors are useless here

What can I do? I'm in so much emotional pain and I just want to give up

Last edited by bringmethehorizon♥; December 28th 2016 at 12:04 AM.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Officially the worst week of 2016 i just feel like dying what a fail - December 28th 2016, 09:27 AM

Sorry this is all happening to you right now.

Stress is bad. If the job is causing excessive stress maybe it's good you won't be working there.

Ways I have found very helpful to reduce stress in the long run is mindfulness meditation, or mindful motion exercises such as yoga, qi-gong, tai-chi. When practiced over a few months, it can strengthen your brain's resilience to stress, and reduce stress. There may be classes or groups you could join. (Some are free.)

Best wishes. There are also guided meditations online you can try.
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Re: Officially the worst week of 2016 i just feel like dying what a fail - December 29th 2016, 04:51 AM

Hi Justin,

I'm so sorry that you're going through all this. I always find that the last month or so are really hard to deal with in general, never mind having to deal with personal problems.

Losing your dream could be a blessing in disguise, yes you will be out of a job, but you won't have to deal with the discrimination from your coworkers. I recommend that you start looking for a job now as a lot of companies hired people for Christmas but they will most likely all be going back to school in January. Send out as many resumes as you can over the next few weeks. If you want me to look over your resume I'd be more than happy. Just PM it to me, make sure you remove and reveling information like location.

Everyone gains weight over the holidays. I know how hard it is for people with eating disorders/in recovery to deal with the holiday goodies. I have eaten a lot as well over the past week, some to do with Christmas some to do with stress. I plan to start losing weight in the New Year by going for extra walks, and doing some workouts in my room. I don't have the money for a gym, so I am going to come up with a routine to help me. When you want to start losing the weight make sure you do it the healthy way like I just described above. You will lose the weight and be able to keep it off longer than you would if you were to starve yourself.

I know what it's like to take sleeping tablets to help you fall asleep and never want to wake up again. I've been through that more than I can count. But, have you ever thought that maybe there's a reason why you keep waking up? I'm not religious in anyway, but I believe that if God (or whoever is in charge of us) if they haven't taken you yet, then you're here for a reason. One of my favourite quotes:

This quote gets me through a lot of hard times, and it sums up perfectly what I have said before.

While I was scrolling on Facebook today, I found something neat that I plan to try in 2017 and maybe you can try it as well? Each week, write something good that has happened to you, and put it into a jar. On New Years Eve 2017, open the jar and read about all the good things that have happened to you that year. I think it might help with the year end blues.

Does your depression get worse during the winter months? You could try getting a SAD lamp. It's artificial sunlight that helps people get more sunlight when it's not very sunny in the winter months.

As for your ADHD, maybe you could consider going to a psychiatrist? They know a lot more about medications for mental disorders than normal doctors do. If not, then I recommend going to see a new doctor. They should be willing to help you as it is their jobs.

I understand what it's like to have no one that understands what you're going through. I've been through that most of my life. Still to this day.

I know you can get through this, Justin. You're a lot stronger than you think you are.

Stay strong,

Did you think I'd forget to give you a hug?!

Here you go!

“You are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.”

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