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Hurting - March 6th 2017, 06:52 PM

Something terrible happened to my dad and he is in a wheelchair and he can't walk anymore. This year was going to be the 5th year of the father daughter golf team. But I can't do it. It makes me so upset and I cry a lot and I am depressed because I was always doing things with my dad. Two weeks ago we had a father daughter dance at my school and I didn't get to go. It's like my life has changed so much now. I wish that this never happened to him, he is so angry now and our cats and dogs are always running around the house and they get into his way, me and my sisters, and mom have to grab them so he can get his wheelchair through. We have so much stress, my friends try not to talk about golf around me at school because I cry, I don't mean to cry. We had to move to a new house because our last one had too many stairs and my dad was just stuck in one room. Sometimes I feel like this is all a dream and I will wake up and be ok, but I am not. Does anyone know anything to help so I am not so upset all of the time?
   
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Re: Hurting - March 6th 2017, 07:04 PM

I wish I did but all I can say is if you give it time I sure you'll both adjust to the new situation
   
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Re: Hurting - March 9th 2017, 01:25 AM

Hi Emma,

Welcome to TeenHelp, I know you recently joined.

I'm so sorry to hear about what your dad is going through. From what you posted, I can definitely see that your family isn't helping either. I've gone through similar situations, however my dad was on crutches, not a wheelchair, so it's not exactly the same.

Are you able to talk to your mom about how this is making you feel? Maybe you guys can come up with some kind of plan to help him.

Everyone in your family is definitely going through some serious changes with what's going on. Not only does it effect your dad, but it effects your entire family.

Maybe you can see if your parents would be willing to try going to counselling together? Or you could also reach out to a therapist yourself to have someone there to talk to. I know this might not help much, but let me know if I can help you any other way.

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Re: Hurting - March 9th 2017, 01:25 AM

Hi Emma,

Welcome to TeenHelp, I know you recently joined.

I'm so sorry to hear about what your dad is going through. From what you posted, I can definitely see that your family isn't helping either. I've gone through similar situations, however my dad was on crutches, not a wheelchair, so it's not exactly the same.

Are you able to talk to your mom about how this is making you feel? Maybe you guys can come up with some kind of plan to help him.

Everyone in your family is definitely going through some serious changes with what's going on. Not only does it effect your dad, but it effects your entire family.

Maybe you can see if your parents would be willing to try going to counselling together? Or you could also reach out to a therapist yourself to have someone there to talk to. I know this might not help much, but let me know if I can help you any other way.

Stay Strong,
Brittany



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stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.”


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Re: Hurting - March 9th 2017, 01:32 PM

Thank you for what you said. I haven't told my mom how I feel. I don't want to upset her more.
   
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Re: Hurting - March 10th 2017, 01:27 AM

Hi, Emma!

Welcome to TeenHelp! I'm sorry to hear about what you and your family are going through, but I'm glad you decided to join TeenHelp and reach out. I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now, but I wouldn't want you to go through it alone keeping it inside, you know? So thanks for joining us and reaching out, Emma.

It must be really hard to see the 5th father daughter gold team go by without being able to golf with him, as well as the father daughter dance. I can't imagine what it must have been like to be spending so much time with your dad during events like these, and to have that all be taken away in an instant. I completely understand why you'd be upset and depressed. I certainly would be as well.

You mentioned he is angry often, and I understand. He didn't just lose mobility but he lost the ability to spend time with you doing bonding activities. I'm wondering if it will help to take up new activities that he can do with you even while in a wheelchair? It may help him a lot to find that he can still spend time with you and have fun despite what happened. I know it is a huge change and you two can't do everything you once did such as golfing, or dancing at the father daughter dance, but this may be a chance to begin new traditions. I'm unsure how possible it is, but how about bowling? I know people who do bowl while in a wheelchair. Are there any local trails that are accessible in a wheelchair? It may help both you and your dad if he were able to get out of the house into nature again, and you two could enjoy quality time together. Aside from those two things, how about a father daughter board game night, movie night, binge watch a TV show etc. In addition you could play video games together, do arts and crafts, write a poem or story.

Moving to a new house must be quite scary but I'm hoping it is a positive change, and maybe your dad is happier having more space to move around the house? This is a huge change for all of you. While this is a huge change in your dad's life, it affects you too as well as your family. Adjusting may take a lot of time, but your dad must love you a lot so I'm sure he appreciates having you around even if he seems angry at times. Perhaps you could write your dad a note, telling him that no matter what happens, whether he can walk or not you love him. A simple note like that could brighten his day more than the sun can.

Talking to people in your life is a good idea. I understand you don't want to upset your mom, but that shows what a kind heart you have, you know? The thing is, your mom is likely hurting too, as well as your dad and your sisters. That's why it's important to open up about how you're feeling because if you are all closing off your feelings to yourselves, it will build up and cause stress and anger. Families are stronger together if they lean on each other and help each other out, rather than try to handle it alone. Opening up to your mom, and letting her open up as well may be really good for both of you.

Another important thing to remember is that it's okay to cry. What happened to your dad is understandably affecting you a lot, and crying is a healthy release for those emotions. Speaking of, finding additional outlets such as journaling, art and creative writing can be therapeutic. Going for runs and generally exercising, as well as doing yoga may help you with the feelings you're experiencing since it gives you a release, and helps center your thoughts a bit.

Mainly, remember that it is okay to process all the feelings that come with this change, and secondly, the people around you love you and would want to help, so it's okay to let them in. And of course, we're here for you through this. You are more than welcome to message me anytime you need someone to talk to. Plus, I always enjoy making a new friend and you seem like a kind person. Come say hi to me sometime! But for now, take care of yourself and hold on. I know it's really hard right now but things will get better, even if it feels like it's going downhill right now. There'll be better days and through the hard days you'll have support here.
   
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Re: Hurting - March 10th 2017, 01:50 AM

Thank you so much Ellie for your help with this.
   
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