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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
I'm a fucking spaz
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Question I hate everything and I want to die - January 24th 2017, 03:38 AM

Recently, I had a close friend who helped me not cut. He showed me care and affection I hadon't had the chance to know what with the state of my broken home. Five months ago, we started dating.

However, the only other friend I had felt something for him. They went behind my back twice, but I forgave them both times as long as I knew they would do better.

Last night, my friend had a mental break down in front of my boyfriend. He felt so bad for her, he asked me if it was okay to break up with me to start dating my friend. Of course I said yes, I want them both to be happy. They started dating today.

I don't know why, but I'm horribly depressed. I try to do something productive and I end up staring at a wall and crying. He was the only person I ever cared about, how could he just leave me alone like that? What happens when I want to cut again ? I relied on him, and him on me. What will happen now? And now after everything, my friend has shut me out and she's being a complete bitch. You'd think she'd at least be happy after taking everything from me.

I don't know why I'm upset, it's just some guy. I know you'll think it's stupid but we were talking about getting married, since I wanted to move out of this fucked up home as soon as I could. I loved him. I know it sounds stupid. Honestly though, what am I supposed to do? Why am I so damn upset? Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

"Those who aim to avoid their fate, often meet it on the road to escape."
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Re: I hate everything and I want to die - January 25th 2017, 11:46 PM

Hi, Emily.

I'm so sorry about this. I don't think it's stupid, and I see and understand why you are upset. If that happened to me, I'd be heartbroken.

Your boyfriend chose you in the first place to begin dating you, and then decided to date someone else because that person was struggling. In my opinion, a person shouldn't date another person solely because they feel bad for them. Much less break up with the person they're currently dating to do so. Then with your friend treating you badly now, it feels like both of them showed their true colors.

It wasn't just some guy; you talked about getting married, he helped you and you cared a lot about him - it'll take time and being kind to yourself. I can understand how this would affect you a lot especially since you were seeking support from him. Is there others in your life you can turn to, such as a parent or family member to talk to about this, as well as your self-harm struggles? Is there a trusted teacher or guidance counselor? You mentioned issues with a broken home? You're welcome to open up about that if you'd like to talk about it.

Your ex hurt you a lot, and so did your friend. It's understandable to be incredibly hurt by this. It'll take time to get through this, but you can. You're a strong girl, Emily, stronger than you feel like you are right now. Don't keep this inside. All these feelings will hurt you more if they're bottled up. Talk to us; blog; seek creative outlets such as writing poetry, stories, songs or simply journaling.

You shouldn't be alone through this. Which is why I'm really glad you reached out to us. We'll be here for you, okay? You can PM me if you need to talk about anything - I always like making new friends. Your boyfriend didn't recognize what he had, I imagine. You seem so sweet so it's his loss. You got your whole life ahead of you and many chances for relationships that are true and genuine, you know? Everything is going to be okay. Focus on yourself. Be a friend to yourself and occupy yourself with those around you who care. You'll stumble upon a guy who'll appreciate you and love you for who you are.
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Re: I hate everything and I want to die - January 26th 2017, 12:08 AM

I completely get what you are going through, and it's not something that you should feel ashamed of. They both left your life at the same time, and not in a very good way.

I think you should reach out to someone about how you are feeling, because talking about it always makes you feel better (I think ) Know that I am always free to talk about anything, and would be happy to help. But, I do understand that sometimes you need a physical person to talk to, in which I think you should talk to a family member, a therapist, or even another friend.

I am incredibly sorry that you have gone through al of this, and I hope it gets better
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Re: I hate everything and I want to die - January 30th 2017, 09:25 AM

I kinda know how you feel. Someone left me about a year ago, and it hurt. We talked about the same thing you did, moving out together, (not quite marriage yet) and getting away from messed up homes. She left because she couldn't handle mine and hers at the same time. I got nothing against her, but it still hurt. You're boyfriend has a damsel in distress syndrome. Not sure if that's real or not, but i call it that. He always gotta be helping someone, in which case, the relationship would never have worked in the first place. I can't really tell ya much because i don't know you, but from my viewpoint, you just need to realize you don't need him. You don't need anybody. We are born into this world completely alone. (Metaphorically speaking of course) And that's how we all die. Alone. You don't need someone else there to keep you from cutting. You got your own back. You can watch out for yourself. Nobody will care about you as much as you'll have to care about your own self. Sad, but true.
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Re: I hate everything and I want to die - January 31st 2017, 05:54 AM

I'm really sorry for what you are going through. Just know that every emotion you are feeling is valid. You just "lost," a person you loved in a sense. You may have told him it was okay to date your friend but that doesn't mean it won't hurt. Just know that he's not in the right here. You should never date a person simply because you feel bad for them - that will lead to disaster. And you should never leave the person you love to be with someone, or was it truly ever love?

Right now you're probably going through a cycle of grief, which is typical with ending a relationship that was serious. I would suggest doing things that you love to do to try and help you get through this time. Talk to friends. Don't let it be bottled up. Do you have a teacher at school you can trust? Talk to them, a teacher is doing their job because they love their students and want to see them flourish both academically and emotionally. I would also suggest talking to a counselor if you already haven't. It seems like you have many other areas in your life that you need support with, a counselor can be a great resource for you.

If you ever want to chat about anything, feel free to message me. I'm here to listen. <3
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