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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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NotToday Offline
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Need some advice - January 11th 2017, 09:28 PM

My partner has depression and thoughts of ending his life. Weve been together for around a year and a half and i love him to bits. i cannot picture my world without him.

He told me he is having doubts about our relationship. he also said hes confused because he doesnt know if its the depression or if the doubts are actually what he feels.

I want to work through this, i want to help him.

Before this down spell hes having we were planning our future, we were going to have a house and planned on having children and getting married.

He says he still loves me.

i honestly think that this is the depression.

I dont want to lose him because he cant see past the depression. I just want him to understand that i love him and i will stick by him through everything if hell let me
   
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Re: Need some advice - January 11th 2017, 09:53 PM

Hi there,

Being in a relationship with someone who has a mental disorder is definitely tough. You have to continue to reassure them and it's hard to see them depressed to the point where they want to commit suicide. I've been on both ends of the spectrum.

What I recommend is to sit him down, talk to him about what he's feeling like. I think him knowing that you're there and that you care might help him, I know it helps me. Can you try and recommend counseling? Has he seen a doctor at all?

I can probably give more advice once you answer those questions as my advice depends on the answer.

Stay strong,
Brittany



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Re: Need some advice - January 11th 2017, 10:03 PM

Hey,

hes seen a doctor and is on tablets. he has been involved with the crisis team and is currently on a waiting list with talking matters.
   
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Re: Need some advice - January 12th 2017, 05:57 AM

Hi there,

Sorry for the delay, I was at work. I'm glad that he's at least seen his doctor and discussed how he's feeling. Has he gone to see the doctor about the meds not working? Maybe they can either change the dose or change what med he's on?

When I first was diagnosed with Depression I went through about 5 different meds until we found one that worked. Then a few years later I was diagnosed with Bipolar, then had to go through another 7-8 combinations (as we need combination meds for bipolar).

Since he's currently on a waiting list we have a list of hotlines that he can use when he needs to talk to someone.

Another thing that you could do, that might make him feel like you're there is to offer to go to his appointments with you. As long as he knows that you're there and you care about him, once he starts talking to someone, and the meds get figured out, then hopefully he will start feeling better!

Let me know if I can help more. I will keep my eyes on this thread

Stay strong, make sure you take care of yourself too!
Brittany



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Re: Need some advice - January 12th 2017, 07:53 AM

Thankyou, hes at the doctors today for a review of his meds.
   
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Re: Need some advice - January 12th 2017, 05:49 PM

I'm glad he has an appointment today! Hopefully they will change his meds around. Let me know what they end up doing



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Re: Need some advice - January 12th 2017, 11:16 PM

Hi there

Thank you for reaching out to us here at Teenhelp. You sound very caring and loving and it sounds like such a difficult situation to be in and I can not begin to imagine how hard this must all be for you and your partner.

When someone is depressed and suicidal, it can lead them to questioning a lot of things about their life including their relationship. Try imagining that you ar suicidal and you want to die (I know this will be hard) and then imagine feeling that way and being in a relationship which has a future but a future you don't want. Not that you don't want the future because of who and what it involves, but because the emotional pain and distress you are in. That can be such a hard situation to be in and I can only imagine how your partner feels as well as how it is making you feel emotionally.

I do however think it is really good and important that he is getting the emotional support from the crisis team currently and is seeing his doctor regarding medication and I hope all of this is beneficial. Its important to remember sometimes things get worse before they get better but once they hit the rock bottom, they can only go up from there and also that nothing lasts forever and neither will this, for both of you.

Please know that we are here to help and support you and if you want to pass on the name of Teenhelp to your other half so he can reach out to us on here for help and support too, then you're more than welcome too. Neither of you are ever alone. I know living with and loving someone who struggles in this way can be extremely hard emotionally so it is important you reach out to anyone around you (including us) who can help you through this too.

Remember we are always here.

Hope and wishes,
Jessie


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Re: Need some advice - January 14th 2017, 09:12 AM

Learning to be a listener is a very helpful skill. When I'm depressed it can be comforting to me just to tell someone I'm depressed so they know. They don't have to fix anything, I already have doctors working on that, them just listening to me complain, it's the listening itself that helps.

They don't really say anything, other than acknowledging whatever I say.

When I'm super depressed I know I can't trust myself to make any major decisions. I have all sorts of thoughts and feelings which later on when I'm well I no longer think or feel. The thoughts and feelings are real, and at that moment that is my reality. I've experienced it enough that I'm used to having my reality change. Life can be bleak, and I'll ruminate on everything that's wrong with my life, and everything that ever was wrong in my past. Then when I'm well life is fine, and I don't even think about those things.

If I'm feeling suicidal I know it will pass in a day or two. I just ask my partner to watch over me and make sure I don't make any rash decisions.

Still the suffering is real. When I'm depressed life is bleak, and it does hurt to be alive, and I do need someone to be my external brain because I know my brain ain't working and it's not reliable.

And when I'm well the joy is real, the world is a nice place, and I wonder how this fine OK world can be the same world that was bleak and miserable just a few days ago.

I don't need someone to fix things, I just need someone to come along with me on the ride. You can be that someone who goes along with them on their ride through life. Sometimes it's a scary dark room ride, other times it's a wonderful fun merry-go-round. Only thing is, it's the same ride!

Just be there with them. Listen to them when they feel like complaining. It's the listening itself that helps.

(Also take care of yourself. You can nurture others if you take care of your own needs first. [Like they say on airplanes, put your own oxygen mask on first.] There may be a support group for people who have a friend or family member who has mental illness problems.)

(It's also possible when he's well he'll be the most kind and caring individual ever. People who really suffer often end up caring a lot about others, and sometimes express tremendous gratitude for those who helped them through the dark times.)
   
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Re: Need some advice - January 15th 2017, 09:10 AM

If you think you should stick on to him, then you should. No having second thoughts.
   
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Re: Need some advice - January 17th 2017, 06:37 PM

Hi There,

I was in a similar situation with my current partner a few years back. He was having really bad depression and was questioning are relationship are really everything around him. I made sure to stick with him, listen to him, and help him try to see the positives in our relationship and everything else in life. He eventually came out his depression and we've been solid since then.

So with that being said, there's a big chance his doubts are stemming from his depression. As it is an illness that makes us feel we aren't enough a lot of the times. I'm glad that he's chatting with doctors about medication. Do you know if he told them about him wanting to end his life? I think that he should if he hasn't already. Also, I'm glad he's on a waiting list to see somebody. I would suggest that if it gets urgent, try to get emergency help.

I'm glad you are there to support him. If you ever need support yourself or just want to chat more about this situation or anything, please feel free to message me. I am always here.
   
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Re: Need some advice - January 18th 2017, 12:25 AM

Thanks everyone for the replies, im going to stick by him for whatever he needs.

Your replies have really helped keep my hopes up and helped me understand a bit more.

Thankyou
   
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