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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Tried to live life without a best friend, but its only led me down a dark road. - May 21st 2017, 05:13 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I don't know what to do any more. First my horrible childhood, and now this.

I'm to try my best with whatever I have left. Its going to be a very tough fight, though.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.

Last edited by Green Yoshi; May 21st 2017 at 06:30 AM.
   
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Tried to live life without a best friend, but its only led me down a dark road. - May 21st 2017, 11:26 AM

You've posted several threads dealing with the same topic, many in the past month. People have given you advice and you've responded to them, but then you haven't seemed to take any of it on board. So here's my question: what are you hoping to get out of these threads?

If you're looking for support and advice, you've already got plenty of that. I'd encourage you to go through your previous threads and read the replies you received. There's some very good advice and some very kind words from people who care about you, and if you really took the time to read it all you might find something helpful or encouraging. But if you keep posting threads on the same topic without adding any new information, there's not much else we can do. If you want advice and helpful suggestions, you need to work with us. It's all well and good to say vague things like that you've tried everything or that you feel sad, but if you don't elaborate then we can't give you any new advice. What specifically have you tried? Maybe we can suggest something new. Is there anything you'd like to try but can't figure out how to start? Maybe we can help. But if you just keep thanking people for their advice without explaining more about where you're coming from or what you're looking for with these threads, then you're automatically limiting the advice you can receive.

Alternatively, maybe you're just venting, and that's totally fine - but maybe this forum isn't the best place to do it. If you're just after sympathy rather than advice, you might try posting in Why Me? or in your blog. Those are better places for just ranting or venting without the expectation of advice. Any comments you get there will probably focus more on trying to make you feel a bit better than working more in-depth with you to solve your problems. Or, if you want some one-on-one interaction, you're always welcome to call Live Help or go to a Support & Advice room in Chat. Maybe you'll feel better if you just vent for a while all at once rather than posting bits and pieces in threads.

If you're not after either of those, then the only real option left is that you're looking for someone to tell you that it's okay for you to give up. And let me tell you: no matter how many threads you post or how many different ways you state your case, that's not going to happen. If you want help, that's what we're all here for. But if you want someone to give you permission to stop fighting, you're definitely in the wrong place.


if you know the hunter's coming
then you hide or keep on running
'cause she's slain the gods before.
   
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Re: Tried to live life without a best friend, but its only led me down a dark road. - May 21st 2017, 07:49 PM

Again I think Chess has pretty much covered it, but I wanted to second the last part. Nobody here will ever tell you it's ok to give up. Quite frankly, it's never ok to give up no matter what you're going through. Let me tell you, we aren't the same people, but I've lost people I thought were key elements of my life too. It's really tough and it's ok to spend a while feeling sorry for yourself and even missing them, but it's never ok to let them steal your life from you. It's one thing for them to leave, and it's another for them to take all you have with them. Forget the inspirational 'you can do it' things for a moment, because you're struggling, and that's ok. It's time to make a choice. And the only person who can make that choice is you.

The choice is simple. Do you want to take the steps to feel better?

The process in itself is the difficult bit. It IS hard. It IS stressful. It DOES and WILL hurt you. But, you're hurting now, and as much as you keep talking about giving up, you haven't. Why stop fighting when so far, you're doing an alright job? The very simple truth is if you want to fight you can and will find a way to do that. But this this comes back to what Chess has said. What did you post this thread for? Are you looking for a reason to fight? We can't be that reason. We're people on the internet and we don't know you and you dont know us. You can only be your reason. Are you looking for support? You have it. Send me a message any time. Post blogs. Post threads. That's what this site is for.

Nobody will ever tell you not to post, ok? I know it sucks right now, and we'll reply every time and tell you you can do it and you should keep fighting. We can give endless advice but it is honestly up to you to take it. You're right, it is going to be a tough fight. But choose to fight it. Choose to take the advice you're given because it's incredible. Choose to carry on and you'll get through it.


❤ Nana ❤
1953-2016

As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

   
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Re: Tried to live life without a best friend, but its only led me down a dark road. - May 21st 2017, 08:05 PM

Life's not easy. It ain't fair, and it never will be.


The risk I took was calculated, but boy, am I bad at math.
   
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Re: Tried to live life without a best friend, but its only led me down a dark road. - May 23rd 2017, 03:24 AM

Thanks for being so nice to me. I appreciate it. I'll try my best.. but its extremely, extremely tough.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: Tried to live life without a best friend, but its only led me down a dark road. - May 23rd 2017, 10:03 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Green Yoshi View Post
Thanks for being so nice to me. I appreciate it. I'll try my best.. but its extremely, extremely tough.
Again, you're not letting us help you. I asked you what you're hoping to get out of these kind of threads, and by ignoring that you've reduced how much we can actually help. It's not enough to just keep saying things like ''thank you'' and ''it's hard'', because that's not going to get you anywhere. If you want help, ask for it. Let us know what you need so that we can support you in a way that works for you. If you don't answer questions and elaborate on your situation then this is going to be an endless back-and-forth where nothing ever gets resolved. So I'll ask again: what are you hoping to get out of posting these threads? What kind of support or advice do you need? What can you do to work with us so we can actually help you?


if you know the hunter's coming
then you hide or keep on running
'cause she's slain the gods before.
   
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Re: Tried to live life without a best friend, but its only led me down a dark road. - May 23rd 2017, 10:15 AM

Yosh, I understand what you are going through I lost my best freind about a month ago. It feels terrible. I cope with it. it's hard. I drank Lean, and I took acid. and aderol. and so many other drugs I can't name. don't be like me. it's not worth it. you will eventually get over it. I lost my grandpa a while back, and Eventually, I got over it. take time to slow down and think. we're here for u. feel free to PM me if u need anything.
hang on

-keagan
   
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Re: Tried to live life without a best friend, but its only led me down a dark road. - May 23rd 2017, 10:24 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Everglow. View Post
Again I think Chess has pretty much covered it, but I wanted to second the last part. Nobody here will ever tell you it's ok to give up. Quite frankly, it's never ok to give up no matter what you're going through. Let me tell you, we aren't the same people, but I've lost people I thought were key elements of my life too. It's really tough and it's ok to spend a while feeling sorry for yourself and even missing them, but it's never ok to let them steal your life from you. It's one thing for them to leave, and it's another for them to take all you have with them. Forget the inspirational 'you can do it' things for a moment, because you're struggling, and that's ok. It's time to make a choice. And the only person who can make that choice is you.

The choice is simple. Do you want to take the steps to feel better?

The process in itself is the difficult bit. It IS hard. It IS stressful. It DOES and WILL hurt you. But, you're hurting now, and as much as you keep talking about giving up, you haven't. Why stop fighting when so far, you're doing an alright job? The very simple truth is if you want to fight you can and will find a way to do that. But this this comes back to what Chess has said. What did you post this thread for? Are you looking for a reason to fight? We can't be that reason. We're people on the internet and we don't know you and you dont know us. You can only be your reason. Are you looking for support? You have it. Send me a message any time. Post blogs. Post threads. That's what this site is for.

Nobody will ever tell you not to post, ok? I know it sucks right now, and we'll reply every time and tell you you can do it and you should keep fighting. We can give endless advice but it is honestly up to you to take it. You're right, it is going to be a tough fight. But choose to fight it. Choose to take the advice you're given because it's incredible. Choose to carry on and you'll get through it.
I agree. If I can find a way to get over 2 family members deaths in a year, you can get over loosing your best freind. We can do this together. we are going through the same thing right now. let me help you.
   
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Re: Tried to live life without a best friend, but its only led me down a dark road. - May 23rd 2017, 06:46 PM

Maybe its advice in meeting some new people, as well as how to heal. Its been tough Chess

Thanks keegan. Its been very hard indeed


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Tried to live life without a best friend, but its only led me down a dark road. - May 23rd 2017, 09:17 PM

If you're looking for advice in new people that's a really good step forward. Do you have any other friends who perhaps aren't as close as this one was? You could arrange a group outing to get dinner or see a film and that may help you to feel less alone and closer to some other people too. Otherwise, ask if some friends want to invite some of their friends too! I met some of my closest friends through other people and it's amazing how much of an ice breaker having a mutual friend can be, especially if you're a little bit less trusting like I am.

Do you have any particular interests too? If there's something you enjoy doing, try taking a class or joining a group who may share these interests and start up a conversation with some of your peers there. Having a job, part time or otherwise can also be really useful. You could arrange a work outing to grab a drink or something to eat, or if there's something interesting in town, like a circus or fair, you could suggest going there with some of them and spending some time outside of work with them. If you don't have a job, you could try applying to some local to you or joining a volunteering scheme. Voluntary organisations sometimes have meetups with the soul purpose of allowing volunteers to get together with other people and share experiences with one another, and it can be super rewarding to just offer up some time too. For example, I spend an hour or so a week visiting an elderly man who's a little bit lonely, so if you did something like that, it would be two birds with one stone as you'd both have something to look forward to every week!

I think getting back out there is such a key step for you to take so I hope you take some of these suggestions and find a way to make yourself feel better. It's a good thing to move on from something that is causing you pain, no matter how hard it may be, so I really encourage you to do what you can to take these steps. Keep fighting as I know you are trying to do already, but actions are so important too. Mentally, you can fight and fight, but nothing will change unless you make it, so meet people, be open to new experiences and you will feel a difference in time.


❤ Nana ❤
1953-2016

As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

   
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Re: Tried to live life without a best friend, but its only led me down a dark road. - May 24th 2017, 02:27 AM

Quote:
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Maybe its advice in meeting some new people, as well as how to heal. Its been tough Chess
I already gave advice on this in one of your earlier post several weeks ago. I suggest you go back and look at that post. Because the answer I gave was elaborate and I thought I was being helpful. Of course, others have time and time again given incredibly useful advice which you decided.to ignore. You come here saying life is pointless without the girl that was once your best friend. What do you want from us? We give you advice and you ignore it, there is only so much we can say and do on the forums.
   
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Re: Tried to live life without a best friend, but its only led me down a dark road. - May 24th 2017, 05:05 AM

I am sorry I was consumed by despair.. I guess I somewhat do, but the ones I know who I have hung out with.. probably might have done so to make use of me.

But at this point I don't mind being made use of. I just want someone to kinda.. enjoy life together with.

Basically, my life has collapsed without her in it.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: Tried to live life without a best friend, but its only led me down a dark road. - May 24th 2017, 11:46 AM

While I cannot take her place, I can offer support the best I can.

You mentioned a horrible childhood. I do think that's the place to start, personally speaking. The love or lack of love from family can really impact us in ways we don't realize. From what I'm hearing about the things you said, your parents were controlling and overprotective yet emotionally absent. I'm guessing the best friend you had had given you a kind of affection that your parents didn't give you and that felt like she was compensating?

The thing is, emotional support is no mystery. I used to not understand the difference between the way I was raised and the way happier secure kids were raised. I thought it had to do with something about me as a person. It turns out it had a lot to do with the way my parents were raised, their parenting style, and the strict religious environment of my school that happened to be very controlling and it was easy to breed abusive situations because the children automatically were shut up and were punished for speaking up. Even if someIbe was the goodies goody two shoes, if was a toxic place and long term it can be so demoralizing.

I think it is safe to say that many of us have been rejected in some way, whether it was growing up or as a teen or adult. Sometimes it is for unfair reasons like having a mental health problem and being stigmatized for it. Other times it is being rejected from a dream job or a university. Either way it is painful as hell and withoit family support or rather when family is part of the people who did the rejecting, it us even more painful.

But I still think feeling connected, loved and cared for is not a secret. Just becsuse you haven't felt it as a child doesn't mean you're unlovable. Just because the only person who was supportive has left you, doesn't mean she will be the only one who will ever care fof you and definitely doesn't mean anyone who cares for you will end up leaving. I say this as someone who has a lot of abandonment issues and stress relating to abandonment, social rejection etc.

I think Teenhelp's existence speaks volumes to what I'm saying. "There will always be help at Hogwarts to those who ask for it". I've come to feel like Teenhelp is like a Hogwarts (and not just because of the numerous harry potter fans here haha)
I guess what I'm trying to say is that, reading the harry potter series or engaging in any other book, movie, comic etc is one way to find the strength within you. Because we can sit here and tell you you're so worth it etc and that may help but sometimes certain things we say will be extra powerful when many sources are saying the same thing in unison.

Like I was saying before, feeling supported is no secret. It comes from people supporting you. When someone grows up in a hostile environment, everything gets turned upside down. Hostility starts to feel safer than warmth and comfort. We start to think warmth and comfort is a rare prize that you win by chance or as a reward for something. In a nurturing environment, support is consistent and plentiful. No one is competing for it, it isnt scarce, no one has to be sneaky about it to get the support. You just have to reach out, ask and a stampede (okay not that brutal) of support comes in your direction. And I understand that's hard to make sense of, that's different from what is familiar. But please consider all the support that was given. Please consider the possibility that you're loved and lovable. Please consider there is still hope!
   
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Re: Tried to live life without a best friend, but its only led me down a dark road. - May 24th 2017, 02:06 PM

I'll keep that in mind.. Maizel, that is exactly what I went through.. and I see that you're a harry potter fan

I understand that there is a lot of support, and love.. I'll try to accept all of it.

I'll fully consider what you said.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: Tried to live life without a best friend, but its only led me down a dark road. - May 24th 2017, 02:35 PM

>> Maybe its advice in meeting some new people, as well as how to heal.

I want to tell you that you are doing great!

I understand, I really do, that when you are feeling so depressed its almost impossible for you to think straight and want the best out of the advices. Its so easy to feel like you deserve no help and are destined to die. I really understand that, and that's why I never gave up on you! Because I want to tell you that its not true! You deserve help no matter how hopeless you think you are!

We will always listen, encourage you to hold on. You deserve kindness and we will never give up on you. Yes, it is up to you to utilize our advice and support, as much as I want you to take them 100% I can't force you, and I must admit that not all advice might work for you. But do you realize, we definitely aren't lying when we say your life will get better? Because it can be better!

It's hard for people like you to see that when it all seems so dark, you know? But all I can do is to always remind you that there will be light in your life again! I want you to know that you are not alone. I really really understand.

Please, do write more in detail about how you are trying to make friends. I know you are making an effort, and I know how you might not able to follow the advice previously. But make it a target, from today onwards, you are going to try out the advices given! If you think it isnt helpful, its okay, we are always here to help you no matter what. As long as you have the willpower to help yourself, then I truely believe one day we can find a method that works for you!

Do you know why it is important that you need to help yourself? Because you need to trust us! You need to keep on that hope and dont give up in trying to fix things again! We all are so glad to help you and will never give up on you. I will never question on how you take in the advices, the past doesn't matter. All I sincerely hope is that the future advices we give will able to help you in finding good friends

And Jenna is right actually, you can look back at the previous advices and I hope you can find something that helps you!

I look forward to see you posting in the threads on how to make friends. Dont doubt it, I KNOW you put in the effort, and dont let anyone say otherwise. No matter how small that effort is, it might be not enough, but its okay. As long as you are trying, thats all I care about! If you are trying, I know for sure things will get better for you, and we will help you by giving you advice on how to fix them too, and you can work on them!

Dont give up. Really dont give up because I know you can be better and you have so much in yourself. You are right, you are covered by depression and you dont see it, but I will tell you again, YOU ARE AMAZING!

Never give up okay? If you do, then we will never give up in giving you hope so that you can be strong and face life again!

You will be a survivor. And you will inspire everyone here with your efforts in getting better, okay? Don't ever think that you can't do this! YOU CAN!


Do my best at everything I can to live a happy, perfect life.

Happy life won't come by being happy everyday. Struggle and always work hard.

Forgive other's imperfection, they will work hard about it once I point it out to them, just like what I should be doing.

On the other hand, never tolerate with my own mediocrity. Never slack and always strive improvement.

Never settle. Never give up.
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Re: Tried to live life without a best friend, but its only led me down a dark road. - May 24th 2017, 02:45 PM

I'm doing my best .. but its a little tough. Thanks man.. I need all the good luck I can get .


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: Tried to live life without a best friend, but its only led me down a dark road. - May 24th 2017, 02:53 PM

Yes, thats the right thinking!! I am so proud of you!

Yes! You need all the good luck (and advices too!) you can get, and remember, do your best in your life! That's the best thing you can do: Try your best!

Now, you shall make a post on your attempts in making friends. Let us understand the situation and help you! Its perfectly fine to ask for help, as long as you dont give up! Be open to advices and try to follow them okay?

As for me, I am always here for you, because I know what a kind and precious person you are. You may be in your most horrible state right now, but I never forget your kindness. You can be happy again and spread your love to others, and just like how you can give yourself love and happiness too!

We are all here for you, as always. This never changed. But all I hope that can change is that you will improve and get out of the darkness!


Do my best at everything I can to live a happy, perfect life.

Happy life won't come by being happy everyday. Struggle and always work hard.

Forgive other's imperfection, they will work hard about it once I point it out to them, just like what I should be doing.

On the other hand, never tolerate with my own mediocrity. Never slack and always strive improvement.

Never settle. Never give up.
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Re: Tried to live life without a best friend, but its only led me down a dark road. - May 24th 2017, 03:31 PM

I'll try to do that. Thanks..


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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