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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Thinking Offline
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Unhappy What can I do... anymore... - April 27th 2017, 07:19 AM

I tried to think about it on my own... but its too hard...

I really dont know why I had to live with such miserable feelings all the time. I don't know.

I have no friends, I have no more interests that i used to have, I have no time for myself because of exams...

And the future... I try very hard to imagine it will be better, but at best I can imagine is that I survived, but completely isolated and never talked to people anymore. I dont know.

I am not stupid... I know I can do things others can't... I am not even a bad or evil person... I am not even a lazy person... but why do I have to end up completely unappreciated and isolated... just because I am stupid in social interactions and languages??? Just because I am not a genius??? How is this fair to me?!

I cannot imagine what occupation I can have other than a researcher due to anxiety, because I can't work with other people or work against time schedules due to my forgetfulness. I know I am absolutely unprepared to work on such situations and I am not improving towards that no matter how I tried to improve. And the truth is my only interest that I used to have is to do research, but not anymore since I am not good enough.

So I will have to work on mainstream researches, which means that even you are very good, you are still not good enough, since you are not the top leading ones among everyone. So even people like me are considered not good enough and whatever I try to do, will completely being ignored and unappreciated... even by those minorities in the same field...

And those outside that tiny group of people... they will only think I am crazy and will not even try to talk to me. So I still face isolation with the majority of those people, socially. No way they will understand what I am working on so I already don't expect that from outsiders.

I dont know... I know all these are years to come, but these are the best I can imagine how my future would be... I am improving though, since at least there is a future for me...

Just that its a future which I will never get out of depression.

Do my best at everything I can to live a happy, perfect life.

Happy life won't come by being happy everyday. Struggle and always work hard.

Forgive other's imperfection, they will work hard about it once I point it out to them, just like what I should be doing.

On the other hand, never tolerate with my own mediocrity. Never slack and always strive improvement.

Never settle. Never give up.
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What can I do... anymore... - April 27th 2017, 07:21 AM

You need to know that you can live your own life, but also know that you can learn new languages, and I think that you aren't socially stupid, or whatever they call that word. You're a sweetie, and thats more than other guys can say.

I hope that you can understand that you have the power to change your own life.

It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.

rant to me if there's anything!



As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
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Re: What can I do... anymore... - April 27th 2017, 09:32 AM

Are there any support groups you can join? Groups for anxiety? Depression? Maybe DBSA? [Edited] NAMI [Edited]? Maybe local therapist knows of some groups? Church groups? There's got to be some groups somewhere? Hospital psych ward know of any groups? meetup.com?

Are you getting treated medication for the depression? That can help a lot!

I've spent the last 3 years getting trained to be better at social interactions. That can be achieved.

But it sounds like right now you're still in the throes of deep depression where we need to find some medication that will work for you.

Last edited by .Brittany.; April 30th 2017 at 07:27 AM. Reason: Please don't post links
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Re: What can I do... anymore... - April 27th 2017, 06:29 PM

Hi Ivan,

First of all, I want to tell you I'm sorry to hear that you're still going through such a tough time. I also want to point out that you do, in fact, have friends. Everyone who has posted so far, are your friends, including me.

When it comes to a future career, I was in the same spot as you. I was considering going onto Disability pay for a while there with my PTSD, Bipolar, and Anxiety. The best decision I made was going onto medication. I know I've told you this before, but I highly suggest going on something for your anxiety. There's no way you can keep going through life with anxiety. It's a horrible mental illness and is so tough to have it.

I know you can get through this. Keep your head up.

Stay Strong,

“You are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.”

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Re: What can I do... anymore... - April 29th 2017, 03:58 AM

I am so sorry you are going through such a hard time right now. Just know that everything will get better, even if it feels like it will always be like this. My all time favorite quote is "Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end." Right now, I know it feels like you will always feel like this and nothing will ever get better, but know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Every single day that goes by is just another day closer to the end of the pain.

Just know there are people on this website that are here for you. You might not feel like it, but you are loved. You are appreciated. You are amazing. You are honestly the reason I am where I am right now. You are such an amazing person, and I really hope you know that.

I hope ypu find the end of the tunnel soon. Fell free to IM me anytime
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