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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Essie17 Offline
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Worried about a friend - September 7th 2017, 10:49 AM

I am really worried about one of my friends and dont know what to do to help her?
She has been really distancing herself recently from people and not coming training anymore. Yesterday she was messaging me about not feeling worth anything and how she feels she doesn't fit in because she isn't skinny like everyone else.
It might sound like nothing but i am really scared because i lost a close friend to suicide a few years ago and still semi think i could have helped her and i really dont want a repeat of things.
How should i help her?
   
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Re: Worried about a friend - September 7th 2017, 08:53 PM

Hey there. First of all, I think it's great that you're looking out for your friend. In my experience, a lot of people tend to just look the other way when someone is having a hard time because they don't want to get involved. Just the fact that you're posting this question here shows that you really care about her well-being and want her to be okay, and that's more than most people would probably do.

If your friend has been messaging you about not doing well, then she probably trusts you a lot. Have you told her that you're worried about her? This may seem like an obvious thing to do on the surface, but sometimes we don't think to actually say outright that we're worried about someone or that we care about them. Being really direct can go a long way in showing someone that you're there for them. It might help her a lot just to hear those words from you, if you haven't told her something like that already.

As for what more you can do to help her, I think the best thing you can do is encourage her to reach out for help. As terrible as it feels to be fairly helpless in this kind of situation, remember that it's not your responsibility to keep her safe; all you can do is try to encourage her in the right direction. Maybe you could suggest that she see a therapist or counselor; if you're in college, she may be able to go to therapy for free (or cheap) on campus. You could also offer her a number for a hotline, and maybe one you can text (which you can find if you google it). If you have a gut feeling that she's really not doing well, you're probably right, and in that case she really needs to speak with a professional.

I have one more suggestion for you, although I have mixed feelings about sharing it. When I was 16, my best friend and I were texting late at night and it came through that she was suicidal. I had a gut feeling that she might be in danger of committing suicide right then and there, so after talking to her a little bit longer and bringing another friend into it (we both ended up talking to her), both the other friend and I went to our parents and told them that we thought she was suicidal. My parents called her parents and told them what was maybe going on, and my friend ended up seeing a therapist. I lucked out; my friend wasn't mad at me, her therapist ended up helping her, and I don't think she ever did end up attempting suicide at any point. So - and again, I have really mixed feelings about this - another option you might have is to just tell someone. I'm assuming that your friend isn't a minor, since you aren't, so I'm not sure how much can be done for her without her consent if you were to tell someone. But if you are ever worried - even if it's just a gut feeling - that she may be in urgent danger, I wouldn't hesitate to call 911 and tell them where she is so they can hopefully reach her in time. In case of a non-urgent situation, that's really your call; telling someone about someone else's problems obviously comes with definite risks, and you really just have to weigh the risks and benefits in whatever situation you are in.

I hope that this works out for the best and that your friend starts feeling better soon. And I am so, so sorry to hear that you lost a different friend a few years ago; I hope that you never have to go through that again. Please remember, though - no matter what happens, it isn't your fault. It's not your job to take care of your friend. Whatever happens, it may have happened regardless of what you did. Please take good care of yourself. Best of luck!


"Chase your stars, fool. Life is short."

   
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Re: Worried about a friend - September 8th 2017, 02:18 AM

Maybe you can pay her a visit after school? Check on her regularly.
   
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Re: Worried about a friend - September 9th 2017, 06:19 AM

You can ask her what would be helpful, or what you can do to be helpful.

Often just being there for her. Someone she can text her emotions to. Someone who will listen.

You don't have to "fix" things, often the listening itself is what helps.

Thank you for being a good friend to her.

Sometimes not trying to "fix" her problems, but just listening to them, makes one more valuable, and someone they can really open up to, as they realize they can talk to you about anything and you won't reply with a bunch of advice that she then has to process, which is a burden if they don't feel like it. They either have to agree (Oh now I have to do this) or they disagree (Oh now I have to convince her why I don't want to do that; or I'll pretend I agree just to get her to stop pestering me about it.)

However, if the ask for advice, then it's OK to speculate, though sometimes the best response is to say, "I don't know". Then they discover they feel better anyway, just because you listened to them.

Tell her you care.

And most important, give her hope that she won't have to live like this forever. Hope gives her a reason to hang on.
   
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Re: Worried about a friend - September 10th 2017, 03:17 PM

Check on ber and see how shes doing. Hype her up sometimes, and make sure she knows she is beautiful and loved. PM me to talk
~wonderlust




Life's a tough b**ch, but you are tougher. Go show it who's boss. <lots of love and hugs>
   
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Re: Worried about a friend - September 10th 2017, 11:31 PM

Hey there! It is so good to see on how you care for your friend.

And I am so sorry for your loss.

Depression is not an easy subject. Quite frankly, depression is a self fought war. Sometimes it is won, other times it is lost. But you have ever single right to be worried and concerned.

From what I have read, your friend is in a first stage of depression.

The worst thing you can do is not have this in conceren. Before her depression worsens, have in mind that she is alone.

Check up on her regularly. Some things like ¨Hey how are you doing to day? Anything you need dont hesitate to ask me, okay?

This one might seem dumb, but compliment her constantly. Not only is it being nice, its building but her self-esteem.

I found out that the hard away. I always thought people said that to me cause they felt bad for me

That is what your friend may think, so make it clear, that it is not out of sympathy. Have it real.

*I hope I help, or will help. If you need me for anything, dont hesitate to PM me or just text me in general, I will talk. It may take me a few to reply but I will reply!!! Have a good one. :hugs:*


I'm not looking for sympathy, just understanding- Jacoby Shaddix <3
   
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Re: Worried about a friend - September 11th 2017, 06:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Concinnity View Post
Hey there. First of all, I think it's great that you're looking out for your friend. In my experience, a lot of people tend to just look the other way when someone is having a hard time because they don't want to get involved. Just the fact that you're posting this question here shows that you really care about her well-being and want her to be okay, and that's more than most people would probably do.

If your friend has been messaging you about not doing well, then she probably trusts you a lot. Have you told her that you're worried about her? This may seem like an obvious thing to do on the surface, but sometimes we don't think to actually say outright that we're worried about someone or that we care about them. Being really direct can go a long way in showing someone that you're there for them. It might help her a lot just to hear those words from you, if you haven't told her something like that already.

As for what more you can do to help her, I think the best thing you can do is encourage her to reach out for help. As terrible as it feels to be fairly helpless in this kind of situation, remember that it's not your responsibility to keep her safe; all you can do is try to encourage her in the right direction. Maybe you could suggest that she see a therapist or counselor; if you're in college, she may be able to go to therapy for free (or cheap) on campus. You could also offer her a number for a hotline, and maybe one you can text (which you can find if you google it). If you have a gut feeling that she's really not doing well, you're probably right, and in that case she really needs to speak with a professional.

I have one more suggestion for you, although I have mixed feelings about sharing it. When I was 16, my best friend and I were texting late at night and it came through that she was suicidal. I had a gut feeling that she might be in danger of committing suicide right then and there, so after talking to her a little bit longer and bringing another friend into it (we both ended up talking to her), both the other friend and I went to our parents and told them that we thought she was suicidal. My parents called her parents and told them what was maybe going on, and my friend ended up seeing a therapist. I lucked out; my friend wasn't mad at me, her therapist ended up helping her, and I don't think she ever did end up attempting suicide at any point. So - and again, I have really mixed feelings about this - another option you might have is to just tell someone. I'm assuming that your friend isn't a minor, since you aren't, so I'm not sure how much can be done for her without her consent if you were to tell someone. But if you are ever worried - even if it's just a gut feeling - that she may be in urgent danger, I wouldn't hesitate to call 911 and tell them where she is so they can hopefully reach her in time. In case of a non-urgent situation, that's really your call; telling someone about someone else's problems obviously comes with definite risks, and you really just have to weigh the risks and benefits in whatever situation you are in.

I hope that this works out for the best and that your friend starts feeling better soon. And I am so, so sorry to hear that you lost a different friend a few years ago; I hope that you never have to go through that again. Please remember, though - no matter what happens, it isn't your fault. It's not your job to take care of your friend. Whatever happens, it may have happened regardless of what you did. Please take good care of yourself. Best of luck!
Thanks for replying! It may seem really selfish but in a way i didnt want to get involved because i was scared from things in the past and thought that if i didnt try and help then nothing could make me feel bad again. I have been speaking to her trying to get her to get help from a professional and i think she is seeing a counsellor at school (she is 17 so 2 years younger than me) but im not sure if she has just said that to make me happy.
I do know that if she ever gives me any hint that she is suicidal i will call her parents or 999 just to be safe because i would absolutely hate a repeat of a few years ago!
   
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