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Chaotic_ Offline
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He thinks I'm ready, but I'm not. - March 7th 2017, 05:09 PM

I had my counseling appointment today and it left me feeling kind of depressed. He asked when I wanted to come back and I said "two weeks," and he basically said "that's fine, soon we should be able to get you to three," but I don't even feel remotely ready for that. I don't know if it's because I think there's a lot to talk about and he doesn't, or what. I mentioned my self-harm urges a few months ago, and he never got back to on that topic which kind of upset me. But I haven't had any recently so I don't think it's worthy to bring it up. Honestly, I don't feel like it's worth it to bring anything up hence why I've maybe learned a few coping mechanisms and that's it.

His advice is always to leave the past in the past because it's not going to help anything. Which is sucky because sometimes I really just want to talk about the things that hurt me.

I'm still struggling with wanting to hang out with friends.
Getting coursework done.
Reaching out to people when I'm feeling depressed.

Overall, I just don't know what to do. I really like him and I don't want him to give up on me. I'm not ready to move my appointments, if anything I would like more. But I'm way to "stable" for that.

It sucks.
I know it's partly my fault because my self-worth and anxiety get in the way of telling him how I feel, but I don't know what to do. Honestly, I think it would be helpful to open up appoinments with rating my anxiety and depression in the moment and talking through that and what happened in the last few weeks. But I don't know if I'm even worth it or if he'll do it, or how to tell him.

Another infrequent thought that I have is that sometimes I wish I could just "attempt," suicide because then he would realize that I'm actually suffering. As stated it's very infrequent and I would never act on it but it crosses my mind every now and again.
   
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danh19 Offline
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Re: He thinks I'm ready, but I'm not. - March 7th 2017, 05:51 PM

that doesn't sound right as you said you should be able to talk about your past and he should have taken the self harming seriously
   
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_Headphones_ Offline
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Re: He thinks I'm ready, but I'm not. - March 7th 2017, 07:07 PM

Hey Cass,
I know how difficult this could be when your therapist suggest going longer in between appointments. I can only see my therapist once a month so I know how hard it is. I have a couple thoughts and ideas about this.

I feel like you should be able to open up to him and tell him that you don't feel ready for that, I would also ask him to explain to you why he feels like you could spreed out your appointments. Because when he is explaining it to you, you might be like yeah I understand that. You might also change your mind about not wanting to do it. If you still don't think you are ready after he explains it, I would tell him, and explain to him why you don't feel like you are ready.

I feel like him saying to leave the past in the past isn't really helpful. Most of the time our past is what shapes are problems we are having now.

About how you want to open up the sessions sounds like I really good idea. My therapist actually gives us a paper we have to fill out with numbers to see how depressed and anxious we are. Your therapist won't know you want to do this unless you tell him.

I think the best way to get a lot out of therapy is to talk and voice your opinions and shape what way each appointment is going to go according to what you want to do. I also thing a big thing is communication and honesty. You say you are still struggling with somethings, I suggest tell him about this and he might have ideas on how you can over come those difficulties.

Most important thing is that you trust your therapist and have a good connection with them. You said you cant really open up that well to your therapist but you like them. Is there a possibility that you just aren't comfortable with him? If so maybe you should ask for a new therapist. I know for me I am not comfortable with male therapist or Psychologist. So I always have to voice that when I am getting a new one.

I hoped this has helped a little bit. If you ever need to talk, vent, need someone to listen, or if you just want to chat about anything my PM/VM is always open.

Your Friend,
Essa<3


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Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
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