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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Natalie27 Offline
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Unhappy Suicide Ideation - March 22nd 2017, 09:28 AM

Hi all.
Just recently I've been taking an anti-depressant medication. I'm not sure if having suicide ideation is linked with this directly or not. I would never act on suicide. Just the idea of what life would be like without me etc is coming to mind.
I've been seeing a youth worker at my school even with seeing a counsellor outside of school and soon to be psychiatrist. I just feel I connect more with this youth worker due to seeing him 5 days a week at school. He's always catching up with me every 2-3 days or I'll see him around and he'll ask generally how my life is going.
The thing is, tomorrow is the day after my exams that I've organised to tell him this about the suicide ideation. It'll probably come across as a big shock as on the outside I do believe I am someone who comes across quite positive. I'm not like some people that let it known that - that is how they are feeling.
The thing is I've opened up deeply about self harming to this guy once before (nothing against him, he's genuinely a nice guy) but I didn't like it. Probably the fact that I decided to open up on my birthday last year but that's beside the point.
I need your reassurance and help on how I should tackle this!
I have 4 lessons a day at school and he couldn't catch up with me before today ended and tomorrow I have 2 exams first up! I don't know if I can hold out until the middle of the day to even see him!
I hope this all somewhat makes sense and it isn't a ramble for you. Please help/reassure. x
   
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Re: Suicide Ideation - March 22nd 2017, 02:28 PM

Nat,

First, it's so great that you're seeking help for the things that you're struggling with! That's such a hard step to take and I'm proud of you for taking it.

It is definitely possible that suicidal thoughts and ideas are linked to your anti-depressant medication, if that's something that you're concerned about you should go back to your doctor and the dose can be modified. The medication is supposed to help, not hurt!

I think that opening up to the youth worker about your suicidal ideas is a really brave thing to do; it's hard to be open about these kind of struggles, but they're too big to deal with alone. You mentioned that you've talked to him about self harming, was that helpful for you? I know you mentioned that you didn't like to talk about it, but again, that's something that should be talked about. You deserve to feel better and live a happy, healthy life!

Good luck on your exams and let us know if you need any more reassurance on this!

Erin


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Re: Suicide Ideation - March 22nd 2017, 08:15 PM

Thankyou for your support. Yes, I did find talking to him about the self harm helpful. I'm a big over thinker and so he always leaves me questioning my choices. I suppose it's good in a sense.
Thanks again
   
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Re: Suicide Ideation - March 22nd 2017, 08:50 PM

Hey Nat,

First of all I am so glad that you have came here for help. That is a great first step.

You said you started an anti-depressant. Now I am not a doctor so I can't tell you for sure, but I do know a lot of the anti-depressants have a side effect of increased suicidal thoughts. If you weren't having any thoughts or not that many and it has increased since you have been on the medication I would suggest talking to your doctor to see what she thinks.

I know how great it is to have someone at school that you trust enough to open up too. I had that at every school i have gone too. I think it is wonderful that you want to tell your youth worker about the suicidal idealization. It can be really scary telling someone that. So I applaud you for doing it. There are a couple ways you could go about telling them. You could write it down in a letter and give it to him before your classes that way you told him and you can focus on your exams and then talk to him about it after. You could always focus on your exams and then tell him.

I hoped this helped even just a little bit.
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Re: Suicide Ideation - March 25th 2017, 08:44 AM

It goes with the territory.

Once you find the right medication you'll feel a lot better and these ideas won't enter your mind anymore. (At least that's been my personal experience.)

In the meantime, have hope that there is a way out to wellness if you can hang in there.

It's nice to have someone you can talk to who can help you through these rough times. Thoughts are OK, as long as you have alternatives to action, like having someone you can talk to.

You can tell if a medication is helping or making it worse. Just keep your doctor informed. (They aren't mind readers.)

And keep writing here too. We're all here for you.

Best wishes.
   
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Re: Suicide Ideation - March 26th 2017, 03:23 AM

Hey,
Its amazing you're meeting someone! That is really a big step and you should be proud for taking it.

Secondly, it is possible the medication is doing this. Talk to your doctor so he/she can adjust the dosage. My therapist also told me that in your mid to late teens, suicidal ideas can enter your head, but unless they become active thoughts (you make a plan, or something along those lines) its mostly just your hormones being mean. I would still tell your therapist so that he knows and can make sure you stay safe.

Hope you feel better heaps quick mate!


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And remember, you matter. You're awesome. You're beautiful. Stay strong, the world will get better.

May The Force be With You.
   
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Re: Suicide Ideation - March 26th 2017, 04:56 AM

I've since told my counsellor at school and he was going to take it up with someone higher as I said that I did have a plan and it's unusual for me to be like this even with medication I reckon.
He spoke with a colleague (the usual superior wasn't there last week) about what to do as the last time I spoke up about self harming he took it up further and the person higher than him phoned my mum to speak to her about it all.
This other colleague of his said not to phone home which I thought was pretty unusual as it was clearly about someone's wellbeing and safety.
Instead of calling my mum he made me text her infront of him saying "I want to talk to you tonight about my thoughts and feeling about being on the new medication"...well I blew that opportunity didn't I.
I see this counsellor tomorrow and because I blew the chance I don't know how this will all go down...
   
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