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Bitemytoast Offline
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Idk anymore - April 17th 2017, 04:02 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Vent/rant kind of thing, might not make sense cause I'm drink but I hope it does

You see, I'm this happy guy, always in a good mood and never feeling bad or down... But really, I'm not and it's hard keeping up with it cause I'm losing the will to. The last time I was really happy, like actually felt happuness in its full capacity was a little over 3 years ago when I was in a strange but loving relationship(yeah it was quite complicated). Since then it's basically just been a fcking mask cause I don't really talk about how I feel or show any other emotion's other than happiness cause it's 2017 after all and who really gives a fck right? Lol people are just pretty much dickheads that hang with people that benefit them somehow, friendships seem to be bullshit considering I see 2 people that are supposedly good friends talk shit about each others backs all the time, people seem to introduce themselves with legit fake masks thar make them appear as this funny person but in reality they're something completely opposite of that, dating is basically all about looks and 3 months in a 'happy loving relationships' when they realise they're not dating who they though they were (like no fcking shit sherlock u didn't even really know them lol) they break up and post shit about eachother ob social media which seems to be some kind of a stupid immature trend? Wtf people like what happend to just really getting yo know people? Seems like people like eachother only for either looks or if they have some materialistic benefit of off them?

It feels to me like a healthy relationship would be a major fix for me but how do I even find some body I like in this corrupt place? And then even if I do, who would mind someone that's as damaged as me at this point? Ugh

Bottom line is I clearly dislike people around now days. Might be where I live but I hardly come across people that aren't into drugs and alcohol and partying haRd 24/7... Ive started to lose interest in things I like doing, the very few things there are which sort of goes to my good luck that basically got me to stop me from doing the one thing that held me up and now I'm kinda lost. I've really been thinking about suicide for a couple of years now to be honest and I normally managed to find something to keep me distracted and going but the more I learn about how this world works, the less I want to stick around and right now I'm basically out of reasons? Family can come to mind there but we aren't that close and I know they'll manage really, so what?

It really confuses me beacuse there's this big big, probably like 95% of me that wants to end this crap but there's this 5% that doesn't want me to end and is making me do stuff like post here? I don't know anymore
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paxvan Offline
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Re: Idk anymore - April 17th 2017, 05:14 PM

I do not understand why has humanity become full of bullshit. Everybody is wearing a mask, and fakes friendships, relationships.
Fortunately, even in this wretched world, there will be people who are deep down in their heart good people, and they won't talk shit about their friends.
Though, that is incredibly hard to find.
Trust me, not impossible to.
Good luck friend, you will find a friend or someone to make you feel like you are on top of the world.
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anymore, idk

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