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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Thinking Offline
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Name: Ivan
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Am I crazy? - April 1st 2017, 04:30 PM

I am very sorry for being so stupid recently. Why do I choose to make so many posts instead of one? I must have choose to be stupid

Can someone tell me what symptomes should I have to know whether I am bipolar? Or any symtomes to know that I am crazy?

I cannot take in what I felt anymore, I think I am crazy. But I cannot self harm or have eating disorder because I have no choice. My piano strings might get janggled if I continue on. I dont know what I can do. My papers and some books had been tore up a few times already... If I throw things and break them my parents will know and they will know my mental conditions.

I am crazy. I must be crazy, or what else I can be? I choose to feel this way and I must be crazy. Why do I not choose to be happy?

Do my best at everything I can to live a happy, perfect life.

Happy life won't come by being happy everyday. Struggle and always work hard.

Forgive other's imperfection, they will work hard about it once I point it out to them, just like what I should be doing.

On the other hand, never tolerate with my own mediocrity. Never slack and always strive improvement.

Never settle. Never give up.
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Re: Am I crazy? - April 1st 2017, 04:56 PM

Hi Ivan,

I have been diagnosed with Bipolar 1 Rapid Cycling. I just want to remind you that we are not medical professionals, so we can give you some symptoms, but we can't diagnose you. You would need to go to a doctor or psychiatrist.

There's 3 different stages for bipolar. You have Depression, Mania, and Mixed. Some people can be in the normal range, but I have yet to be there.

Depression phase

Now, most of the Bipolar Depression phase is just like depression, only sometimes, it can be worse. Irritability, fatigue, no energy, sleep issues, weight issues, feeling of worthlessness, and thoughts of suicide.

Mania Phase

The best way I can describe having a Manic phase is it almost makes you feel like you're high. The biggest one that people notice with me is I talk a lot and I talk fast. I can even notice myself doing this at some points. Jumping thoughts, issues concentrating, having a ton of energy on minimal sleep, and acting recklessly, which can usually be alcohol, drugs, speeding, spending too much, or sleeping around.

Mixed Episode

A mixed episode is when you're having both Mania and Depression at the same time. My psychiatrist asked me if I found this exhausting, and to be honest, I really do. You usually have depression, racing thoughts, irritability, insomnia, and anxiety.

Most people with bipolar disorder go through a full cycle at least 2 times in a period of 12 months, they usually happen in the spring and winter. However, most people who have more than 4 in a 12 month period they are usually diagnosed with rapid cycling. I was diagnosed with rapid cycling because I get one a month at least.

The problem with bipolar disorder is that it's very hard to maintain by yourself, and without any type of meds, trust me, I tried.

If you are diagnosed, they will put you on a couple different types of medications. Most times they will put you on a mood stabilizer, as well as an anti-psychotic.

I think that's all the info I have right now, If I think of anything else I will let you know.

Remember, you're not crazy. We all go through this type of patch once in a while.

Stay strong

“You are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.”

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Re: Am I crazy? - April 3rd 2017, 07:54 AM

Usually the benefit of a diagnosis is to help guide the doctor and you towards a treatment (and to bill insurance. Sometimes doctors write down a diagnosis for insurance reasons even when they're not completely sure what it is, because without a diagnosis they don't get paid, and they can always amend the diagnosis later.)

So you could diagnose yourself, but that might not be much help unless you go see a doctor.

You do have a big advantage in that you do detect that something is wrong, which puts you way ahead of those patients who haven't yet figured out that the problem is in them, not in the world around them (because the part of the brain that would normally detect that something is wrong, is the part of the brain that is broken).

You mention self-harm which points to a serious depression.

Bipolar used to be called "Manic-Depressive disorder" because the patient's mood would swing from serious depression to serious "the opposite of depression" -- mania, where the patient is way too happy. They either don't notice that they are way too happy, and starting to do foolish things, or they notice and endure this feeling of being so antsy, like they just gotta do something, but it's an uncomfortable feeling of having too much energy.

(Sometimes a new patient will see the psychiatrist and be seriously depressed, so the doctor puts them on antidepressant, then the patient swings into mania, and the antidepressant works so well it augments the mania. That's when the doctor realizes this patient is actually bipolar, and they need to add a mood stabilizing medication. They may even discontinue the antidepressant, or switch to something else that works better with bipolar.)

The third option is schizophrenia. I'm a little unclear on what exactly the criteria is for schizophrenia, even though I've known about a dozen people who have it. Half of them don't realize anything is wrong, and they explain their symptoms on grand government conspiracies and other nonsense. They may hear voices, though apparently that alone isn't uncommon. They may seem to loose touch with reality, which is something only someone else can tell. They may not be able to tell themselves, and insist on believin their hallucinations. They may claim they know someone famous (name dropping), or they are related to someone famous. They may start to have a conversation with themself, as if narrating a conversation between two people. They may realize something is definitely wrong, or they may not.

But back to what I recall from other posts, I think definitely a strong case of clinical depression, which is a condition of the body which affects the brain, making it very hard to think, or take action. Some people report an emotional feeling of "flat", as if their emotions just aren't going anywhere; others report a strong feelilng of "everything's horrible!", with either an explanation of it's caused by everything that's wrong with their life right now, or, if nothing is wrong with their life right now, they may just report a feeling of "impending doom," for no particular reason.

A doctor, especially a psychiatrist doctor, will know what questions to ask. Does it run in your family? How long has this been going on? Have you ever self-harmed? Have you ever had thoughts of suicide?

Since there's a shortage of psychiatrist doctors, regular doctors are taking up the slack and prescribing antidepressant medications to their depressed patients, and referring the severe cases to a psychiatrist, while still prescribing an antidepressant to at least get them started until they see the psychiatrist doctor.

Also late teens and early 20's is a notorious age for mental illness to materialize. (not sure why, just statistically it happens a lot at this age).

The "crazy" part though, well "crazy" really isn't a diagnosis, it's just a word people use when they are unfamiliar with mental illnesses. They can tell something is wrong, but they don't know enough to be able to identify what the problem is.

I've meet a lot of mentally ill people in my time, since I have it myself, and I've never met anyone who was truly "crazy", whatever that may be. They may be totally out of it, but they are still there. Often the ones who look the most out of it and out of touch with reality still spring back to the present when I talk with them and I discover they're all there, they only drift off when left alone.

So I wouldn't say you were "crazy", though something is certainly wrong and I hope you can get the proper medical help for this. I have confidence there is a medication out there that will work wonders when you find it. You're capable of writing a coherent forum post so that's a good sign. Forums are for posting so go ahead and post! It's good therapy! Thank you for posting! Sorry you're feeling bad. I've been there myself so many times and I know it's horrible and seems to last forever, with each minute lasting an eternity!
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