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Fletty17 Offline
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i hate it - May 4th 2017, 06:19 PM

ever since i was young ive not had the easiest life with my mum going in and out of hospital alot due to many medical reasons but she was also an impatient at a ward for people with eating disorders for 6 months due to bulimia this was when i was about 6. being the youngest sibling and the only boy i was often ignored by my parents as they would of always been pre occupied with my two sisters then when i was about 10 oldest sister started having with her eating which lead to her being diagnosed with anorexia, at first she was still allowed to stay at home but after a while she started self harming which was becoming more and more obvious so after about a year she ended up having to go to a similar ward to the one my mum was at and well everything just went to shit as it was clear the anorexia wasnt the most concerning problem anymore as the self harming had got alot worse and eventually she tried to kill herself. i was about 13 by this point and since then she spent another 4 years being moved from hospital to hospital with the self harm getting worse and the occasional attempt on her own life until febuary this year when it became more than an attempt
all this time i felt invisible as my family were always to distracted to notice me and being at an all boys school i felt like i had no one to talk to about how i felt so i would just ignore how i felt and carry on but since i have left high school and gone to college all of those feeling have caught up with me and i look back now to when i was 10 years old when i was smart and could make friends with anyone and everyone but now i can barely talk to people ive known for years
i feel alone in a room full of people
i cant talk to new people
i cant enjoy a single fucking day
im no good at anything
but things started to get a little bit better when i started texting my mates friend and although ive never meet her shes someone i can actually open up to
but a few days ago i found out her grandad has had cancer for 6 months and she didnt tell me because she knows i overthink everything and didnt want me to have to worry about saying the right thing and she didnt want to be a burden but know i feel like ive been the burden this whole time and i cant talk to her anymore cause i just feel like a prick as shes got her own stuff to deal with
and i feel so fucking useless and my friends cant even tell im sad because thats how ive been for ages now
i just wanna start again
   
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Wastedtime1123 Offline
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Smile Re: i hate it - May 5th 2017, 03:09 AM

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I couldn't open up to my family or anyone I knew about my depression for YEARS but when I did they understood and I was able to get the help I needed. As you said your mom and sisters have been through the same thing. While I know it's EXTREMELY hard to talk to family about what you're going through, you just have to trust me. Try opening up your mom when you're ready. No one is going to judge you if you seek help. Your mom cares and so do your sisters. If you need to talk, I'm always here just PM me I hope things get better
   
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