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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Fanatic Offline
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Unhappy What's the point of living? - March 14th 2017, 08:58 AM

Nothing in life makes sense anymore..I have a hard time being happy and Im frightened by the idea of losing anyone else..I know it cant be true but alone, I feel alone like I always have. It reminds me of my past self and I rather not go back to the past but sometimes it's unavoidable..I feel like life feels meaningless and too long. It feels all too dull and lonely..I just dont want to ask for help anymore because it seems so pointless. So whats the point of living if I feel any better than I am without feeling so utterly worthless and broken?

"I'm not a piece of cake for you to just discard
While you walk away with the frosting of my heart
So I'm taking back what's mine, you'll miss
The slice of heaven that I gave to you last night
." - "Cake" by Melanie Martinez

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What's the point of living? - March 14th 2017, 10:58 AM

Hi Fan, it sounds like you're in a really dark place.

Just a tip from someone who also tends to feel hopeless sometimes: some of us are built to have a weakness for getting depressed. Either you are one of these people, or you're often having a hard time for these few years of your life. Young adult life can be really stressful, but it does get better, so please do hang in there.

You mentioned being afraid to lose anyone else. Forgive me, I don't know your full history on the people you've lost, but it sounds like you've lost people important to you? It may be worth you making a specific point of working through that more thoroughly, perhaps with a professional, because when we lose people, we can move on. But we need to heal properly to do that. To heal well from a loss means understanding what that person meant to you, and taking strength from that - whether they were a loved one who died and whom you miss terribly, or whether they are somebody who betrayed you and unwittingly taught you what you need to do to be strong.

As for feeling alone, well, just for the moment resolving that might be difficult because you already said you're nervous about losing anyone you get close to (which is why I suggested focussing the help you get on resolving your fears about this). But if you want to know the specific things you need to look for in a relationship to feel well-connected, then here's a list. This is from Richard Erskine, just to give credit where it's due:

Security: Look for somebody with whom you feel safe. They may or may not need to provide you with the really basic survival stuff (food, shelter, etc.) but they should definitely be able to provide you with a feeling of security against being abandoned, humiliated, or attacked. I absolutely hear your fears about being abandoned, but if you can find somebody to connect with who doesn't seem to be the type to do this, then you'v got a good start.

Valuing: Look for somebody who values you, who sees you as worthy of respect. Perhaps somebody who likes your art or writing (if you do either). If they appreciate you for some characteristic you possess, then that is what you are looking for.

Acceptance: Look for somebody who accepts you as you are, without demanding that you change for their benefit.

Mutual experience: It's important that the person/people you find to connect with have walked in your shoes, who know what it's like to live the life you have lived, and continue to live.

Self-definition: Whoever you find, be aware that although you two will have similarities, you must also have space to be different from the other person, and that that does not damage the relationship. It's healthy to want to be, or do, separate things.

Have an impact: An important hallmark of a friendship is that you can see that you have an impact on them, that your words and actions matter to them.

For the other to initiate: It's also important that you have the space and freedom to initiate things with the other person. Ideas, meeting up, that kind of thing.

Express love: In a good, strong friendship, it's healthy for both people involved to look at the other once in a while and say, "I love you/You're great, do you know that?/This is why we're such good friends".

With all of that said, I'm not aiming to put pressure on you to find someone and do all of the above. It's for your information only, if you wish to use it. A bit of sign-posting, if you like, to tell you what to look for in a relationship that would allow you to feel less lonely. I'm still aware that you're afraid of connection, and urge you to seek professional help for this.

You'll thank yourself in the future. Take care of yourself
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Re: What's the point of living? - March 21st 2017, 02:44 AM

Hi Mary,

I'm really sorry that you're feeling this way. Growing up, and even to this day, I have lost a lot of people in my life. I definitely know how hard it is, espeically when you're at the point where you feel like you won't be able to handle anymore death. Eventually you will realize that it's not something that you can control. It took me several years to learn this, but eventually I started believing it. You are definitely not alone, you have us, your family, and your friends. We all care about you and will always be here to listen.

Trying to recover from your past is always very difficult. What I try and do is realize that what has happened in the past can't be changed. The only thing I have the power to change will be what happens in the future. I find that it's helping me change my future into something positive. Maybe this might help you?

Never be afraid to reach out and ask for help. Everyone needs help once in a while! We are all only a message away!

Stay Strong,

“You are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.”

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Re: What's the point of living? - March 28th 2017, 07:43 AM

Hi, Mary!

While I'm sorry to hear how much you are struggling, I'm glad you're reaching out to us and opening up about what you're going through rather than deal with it alone. I know you mentioned not wanting to ask for help anymore since it seems pointless, which makes me extra glad you are still reaching out here. Even if it does seem pointless, sometimes it can surprise you when you do reach out. You never know how someone may respond, and sometimes it can be a very supportive, helpful response. I do encourage you to reach out to those in your personal life, and to seek professional help as well. Support can go a long ways. It can be very difficult to open up but it can help in a way even if that person does not know how to respond, because you're still able to get things off your chest and have someone listen rather than have them go back and forth in your mind.

You mentioned that you are frightened by the idea of losing anyone else, and I'm wondering if you wish to talk about those you have lost? It can be healing to talk about these things and I want to let you know you're welcome to do so. Speaking of, you mention being reminded of your past self and not wanting to go back into the past. Being reminded of the past can be painful, but it can be important and healing if you've never given yourself the opportunity to process feelings from those past experiences. When we avoid painful feelings from painful experiences, it has a way of sticking with us more intensely than it would if we look it in the eye, as scary and hard as it can be. Perhaps it would be helpful to write about it in a journal to ease out of your comfort zone? And then you are welcome to open up to us here at TeenHelp if you're comfortable. My inbox is always open to you.

Something that can help is to ground yourself a bit by setting goals and thinking about what you want in your future. Figuring out your passions and aspirations can create solid groundwork for paving a path to a better, happier future for yourself. It can be really difficult when nothing seems to make sense. Once you had a compass, and now it isn't giving any directions and you aren't sure what to do or where to go. And being happy feels so far away; I know it can be incredibly difficult to cope in such feelings. When we are depressed it can feel like each day drags on an eternity, and bring about feelings that life is meaningless; but that's far from the truth even if it feels like it is the truth. Right now life seems meaningless but it isn't. Our struggles have a way of blinding us to the future, and just how significantly things can improve. There will be better, happier times ahead, okay? Many experiences, events and periods of your life worth holding onto. Feelings of loneliness and brokenness don't last forever, even if it feels like it is forever. Nonetheless, it is hard and you aren't alone through it. Remind yourself of your positive qualities and achievements as I imagine you have many. You aren't worthless by any means, and are worth holding on for.

Just continue holding on and taking it one day at a time. There is always a rainbow after a storm and we're here with umbrellas to help you, but we wish for you to explore yourself, and your life to figure out where you want to plant gardens for a more beautiful tomorrow. Stay strong and be kind to yourself; you deserve kindness, Mary.
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