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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Aintzane411 Offline
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i dont know how to reach out - June 4th 2017, 09:46 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I always ramble here so this time I'm gonna try to keep it short

- I'm probably gonna drop out of school
- I don't have a place to live at the end of the month
- I could go with my mom to my grandmother's, but that's only 10 minutes away from the bridge that I want to jump off of
- The same bridge that my friend jumped off of at the beginning of April
- The same friend that I went to his funeral drunk because I couldn't handle it
- My friends at school all abandoned me and found housing without me (probably because they dont care) (i know thats an irrational thought but god its a strong one)
- I literally told my closest friend that I'm cutting again and he didn't seem to care
- I want to cut deeper and deeper but i know thats super dangerous so instead im just left unsatisfied by stupid tiny cuts

all in all im just really suicidal. every day i have to convince myself to drive home instead of to the fucking bridge.

im so tired
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
.Brittany. Offline
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Re: i dont know how to reach out - June 4th 2017, 10:08 PM

Hi Amelia,

I definitely understand where you're coming from. I live close to a couple bridges as well and I have caught myself at them a few times. Life might seem really rough right now, but trust me when I say things will get better. It won't rain forever.

When I was a teen into my early twenties, I didn't think I had much of a life going for me. I was so down and depressed and didn't see a point on living. I made it through, and here I am. I am much stronger now, and not much can tear me down. You need to continue to remain strong. Reaching out is the first step into recovery. You're not alone, we are all here for you, and I hope you have a support team that lives close to you.

I hope you start feeling better soon. It's very exhausting being depressed all of the time. You will make it through this. You're not alone.

Stay Strong,

“You are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.”

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Re: i dont know how to reach out - June 5th 2017, 08:36 AM

Hey Amelia,

I'm sorry that you're going through all of this, but also wanted to say that the strength you've shown yourself to have for not going to the bridge at the end of everyday is remarkable and that I hope it persists.

Like Brittany said, things won't be rough forever. Everything, good or bad, will ultimately just become a part of our past. It's only if we don't push ourselves through that they remain our present, and I believe that you have the strength to get yourself through this, slowly but surely, and day by day.

Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk,

Kyra xx
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i dont know how to reach out - June 5th 2017, 09:31 AM

Thank you for reaching out.

I understand you need a place to live.

And you are seriously depressed.

And close to suicidal.

So a residential treatment center might be ideal. However, they can be very costly, and unless you have a rich family or wealthy relative, or tremendously good medical insurance, this may not be affordable.

Next option is intensive outpatient treatment. Less pricey. Still can cost, depending on where you go and what's available.

What you really need is a place to start, where you can get a case manager, someone to evaluate you, and get you directed to the appropriate resources available in your area. You could try calling 2-1-1 and asking them where to start. There might be a local number to start with.

Or you could check if the local hospital has a psych ward, and ask them where you can start. They may not take you into the hospital psych ward, unless you ask them to and you have good insurance that will pay for it, but they may be able to direct you to various helpful resources in the community. Then again if you are actively cutting and want to be admitted, they might take you. I stress they usually don't involuntarily hold anyone who doesn't want to be there, unless the patient is truly out of touch with reality and can't properly name the planet.

You can see if there's a local NAMI affiliated office in your area. Or a local Mental Wellness Center. Sometimes the local Alano club members know where the local mental health support center is. AA meetings or NA meetings. Al-Anon meetings, Nar-Anon meetings. Since so many mental health patients also develop drug addiction problems, there's a lot of crossover, so ask them and likely someone there knows.

Or walk into, or call any local psychiatrist office, ask the receptionist these questions, where can I go to find what helpful resources are available for me. They tend to know these things.

(Unfortunately it tends to vary from county to county, so it's not consistent.)

Don't worry about dropping out of school. If it's too much for you right now then that's fine. You can always resume later when you're feeling better.

Stay away from bridges and cliffs if you don't feel safe being too close to them. Stay as fare away from them as you need to feel safe. (I've been there. I've had times where I was glad I didn't live next to a cliff! We have some pretty high cliffs a few miles away. Fortunately I wasn't well enough to drive at the time.)

A residential place would be ideal. I lived in one for 3 months and loved it. It was exactly what I needed. I was surrounded by peers, nice people, ordinary people, except they had minor problems, like I had minor problems (minor being relative. If you saw us on the street you'd never know. If you heard us talk in group, you'd know how much we were hurting inside.) And a few very friendly staff who watched over us, and talk
ed with us, and engaged with us. We did social things, group things, went to the museum of art, had a structured day, eventually I slowly got better.

Sometimes it may be good to move to a different location, perhaps away from triggers, such as bridges and other places which bring back bad memories, or give you ideas. A change of scenery might help, if there's a recovery place somewhere else. Just an idea.

Best wishes!
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Re: i dont know how to reach out - June 16th 2017, 04:23 PM

Hey Amelia!

I am sorry that things are so tough for you lately, but I do hope you keep going and dont give up! I know how things are tough for you and I assure you that I have been at that place before. I really understand that you are struggling so badly, but please dont give up. I hate to see you suffer so much, but what I hate to see even much is you give up all the future happiness you deserve, and thus I will never tell you to give up, just like any others told you here!

I know when suicidal thoughts had been so strong, even places like a bridge or a tall building can trigger the thoughts. But I hope you keep fighting and dont give up. I know how it feels like to be completely exhausted in every possible way and see no way out of it. Even now I still feel hopeless of everything! But what makes me kept going is faith. I dont deserve to suffer this much and so if I suffer right now, if I try my best to fix things one day I will be able to get out of it. The same applies to you too Amelia! Things will not miraclely work out in a day, but I promise with continuous effort, anything is possible and difficult problems can be solved!

Its okay to be tired, when you feel this way it simply means you need a time to rest your mind. And at the same time to reach out for help! When things get so difficult for you to handle it yourself, always remember that you are not alone. We are all here for you and are willing to help as much as we can! We care about you, with no other reason than simply because you matters so much, just like any other good people around you! Your life is precious and dont end it, because you are worthy and you have a bright future ahead!

I genuinely hope that things will get better for you. Remember, you are never alone and do reach out to us more if you need to!

Do my best at everything I can to live a happy, perfect life.

Happy life won't come by being happy everyday. Struggle and always work hard.

Forgive other's imperfection, they will work hard about it once I point it out to them, just like what I should be doing.

On the other hand, never tolerate with my own mediocrity. Never slack and always strive improvement.

Never settle. Never give up.
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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i dont know how to reach out - June 17th 2017, 11:35 PM

Hey Amelia,
Thanks for reaching out to us at TH.
I would suggest not dropping out of school, but that is ultimately your choice. Please, please, do not attempt. You might think your "friends" do not care, but we care. Please don't cut deeper. It's so dangerous. Duck tape your wrists or where you normally cut and please get some help. PM me whenever you want, I'll always listen.

Life's a tough b**ch, but you are tougher. Go show it who's boss. <lots of love and hugs>
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