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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Name: Cerrina Foster
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Exclamation I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! LIFE ISN'T WORTH IT! - January 13th 2017, 03:14 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Come for me death, because I do not want to face anything anymore. I'm weary. Dumb teacher had to go prying, bringing up bad old memories I had buried five years ago.And now she wants me to write a paper about it! I mean you have to be kidding me! I can't even handle my emotions on a regular damn basis, and here she is prying into MY worst nightmare. I can't handle any more. I try, and try, and now I just can't take it any more. It is too much. Way too much. There are so many...feelings....and emotions....and they don't make any sense, and I can't understand what I'm feeling. I am taking in too much, and I can't deal with it anymore. I have done my best, tried to ignore it,and yet, it doesn't work. I pretend aND trey to manipulate myself into believing life will get better, but it hasn't. It has gotten worse instead! My only anchor odd gone. My cat, the only one who ever cared is dead, and I have nothing left. I feel emptiness and darkness where a small bit of hope resided. If life is going to be cruel enough to take my only attachment...what point is there? Death is preferable. At least than I'm not struggling, trying to figure out all out. List and unsure. Totally vulnerable, and insecure. At least than all these feelings that revise to go away and just leave me alone will be gone. I just....I don't know what to do. I just don't think I can handle any of this anymore.
   
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Re: I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! LIFE ISN'T WORTH IT! - January 13th 2017, 03:56 AM

Hi, Cerrina!

Firstly, welcome to TeenHelp! I'm Ellie, and I'm very sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. Feeling emptiness and darkness, along with dealing with hurtful events in life. I'm so sorry for your loss as well. Pets start to become family instead of just an animal, and it can be incredibly difficult to lose them. You may have lost your cat but you didn't lose the sweet memories and experiences. You loved and still do love your cat and that sweet cat will live on in your heart. I still remember and value all my pets, even the ones I've lost 10+ years ago. Each pet is an individual and leaves an impact on you.

Can I ask what your cat's name was? I realize it may be difficult to talk about but talking about it may help a lot, even just stories and memories with your cat. If you want to talk about him/her, I'm happy to listen. I like hearing about pets and people's experiences with their pets. Remember, it's okay to feel what you're feeling and grieve. Your cat meant a lot to you so it isn't strange to feel this way, but I know it's hard so it's important to allow yourself to process the feelings that come along.

Is there anyone close to you that you can open up to for support? Dealing with all the feelings and struggles alone can be hard, and you deserve to have support. Simple support and being able to let it out can be helpful all on its own. Speaking of, finding creative outlets can be therapeutic such as journaling. You can dedicate a poem, song or story to your cat, and write others to express your feelings.

When people around you inquire about memories and open up old wounds, when it still hurts/affects you, it can be really upsetting. While your past is a sensitive topic for you, my theory is that your teacher feels putting thought into writing a paper and opening up about it that it'd help you come to terms with your past and heal. Even though it is in the past, it seems to still be affecting you and your teacher likely picked up on that.

Remember that while you loved your cat, your cat loved you too. Remember that he/she would want you to survive by holding on. Our pets are protective of us, and want us to stay safe. I understand you must be hurting deeply to see death as preferable but suicide isn't the answer. You've going through a dark time and yes, there will be difficult times to come in the future, but it will always get better. There's always gonna be better days and better things to come after the storm, you know? The best moments, experiences and parts of life are worth holding on for.

Take care and hold on. You can do this.
   
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Re: I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! LIFE ISN'T WORTH IT! - January 13th 2017, 10:47 PM

Hi there

Thank you for coming to us here at Teenhelp for some help and support. I know it can be hard reaching out and to talk about what is going on but you've done so well in doing so. I wanted to welcome you to the site too. I see you're new here. I'm Jessie and you are always welcome to come to us here or PM me anytime if you need some support to help you through this.

It sounds like things are really tough for you right now and I am sorry to hear that you are going through all this and it seems like you are going through it quite alone too which I can relate too and know i can be a horrible feeling so I hope that having us here now, helps you a little bit, even if it is just to vent or rant about what is going on and how you are feeling.

I have picked up on something but please tell me if I am wrong. You really do not seem to open up about anything going either by talking, through writing things down or expressing yourself through anything else such as writing poetry or sing lyrics etc and you say you try to ignore it instead but I know for a lot of people, including myself, this can seem and feel like the best thing to do in the moment, however, after so long, it does all build up inside of us and at some point we reach the top because we're so full of everything we've kept inside us and we burst like a balloon which can be with a bang such as becoming angry and aggressive, hurting oneself, attempting/completing suicide or leading to what is known as a "nervous breakdown" and of course I do not want any of these things to happen to you.

So I am wondering whether together, we can help you find a way to express yourself but something you feel comfortable in. So some idea's are talking to us or someone else you trust about how you feel and what is going on such as a teacher, school nurse or counsellor, your doctor/GP, a helpline or even a friend or family member that you trust. You could also write things down in a journal/diary or just on a piece of paper and even rip it up afterwards. You can also write poetry, song lyrics, stories and so on to express yourself or you can do things like dance, kick boxing, hitting a punch bag etc to help release the emotion and thoughts that you don't let out to prevent them from building up until you "burst". Please do know that we are always here for you and will try to help you as much as we can do!

Has anything happened to make you feel this way and to feel so low? If there is nothing you can really think of then be aware then that is okay because sometimes we can feel like this for no reason or due to a chemical imbalance in our brains. However sometimes we can go through something we find hard to deal with or a traumatic experience which can trigger these emotions and thoughts off. If there is anything and you do feel you want to (now or in the future) talk to us about it at all, then please know we're here to help and support you as much and as best as we can and we will never judge you or think bad. However, we know it can be hard to open up so know you can take this at your own pace and choose to open up whenever and if you ever want to open up to us.

I want you to know that nothing in the world lasts forever. No experience, emotion or thought and that these emotions and thoughts will pass in time too. You have to remember that and hold on to hope; as long as you hold on to hope, it will keep you alive. Do not allow killing yourself to be an option. You deserve to experience a life which can be so bright and beautiful for you. Have you ever thought about starting to make a list of reasons to live? It can be the smallest things ever or big things too, if you want. Having aims and goals can really help us too, but again, all your own pace.

Just remember you are not and never will be alone and we're here for you and we are rooting for you. Keep yourself safe and reach out for help when and if you need it.

Hope and wishes,
Jessie


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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Re: I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! LIFE ISN'T WORTH IT! - January 14th 2017, 07:46 AM

http://www.wingofmadness.com/depress...cal-illness-19
   
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