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Lost and scared - August 19th 2017, 02:28 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hi! Again... I'ts been a while since last time i posted here and...uhhm well things haven't got better actually a bit worse than before muy sleep problems got worst now i got to sleep but in exchange i have nightmares that make me sleep and feel terrible my self-harm problems got out of control i can't stop also i feel the urge to cut myself at almost every moment thing that have left all my body withouth space to cut which causes me even more anxiety than the usual...thanks to the fact that cutting myself somehow makes me feel "better".
Most of people treats me like trash... I try to be nice but they just keep, even my friends also... I attempted suicide but failed... I tried to bleed out and well it almost worked but i fainted and fell to the floor only to wake up later to realize that the bleeding stoped... I feel so terrible for that i think that i should have taked pills with that... It seems that i'm a failure at everything even at something so simple as dying... I don't know what to do now i...just want to be ok but it seems impossible, i just want to be loved but please who would love someone like me... Please help me
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Re: Lost and scared - August 19th 2017, 09:21 AM

Hi. Sorry you've been feeling so bad. It's definitely not normal, and it sounds like classic medical depression, caused by an imbalance of chemicals in the body.

Have you seen a doctor? Any decent doctor should immediately recognize the symptoms of the medical problem and start you on medication to fix the underlying problem. A psychiatrist specializes in this field, but any doctor can get you started.

Another clue it's a medical problem is talking about it doesn't help. You can't talk your way out of a medical problem.

Cutting is also a big symptom that it's a medical problem of the body. Most people unfamiliar with it won't understand, but anyone in the mental health profession, or any patient (such as myself), we understand and are very familiar with that.

The good news is it's treatable. The not so good news is it may take trying several different medications before you find the one that works for you. The good news is there are about two dozen different medications to try, so it's likely one of them will work. The not so good news is, there's no way of determining which medication will be the one that works for you. Medical science has no way of determining that, other than to have you try them all, one by one, until you come across the one that works for you. The good news is you'll know it when you find the one that works for you. The optimistic news is it might be the first one you try! (Heck, might as well be optimistic. The other option is it'll be the last one you try, but that kind of goes without saying, that once you find the one for you, you'll probably stop trying other ones.)

So lots of good news, in the long run you'll likely be fine and feel infinitely better. And the not so good news is it may take a while to find the right med, but it's definitely out there and once you get your body chemistry balanced again then everything else just gets better by itself. The desire to cut will just fade away, and eventually it'll sound like a "Why would I want to do that?" idea.

So you see a doctor and get started on that. In the meantime, you can do whatever helps to get by while you wait to be cured. Maybe talking with a counselor helps a little. Maybe exercising a little helps, like just walk around the block. Find other people who have experience with this type of mental illness problem, there's quite a lot of us out there, perhaps as much as 10%. Ask around a little.

Church pastors often know about this, though it's kind of hit or miss. Sometimes they just think God will cure everything. Other's will get you connected with the right people, and not talk about God, which I find ironic that the ones who don't talk about God end up being the ones who do God's work the most. They don't pawn it off on God and say God will fix it, they take action and say we'll help you, which I think is what God would want us to do with other people.

Anyway, let's see, who else? Schools often have a counselor who may be knowledgeable about this stuff and can get you connected. You can check for a local NAMI affiliate. Or a local DBSA group. You could try just calling a psychiatrist's office and asking the receptionist if they can direct you to resources and support groups. (I don't know why they call them support groups, they're just groups, and we enjoy being with each other where we can be open and talk about these things since we all understand it having been there ourselves.)

OK well the major thing to know is it's a medical problem. I know it may not feel like a regular being ill type thing, but it's a chronic medical illness problem and fortunately it can be cured.

Sleep problems are another sign. (It's hard to know if sleep makes the problem worse, or if the problem makes sleeping worse. Kind of a chicken or egg thing. They go together.)

Yes I've heard others tell the story of when they were ill and they'd try suicide and they'd fail and that would really piss them off to know they couldn't even succeed at that. Kind of a blow to their self-esteem. But in the long run we're all grateful because now they are well and those thoughts no longer enter their mind.

Thank you for writing!
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Re: Lost and scared - August 19th 2017, 04:14 PM

I've been going to the psychologist for almost a half year and we haven't made any progress... In part thanks to the fact that i don't show my feelings or neither like to talk... I'm scared that i don't get better
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Re: Lost and scared - August 19th 2017, 10:13 PM

Is there something that is stopping you? The idea of recovery and living until an old age can seem daunting, especially when you're young. But it's important to make use of the therapy session to get to the rot of your problems, so you can begin to live the life you want to live. I'm sorry people don't treat you well, but not everyone is going to be like that. You are going to come across people throughout your lifetime–whether that's twenty, fifty, or seventy years–that will make a significant, positive impact on you and the way you view the world.

Perhaps you can look into joining clubs or volunteering, so you feel useful? Maybe this is something you can talk to your therapist about. I see a counselor and I am never able to get to the proper root of my problems, I have so many! But I do ramble on about wanting to live and finding coping methods, even if it's vaguely related to what I am struggling with. So maybe that is something to consider.

This may also give you a new perspective of what exactly you want to do with your life. It may also seem daunting, being young and being afraid of failure; but who isn't? I think writing down what you want to do, your goals, your feelings, anything really, would probably help. It may even help to bring it to your therapy sessions so you have something to talk about.

If you need to reach out again, don't hesitate!
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