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LittleLight Offline
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Exclamation (This my be triggering to some people) it's a long story - August 6th 2017, 11:24 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Okay so hello! My name is Rachel and honestly it's hard to keep doing this so to explain it in a short story

I was abused a lot in a few different ways (mentally, sexually, and emotionally) and a few other things have happened but for right now let's just focus on those things

When I was 13 I started noticing how much I thought about cutting and suicide and decided I needed help (now at the time
I was kind of distancing myself from my family because I was scared of them and also I was just so sad)
I didn't know how to start this conversation but one day I was really sad while I was cleaning the dining room with my mom and she noticed and when I opened up to her the words I said was "I've been having a lot of thoughts of suicide and self harm" and she proceeded with yelling at me saying "YOU KNOW BETTER" But the next day she apologized

Ever since then I've been so scared to talk to them more and more thoughts kept coming into my mind I started cutting I burned myself at a few points
When I was 14- early 15 years I kept saying I help I was asking for meds and I was asking for therapy multiple times I was told "You're over reacting" "it's hormones" and such along the lines of that i recently went to a summer camp and there I opened up to my camp counselor and I told her I was trying to kill myself the week prior of coming to camp she told me she had to tell the camp director and she did when it came to the last day of camp I had to talk to them with my parents and it was very quick... When I went home I was told I wasn't allowed to close my door and that I'd finally be getting therapy and I was so happy!
After they said that they'd try to talk to me about my problems which I didn't understand so I'd say "I don't know" and my mother said "if you can't talk to me how are you going to talk to a therapist?" I wanted to slap my mother at that moment.. but I didn't
When the day came I opened up pretty much completely and therapist said that a mental hospital would be a good idea for me (which I don't think it is) but then my family FLIPPED they called me downstairs and they said they weren't yelling but all I heard was yelling at me saying I was depressed for locking myself into my room and "isolating myself" from society because I get along with nobody in real life I was forced to tell them everything I told my therapist and I was forced to show them my cuts and they were acting like the victim and it hurt

Since that day I haven't been able to talk to my friends unless they aren't home which is hurting me a lot mental I have a knife

And honestly want to give up I lost all hope nothing is worth it no matter how much I try to convince myself it is I have no motivation I can't even get medical help

I don't think there's anyway anyone could help but aye why not if anyone wants to pm me with any questions that would be fine I don't mind answering or if you have any support that would be nice too

A heart without dreams is like a bird without feathers
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Wonderlust Offline
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Re: (This my be triggering to some people) it's a long story - August 6th 2017, 11:42 PM

Im sorry. They seem like (im sorry) bitches. You dont deserve this. PM me to talk, im so so sorry. It will get better. I promise. Sending love your way. Stay strong, fight for your life. You can do it.

Life's a tough b**ch, but you are tougher. Go show it who's boss. <lots of love and hugs>
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