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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Arion Offline
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Unhappy Its only gotten worse.. - January 14th 2017, 06:06 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm not completely sure how to properly express my feelings when I'm so used to hiding them... I don't exactly have a good parent and I plan to leave when 18 and cut her out so that I can get better, but the longer it goes on the less I think I'll even make it to 18.. from neglect, verbal abuse, athoritarion parenting or she's uninvolved because she's away with a boy friend, sexual assault/abuse, and just other forms... I never really classified it as anything but whenever I do talk about it people claim its abuse/other bad things, also why I don't talk to teachers and counselors about it.. I could get taken. If I really think about it its been going on for a really long time probably birth but more like 4 yrs old is when I remember it starting... So if I am mentally ill, i have been for over 10 yrs and will be until I'm cut free from the cause.. Its normally really hard to talk about because I cry and choke up.

Recently is when it really.. snapped, I'm still faking in front of everyone but inside the suicide thoughts have gotten worse.. more sexual abuse flash backs, night terrors and sleep paralysis... Its its probably because I've lost the one thing that was my dream.. my real hope, and of course theirs really nothing I can do with age and such plus my parent doesn't really like others happiness that doesn't fit her own.. It sounds bratty but she's mentally lost 2 kids because of it, I'll just be the first to physically do my best to cut her out.

I cry daily just wishing I'd suddenly get adopted and be able to follow hope and get better and not be miserable... And i know that'll never happen, but it really does hurt seeing or hearing about parents and wishing you were their child... not just that everything seems to hurt.

And people always try to give positivity or long emotional messages but.. It just makes it worse because its the same basic thing.. It doesn't really stand out or help its another basic form of trying that.. does nothing

I guess there's nothing I can really do about it, mentally its gotten so bad that I'm physically effected (throwing up when upset), and I've really just been hiding it all because of i let anyone know or let it slip up ... I could make it worse... If you want to hear it from the beginning I'm willing to private message it to you, I just don't want to sound like a troll or like I'm blaming parents for my problems, which is another reason why I don't speak up... I've typed a full page it seems, so I'll end it here..
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.Brittany. Offline
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Re: Its only gotten worse.. - January 14th 2017, 04:21 PM

Hi there Arion,

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. It's always difficult to have family who isn't actually there for you. I've heard of a few people leave their houses at the age of 18 and a lot of them are still struggling to make ends meet. When you do move out at 18, I highly recommend that you get a group of friends together to rent a place, that way you can split on the bills and hopefully not have to pay as much.

You have another option as well, since you're under the age of 18. You could consider getting emancipated. I've only really heard of this once, and it was on a TV show. Which means I'm not 100% sure of how it works. I did find this website (click here) that gives you a lot more information about how it works. The downside is that you have to pay for a lot more stuff, especially since you're living in the US.

Or you could also see if there was another family member that you could live with until you're 18.

If you feel like you're in danger, then I highly recommend getting Child Welfare involved. I found more information online about how to report child abuse and neglect (click here).

Now, for how you're feeling, are you able to talk to someone about how you're feeling? Are you able to talk to your doctor or your therapist? They might have other suggestions for how to help you feel better in your current situation. I highly recommend that you also use these hotlines (click here) when you're struggling and talk to one of them. The situation that you're in is definitely difficult. However, you need to remember that you're never alone, and that we are all here for you.

Stay strong,
Brittany



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Re: Its only gotten worse.. - January 14th 2017, 11:42 PM

Hi Arion,

I'm really sorry that you are in this position and have been afraid to talk to others about it. I think your fear of talking about it is completely understandable. You've been through a lot and it's okay to be scared. Despite that, what you're living through is not healthy for you at all. I think you're realizing that, especially when you say you feel like you might not make it to 18 so you can move out. I know you fear talking to others like someone at school but I do think it's in your best interest. I know you may not want child services to get involved but what you're mother is doing is hurting you and it should be addressed. No one should be living in that and you deserve help. But this is your choice in the end.

Brittany gave you some good options too. Looking into emancipation or waiting until you're 18 to move out with friends or roommates is a good idea too. It is something that you can look into to see if it is a good option for you.

If you do choose to not talk to others about the family situation, I think the way you've been feeling should be at least addressed with a professional though. No one should keep that in to themselves. You deserve help. Your problems do matter.


"You'll have to decide for yourself. Walk on your own. Move forward. You've got a strong pair of legs, Rose. You should get up and use them."
   
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