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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Fanatic Offline
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That feeling when you just don't want to try anymore. - January 13th 2017, 03:53 AM

So, I was supposed to have a counselor's appointment today to talk about my issues, such as my depression, anxiety, and suicidal issues, but I purposely missed it. And I realized that I don't think I have the strength or motivation to go anymore. My feelings have been quite "back and forth" lately, so a lot of the time I'm not sure how to feel. Right now, I'm just going through my life, regularly being with them and doing my assignments, also going to class and watching my shows like normal. Not much motivation tho to draw. I don't know if I'm just fine right now or not. Really I might just feel indifferent to everything. Or just numb to everything. Suicide has been a thing still, but it's just thoughts for now. Oh also, quite indifferent to people as well and their issues. Even to my own.



"I'm not a piece of cake for you to just discard
While you walk away with the frosting of my heart
So I'm taking back what's mine, you'll miss
The slice of heaven that I gave to you last night
." - "Cake" by Melanie Martinez


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Re: That feeling when you just don't want to try anymore. - January 13th 2017, 04:58 AM

Hi, Mary!

Despite feeling a lack of motivation, I'm glad you decided to open up here. I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Dealing with issues such as depression and suicide along with other factors can be difficult, but lack of motivation and apathy can be difficult in its own way as well because it feels like you're stuck. Not happy, not sad but just there.

Have you been seeing this counselor, or is this a first appointment? Regardless, you must have had reasons for working on recovery to go to counseling in the first place. Reasons that made you want to recover. How about making a list of reasons to continue working towards recovery? While you're currently feeling unmotivated to try, starting a list (even if it's small) may help remind you why you tried in the first place and encourage you again. As time goes on, you can add more reasons and keep the list somewhere safe where you can look at it when you begin feeling this way again.

Depression and anxiety has a way of wearing you down, making you feel as if there's no point in trying and leads you into apathy. There's too many difficult feelings, and it's like you crash and shut down due to it. I understand you're struggling with motivation, but sometimes completing an action towards recovery is helpful despite not feeling motivated to do so. Perhaps talking to your counselor will help you figure out your thoughts and begin feeling and processing those feelings again, as well as receiving advice/support that seems much needed right now.

Reintroducing yourself to people, hobbies and other interests that once touched your emotions may help now to get back in touch with yourself. Spending time with those you love and engaging in activities that made you feel positive emotions for could help. I realize it must be hard right now, but hold on and don't give up on yourself. The future is a mystery and it's bound to hold great things worth working towards.

You're welcome to message me if you'd like to talk. Take care of yourself, Mary!
   
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Re: That feeling when you just don't want to try anymore. - January 13th 2017, 08:03 AM

Counseling is supposed to be something to look forward to, not something to dread.

You could consider changing counselors if your current one isn't a match for you.

It's also possible ( and personally I suspect this is the case) if you have gone to talk therapy and it isn't helping, it could be a sign that the problem is a medical one, especially if this has been going on for a long time. You're at the age where clinical depression commonly develops, plus having both depression and anxiety is another clue, and talk therapy not being helpful is another clue (you can't talk your way out of a medical condition).

Plus it sounds similar to what I went through.

Here's a link to a story that explains it better. Hope it helps:

http://www.wingofmadness.com/depress...dical-illness/

The other thing is if it's not a medical issue, taking a pill won't fix it, but it won't hurt to try either. (However then talk therapy ought to help, which it apparently isn't, which is why I suspect when you find the right antidepressant medication you'll feel more normal and won't be plagued by these depressing feelings anymore. Keep hope there is a way out of this!)

Blessings!

{Plus as I reread your description above, it sounds like a classic case of clinical depression. Just bring what you wrote to your doctor, or to a psychiatrist doctor. They'll recognise it right away. You'll feel much better once it's fixed.}
   
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Re: That feeling when you just don't want to try anymore. - January 13th 2017, 10:31 PM

Hey there

I want to thank you for reaching out to us for some help and support here at Teenhelp! I am sorry you are feeling this way at the moment but I think it is good and positive that you have recognised what is going on for you and that you are reaching out for help around you; that is really great! You do not deserve to go through all this by yourself but deserve help and support and I hope we can help you in some way.

I know that going to appointments with someone such as a counsellor can be really hard and a scary thought because it's going to be a place where you open up about your worst fears and darkest thoughts and emotions but even though it can be hard, it can also be really helpful. The fight to get through things like this isn't easy, however if it was easy, it probably wouldn't be worth fighting for.

I am wondering whether you have had a counselling session before or whether the one you are talking about was your first session? If you've had some sessions previously, I am wondering how you felt they went and whether they helped and if not why? Maybe we could work out what could make it a little easier for you so you feel able to attend the sessions in the future. If it was your first one, I can relate to the fear of going to a first session because it can be very daunting and you are not sure what to expect so we often think its going to be horrible and really bad and think of it ending up in worst case scenarios which really is not always the case. But we can talk about ways to make it managable so you feel able to attend the sessons if you wish.

I can see you are struggling with having motivation but I actually think that even though this is an issue for you, that you are doing well because you are still getting up in the morning, getting ready, attending education, completing work and watching TV programmes. I know when I have had no motivation, I have just spent days or weeks in bed doing nothing so I think you are managing this well but if it gets worse to a point where you are not engaging in these things, then I think it would be important for you to address this again to see what you can do to change it. And even though I say you are doing well, I realise you may normally engage in more than what you are engaging in now, so there is an aim and goal to work towards too but take it at your own pace. Sometimes we can really throw ourselves into trying to do something and it just sets us back because we do too much. However there is also a skill in DBT (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy) which activation before motivation which means sometimes we have not motivation but we still act and once we get doing something, the motivation begins to kick in. Does that make sense?

If you want to talk more about how you feel and the suicidal thoughts etc you are experiencing then please feel free to talk to us about them. I know having depression and anxiety etc can be really hard to live with on a daily basis but life will always have ups and downs for every person. However, nothing lasts forever so its about understanding this, remembering it through the bad and dark times, and appreciating the good times when we have them. Never let suicide be an option. You deserve life and to live and your future can be so bright but if you end it now, you will never get to see that or experience it and that would be devastating.

And if you ever feel at serious risk to yourself, please talk to us, a helpline or take yourself to A&E/ER or call emergency services for help and support. You deserve that help, okay? Its what people are there for; to help you through the dark times, including us. We want to see things get better for you and we will do what ever we can to help things get better for you.

Keep safe and please talk to us when ever you feel you need too or want too. You are never alone in this.

Hope and wishes,
Jessie


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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