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Chaotic_ Offline
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Some Days Suck. - May 18th 2017, 11:08 PM

So, for the past week and a half at night I've been feel really down. Like there's a ton of bricks on my chest. I didn't really think much into it because I would just sleep it off. I texted the crisis number one night because I couldn't sleep and my feelings were getting a bit out of control. It calmed me down and I was able to sleep. During the day I keep myself pretty busy, I run my own business so I don't always have a lot of down time. The quiet is what gets me I think. Like today my boyfriend (who I live with) had to work an odd shift, which leaves me home alone for the next few hours. I get my energy from people, when I'm alone the thoughts start coming back.

I have no idea how to tell my counselor this. I've made progress with my anxiety. I've been good. I've been doing what he tells me and it was working, for my anxiety. But now I feel like I'm stuck in this "gloomy," cycle that I can't break out of. Some of the possible triggers are:

*Self Image Issue - This is huge for me. My boyfriend gets annoyed by how much I feel ugly. But I don't want to tell my counselor because I know he will make me name what about myself I don't like and that makes me feel extremely vulnerable. (which is stupid).

* I don't have a lot of friends in the area. The one that was closet to me, we aren't on speaking terms, haven't been for over a month now. Mostly because he was constantly degrading me anytime we disagreed, which was a lot. I cut my losses. But it's hard because I live in a small city and trying to make friends as an adult is hard. I run my own business so I don't have connections that way, and there's really nothing to get involved with around here. I get lonely, I'm the type of person who loves hanging out with people, but I don't have that anymore.

I know my counselor will tell me the key to overcoming this is being mindful and kind to myself. And learning to respond to how I'm feeling versus living in the situation, and I know that it's true. But right now it's really hard to get out of my head. I hate feeling like this. I accidently cut myself while packaging earlier and it felt good for a moment, I don't know why my mind goes back to self-harming sometimes. Still haven't brought that up with my counselor, after he accidently dodged it aka we ran out of time, and he forgot to bring it up the following appointment and since then I've lost my courage. Plus I feel like it's pointless I've been clean for over 3 years I doubt I'm going to do it again.... I don't know...sorry for rambling.
   
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.Brittany. Offline
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Re: Some Days Suck. - May 19th 2017, 06:07 PM

Hi Cass,

I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, especially at night. I find feeling that way at night is so much harder because sometimes your friends aren't always around to talk to. I'm really glad you reached out to the crisis line.

Now, I'm not a doctor, but you mentioned at night that you feel like you have a pile of bricks on your chest. This sounds a bit like me, and I realized I get a lot of anxiety at night. Maybe you can try drinking herbal tea before bed to see if that would help at all? That's what I've started doing and it makes me feel a lot better!

I definitely agree with the self image issues. I have those as well, and they can get really bad at times. What I find is best is to leave yourself notes all over the house. I always feel better when I wear a bit of make up, and nice clothes. So maybe this might help you a bit?

I definitely recommend telling your counsellor everything that's going on. The reason I say this, is that if you're not 100% honest, then they can't really offer you the support that you need to feel better.

Keep your chin up and stay strong!
Brittany



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