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BLAGHT Offline
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I Want to Die. It's Too Much - January 11th 2017, 02:25 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I've been trying to bottle up my emotions. Last time I told my school counselor and I had to go to a day-treatment for the last trimester. I'm having more suicidal and homicidal urges than ever. I don't understand why I have to live anymore

No one at school likes me. I'm often bullied and teased by other students. Last night they invited me to a group chat on Kik, and they kept insulting me. Telling me to die and that I'm worthless and have no friends. I snapped back at them because of my anger issues, and I'm afraid that I'm going to be the "bad guy" when they report it. There were 8 of them, so teachers aren't going to believe little old me. I can't stand it anymore. I have detailed plans to commit murder at my school, and I want to do it. I've come up with multiple ways that I could get myself killed or commit suicide. Why do I stay alive? I have no friends, and my parents aren't even my parents. I'm tired of living. I want to die. I can't handle it anymore. I don't even know why I'm on this site. I don't want help, I just want to give a reason for what I'm going to do. I don't want to live. I can't do it anymore. I'm in school right now, and I feel like I'm about to cry. I don't want to see my student councilor and be sent to day-treatment or kicked out of this school. I was removed from my last school because I was being beat up by 4 other kids, so I fought back and kicked their ass. The "winner" of the fight is always expelled, even though I had a broken nose and two black eyes.

I would trade all of my advanced classes and grades to have a good friend that would always be there to talk to me. Everyone thinks I'm a meanie and that I'm a quiet loner and that they can push me around and bully me. Please let me out of this world. [Edited], I just can't deal with this anymore. I'm sitting in class with a shit-load of tears running down my face, and I already hear a few pointing and laughing. Someone just kicked my knee while I was writing this. I can't live anymore. I want to leave this school, but I feel like it would be worse at another school. If I left, it would be my 4th new school district. I need to die. Now. I'm gonna steal my dads beer and overdose on my medicine. I'm going to call 911 and [Edited] Someone kill me, please. I have to write this from my school issued iPad because my parents won't let me have a phone. I get stuck with having to secretly use Kik and other apps on my school iPad. Kill me. Now. Please. I get more suicidal when people force me to go to inpatients. I can't do this. I have dreams about chopping my arms off so I can get disability and be taken care of by others for the rest of my life. I don't know why I'm posting this. I can't do this anymore. I don't want to stay alive, but I don't want my family to feel pain. At least no one at my school will know or care. There will be no grief counciling. The teachers know that I'm bullied, but they never do anything. They say to ignore it, but I can't. They won't ignore me when I pin the homecoming queen to a wall with a knife. I can't do this anymore. I want to bleed all over the schools carpet so I can leave my mark. I don't want to live, and I don't want to see tomorrow. Please kill me. I want to keep typing, but I don't know what to type. I just want to die

Last edited by .Brittany.; January 12th 2017 at 08:02 PM. Reason: Please do not post suicide methods.
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Re: I Want to Die. It's Too Much - January 12th 2017, 12:27 AM

Hey. I know that I can't possibly imagine what you're going through, but I have friends who might. They suffer from serious depression, they've gotten into several fights, none of which they started themselves. Life's a bitch sometimes, and dying, killing, or self harm might seem like the answer, but trust me, it's not. Life seems like a punishment, but it's the greatest gift you'll ever get. Those kids don't know how priceless their fellow human being is, and you know what? Screw them. Screw them and anyone else who laughs and says you're not worth anything. You are worth more than diamonds, and they are lowly dirt. So live. please live. If you die, a part of the people who care will die too. Part of me will die, because I obviously didn't try hard enough to stop you. You're not worthless, you're anything but, and as for having no friends, you have one now. So Live!!
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Re: I Want to Die. It's Too Much - January 12th 2017, 06:11 PM

Hi there,

Coming from me, bottling things up is never the answer. I usually bottle things up a lot, and I always break really hard. So I usually always recommend to never bottle things up. When something happens I recommend reaching out to talk to someone. Do you think you'd act on your homicidal urges? If you do, then I highly recommend that you seek medical help immediately. Those are scary urges to have as you could take an innocent persons life.

I have lost several friends to suicide. You might not feel like your parents don't care about you, or that you have no friends, but you really do. There are people out there who care about you.

Are you able to switch what school you go to? Have you tried talking to a teacher or a principal? Do you have any other family members who can help you? Any aunts or uncles?

I really think you need to reach out and tell someone what feelings you're having. If you act upon some of the stuff you have listed you'd just end up in prison. Please, reach out to someone for help. You should consider going to an inpatient unit.

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