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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
merula Offline
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Name: Brianne
Age: 27
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Location: Oshawa, Ontario (.merulaworld.)

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Join Date: January 6th 2009

eff it all - May 24th 2009, 02:47 AM

I don't leave my room. School, work, home, school, home, school, work, home. Sometimes I can't even force myself out of bed to go to school. It's all the same. Do this. Do that. If you don't, you don't have a chance of going anywhere in your life. I only have a month left, and I'm done, then to Uni. But I have this feeling, what if all I'm doing is going nowhere. I'm not where I want to be, I don't even know where I want to be. I dont want to do this anymore. Everyday is the same. I don't even go out anymore. I have no ambition, no motivation. Just waiting for the time I'm going to get so pissed off I'll just say fuck it all. My stomach is the only place I can cut now. Nobody sees, and it's not like I'm into wearing bathing suits anyway. Like I said, I never leave my house.


the past has eaten. the whole of my heart.
leaving me nowhere to start.
I tried. and can't you hear me say that I tried.
slam the door. and sit wondering why no one has walked through.


merula.
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Anomaly Offline
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Re: eff it all - May 24th 2009, 12:58 PM

Hey Brianne, I can relate to how you feel. I felt like I was stuck in a routine and I couldnt stand it, do you feel that way?
Could you try mixing things up I know you have to go to work and school and go home, but maybe you could try adding more stuff into your schedule ever once in awhile. Could you take off work for a couple days and just go on a vacation. Have a weekend get away maybe. That might get you to feel better.

Have you tried talkin to anybody about the way that your feeling. One of your friends that you trust, parents, realtives, school consuler?
Im sure all of them would like to help you. You just have to open up.

Pm me anytime if you wana chat.


   
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Katrina Offline
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Re: eff it all - May 27th 2009, 01:19 AM

Hey Brianne. Ahh, I always have enjoyed reading what you have to say, my friend.

I'm really sorry that you're feeling low lately. It's not fun when you feel like your life is just going and going in circles and you're not accomplishing everything. First, I'd like to touch on that - I think it might benefit you to set some sort of goals list, because I know you have something you've been wanting to accomplish. Even if it's something so simple as getting through a few hours without SH, that's a good goal in itself. So, tell me, do you have any goals you'd like to write down and make "official"?

As for the self harming, you may have already seen this list, but please check out the SH Alternatives list by clicking here. The reason why I think this list my benefit you is that it has all of the alternatives separated into different emotions you may be feeling. So, yeah, definitely check that out if you get the chance. Also, don't get discouraged if you try something and it doesn't work for you, okay? We're all different, so different things will work for all of us. Just on a side note, that sounds like kind of a cool goal: figuring out a couple of self harm alternatives that work for you.

Hey, please take care. If you ever need to talk, let me know. I hope that things shape up for you.



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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
KoKoEm Offline
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Re: eff it all - May 27th 2009, 01:40 AM

Brianne,
You have probably heard something similar to this many times, but if you are really working your hardest and to your full potential, you won't just go nowhere with your life. Your life will lead somewhere, even if you don't see it now. Keep going and make your way through Uni, and you will be fine and hopefully at some point, proud of what you have done.
For trying to get out of bed, just push yourself a bit more. Every day have something other than school and/or work that you "have to" do. Make another goal for everyday that makes you want to get out of bed so that you can do it.
For the last part, try to find someone you trust so that you can tell them that you've been going through a hard time where you really need someone you can talk to and trust and so that maybe they can help motivate you.
For the self harm, I agree with Katrina. Try looking through the list of SH Alternatives and see if there are any that will help you out.
If you need to talk, PM me or something. I'm always available to talk.
~Em


This is how it ends
We believe every lie & say we'll still be friends
How long will it last
Before we scratch all the scripts & rework the casts
*Hourglass by the Hush Sound*


PM me =]

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Craft obsessions vary often.
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