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FrozenRobot7 Offline
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How do I let people in? - June 27th 2017, 04:28 AM

The last few months have been pretty bad for me if I'm being honest, I have haven't been able to talk about it. Ever since about a year ago, I was open with everyone I knew about everything. But now, I find myself keeping everything in, and not being able to tell anyone anything. I know the people around me would be supportive, it's just that first step that scares me the most.

I have hinted to my mom about it, and she's gotten me help, which is all I can ask for. But, she just believes it is because of all the family trama we have all been through these past few years. I haven't even told my therapist about how I feel, because how do you? I mean that what they are there for, but how do you bring it up? I find it really hard just to start conversation with her, let alone come out and say "I'm depressed". The worst part is that my dad is struggling with depression now, and he hasn't gotten any help because he believes he doesn't need it. My mom has found this very hard and I believe me telling her how I truly feel would just make her more stressed and only worsen matters.

So how do I open up to people? My family would be the hardest, like I said above, but how do I even tell my friends? I feel like they won't believe me, and will just thing I am doing it for attention. How do I let them help me?
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Re: How do I let people in? - June 27th 2017, 06:22 AM

You just need to be honest. Once you tell them it will be a lot easier to let people in. Answer their questions and make things really clear to them. Be brave, I know you can do it. PM me if you need to talk.

Life's a tough b**ch, but you are tougher. Go show it who's boss. <lots of love and hugs>
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Re: How do I let people in? - July 4th 2017, 05:54 PM

Hey There,

I 100% get where you're coming from, and I was in that place for the longest time, and I'm not completely out yet.

Like you I literally used to be open to everybody and just didn't care. But then my depression went away, so I stopped talking about it, then it came back and I felt like I couldn't tell anybody.

First, with your therapist. Do you like her/feel comfortable with her? You need to make sure they're the right fit for you. With my therapist it took me awhile to open up to him, and he just sort of kept asking what would help. Finally I just spilled all of my feelings in an e-mail and clicked send. Ever since then we've had a really open relationship. If I have stuff I know I need to talk about I just send him an e-mail and we talk next session. Maybe this will work for you.

As for your mom, don't worry about adding stress. It's honestly worse to see someone you love struggling and not talking to you versus you unloading on them. Your mom seems upset your dad won't get help, probably because she loves you both and wants to help. You could leave her a note or a text if that's easier.

As for your friends. Just take it baby step by baby step. I picked my friend that I figured would understand the most and told him I needed to talk, but it came out in bits and pieces, and eventually he got the whole story. Maybe just send your friends a message saying you need to talk.

I also find it helpful to write down a list of my feelings before doing this, so I have something to talk about! Maybe that will help you as well. And of course if you ever just want to talk to someone online, I'm here for you. Send me a PM! Take care!
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Re: How do I let people in? - July 5th 2017, 04:15 AM

I can relate I have the same problems when trying to talk to my counselor what I have been doing is sending her emails before our appointments. Writing or emailing it is easier than trying to say it in person if that makes any sense.

Although in my case my counselor could read me like a book it was actually kind of scary... I would walk in and sit down we would talk about random stuff at first and then she would come right out and say something is bothering you I know it.

Then she would start guessing at it and within a few tries she had it! She would just wait for me to get really quiet and she knew she was onto something.... lol

Anyways, everyone is different there is nothing wrong with writing a note and giving it to him/her when you go or sending an email.

I hope this helped... Feel free to PM me if you need anything.


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Re: How do I let people in? - July 8th 2017, 03:04 AM

I totally know how you feel. While I am sure our experiences and our behaviours and thoughts are different, often times, experiencing trauma can make you feel like expressing yourself is not safe (take it from someone who's been in therapy for over a year). You might not even aknowledge it as unsafe, but the point is, regardless of how you'd characterize it, if expressing yourself used to be ok, and now it's not, that would suggest that something in your life changed to make your think it'll be a bad thing, even though expressing yourself is often really helpful.

I think how to talk to your therapist vs. your mom are really different so I'll address them on their own.

Talking to your therapist can be hard when you're not used to it. I think the important thing is that whatever is going on for you doesn't have to be expressed all in one go, you could start with talking about what's going on and get to the point where you don't know how to continue or like you're saying it wrong, and that's where you can start working through the small pieces with your therapist. To even start talking, you could simply say "there is something I want to talk to you about and I don't know where to start" and go from there. Your therapist will know what questions to ask to help prompt you, get info, and help you out.

I don't think being honest with your mom will add to her stress. If you're being constructive and letting her know you feel depressed, want to work on it, and stuff like that, it's ok. You could even let her know you're worried about talking to her in case it makes her more stressed out. Even if you get upset and start venting it'll be ok, you could always go back later and say sorry if it stressed her out. For all you know, insulating yourself is just as stressful for your mom because she knows something is bad enough for you to seek therapy, but maybe she doesn't know what's really happening, and she might feel like she's flying blind. Of course, nothing you do is wrong unless you're just being senselessly hateful or ignorant, but I'm just saying that without talking to your mom you have no idea what she'll be feeling either way and what you need is to be able to talk to her, so I think you should do so and trust that she'll find a way to let you know if you've said something to upset her further -- you can start by letting her know about your discomfort at adding to her stress and address that first.

I hope this helps.

Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
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Re: How do I let people in? - July 8th 2017, 07:07 AM

I understand how that feels I didn't want to tell my family how bad I was because I was scared of what it would do to them but afterwards became so much easier they are so supportive and give me more of a reason to not give up
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Re: How do I let people in? - July 13th 2017, 09:27 PM


Thanks for coming to us here for some help and support! Talking to people can be hard but I am glad you are wanting to do so to get the support you want and need.

Sometimes its easier just jumping in the deep end and doing it. Try and ask your mum to sit with you for a while or ask a friend over for a chat and just tell them you are struggling and why. Its going to be hard and scary but I swear down the 20 first seconds are the worst and from there it gets easier. They care about you and love you. They will want you to be honest with them and to open up to them so they can support you as best as they can.

If this really does feel too much to do, could you maybe write letters to the people you want to talk to and tell about why you feel the way you feel? I used to do this all the time and it helped me express myself so much and is something I would certainly encourage you to do if you feel it would be better for you.

Remember we're always here. People want to help you and it is okay to let them in. Never struggle alone in silence. We care as does everyone else.

Hope and wishes,

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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