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uhohmykokoro Offline
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Unhappy Why does this happen to me? - September 13th 2017, 02:02 AM

Ever since, I was a child, I've never been able to make friends. Good friends, anyway. I'm a senior and I still find myself as alone as ever.

My "friends" leave me out, make fun of me, and take advantage of me. It's a never ending cycle: it was like this in elementary, junior high, now high school, and I bet it will be like this in college.

Aside from being alone socially, I'm also alone romantically. Nearly everyone I've liked in the past avoids me like toxic waste once they find out (and the two that returned my feelings turned out to be jerks).

I can't seem to find comfort in my family, but that's another discussion for another day.

I just don't understand what I did to deserve this. I'm a nice person. I try my best to be civil and courteous to everyone. I'm reasonably good at talking to others and try not to appear standoffish and cold. I don't think I'm too clingy; I definitely value my personal space and try not to invade others.

This is basically torture. I wouldn't wish this on anyone else.

Sorry for ranting, but I thought it would help to write my thoughts. Any advice is helpful
   
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Re: Why does this happen to me? - September 13th 2017, 06:12 AM

It's not your fault. Don't ever feel like there's something wrong with you, or that all this is your fault. Just because you had some bad experiences with people it doesn't mean that's how it always will be like. It sounds you've just met a lot of fake people throughout your whole life, and that you have yet to come across someone genuine and true. You should never just call it quits and never interact with people ever again. There's going to be some bad apples that you come across in your life, but if you never give up, put yourself out there, be yourself, and learn to interact with people, I promise you that you will come across someone who is genuine and who'll be loyal to you no matter what.

Don't spend so much time thinking about all those "friends" or those crushes you've had in your life. They're not worth your time. Just forget about them. The more you keep thinking that this is how this "cycle" will keep being like, the more it'll likely become reality, so don't worry and be sad about if this is how it's going to be like the rest of your life. It won't. Think positive. Believe that things are going to get better.

You did nothing to deserve any of this. I mean, I'll admit: I've had these times where I blame myself and ask myself the same thing, and if you were to ever meet me in person, you would know I am a genuinely good guy. The world is filled with a handful of merciless people, but even through all that, there are still good people that exist out there. Your past does not have to define what happens in the present and the future. Keep being yourself, and don't be afraid to be confident and put yourself out there. The right people will come to your life when you least expect it, but until then, keep holding on, be strong and feel free to express yourself to others.

No need to apologize for the ranting.

I hope this has given you insight on your situation, and I wish you well that good things will come to you in time.

-B




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Re: Why does this happen to me? - September 14th 2017, 02:57 PM

Thank you so much for your advice, CrusadingAvenger (and I love your username)!
   
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Re: Why does this happen to me? - September 14th 2017, 10:35 PM

You're welcome, and I hope you take what I said into consideration and put it to use. If you ever want to message me, feel free to. Thanks for the compliment about my username btw.




Who I am is the possibility of kindness, compassion, and perseverance in all beings, and what I have to give up to be that possibility is my fear of looking bad, and that is who I am!
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Re: Why does this happen to me? - September 15th 2017, 09:46 AM

Yeah, never feel sorry what you are. The correct ones will recognize you themselves.
   
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Re: Why does this happen to me? - September 15th 2017, 02:31 PM

It is indeed a life of torture. I live the same existence as you.

Advice? Don't know, really. Does it get better? For some, maybe? I have no clue. Just came here to sympathize. It's always easier to handle, knowing you aren't alone in the struggle, and a great struggle it is. I suppose some of us are less lucky than others, and there's not really much that can be done about it. There's no such thing as universal justice, and not everyone can and will be happy.

Still, I don't thinks it's lost. You're young, as am I, and there's still a good amount of time left to fix what's broken. It's hard, but far from impossible!

I wish you good luck, and hope you will wish me the same in return!
   
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Re: Why does this happen to me? - September 17th 2017, 11:55 PM

Thank you so much, Danny and Sanctus
   
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Re: Why does this happen to me? - September 18th 2017, 09:27 AM

College gets much better. Better people.
   
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Re: Why does this happen to me? - September 18th 2017, 11:15 AM

Hey,
First of all you have done nothing to deserve this.

I totally understand how you feel. My friendships have always been off and on and I have never really had any good ones except maybe three. The best thing to do is not give up on trying to make friends. I have pretty much done this and I am always alone and have no one to do things with except my family. I do not know how old you are but I would suggest if you are in high school to join a club and meet new people. I would try and do things outside of school that you really like to do and try and make friends that way. One thing that I have found that really helps is that I usually make better friends with people 2-4 years older than me. Or people who are younger than me. I don't really get a long with people my age.

As far as dating and relationships go. Do not feel like you have to be in one right now. And do not rush it. I am almost 26 years old and have never been in a relationship and yes it can be really fustrating when everyone around you is dating and going out on dates, but your time will come.

College is a whole difference experience if you use it wisely. When I was in college I tended to keep to myself and only talk to people when waiting for class never really bothered to make friends. But I would join clubs of things that I was interested in I also joined a sports team that I was really interested in. College is really different and it does get better but you HAVE to put yourself out there and be willing to make friends.

If you ever need to talk I am just a pm/vm away.
I hope this helped.

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Re: Why does this happen to me? - September 18th 2017, 07:32 PM

Hey,

It can be really difficult to make friends. I had some of the same experiences as you have discussed. In elementary school I had one friend, each year, that I was really close to but for one reason or another, by the following year I did not have that friendship any more. When I entered into junior high I really struggled with making friends. The friends I had in 6th grade were nice but they had all been friends for so long that I was left out a lot and I didn't really connect with any of them. In 7th and 8th grade I made different friend's but those people weren't all that nice to me. There was this one time when all the girls had gotten into an argument. Anyway, two of the girls were best friend's and wanted to be 'alone'. They told me to go hang out with the other girls that they were all fighting and I tried telling them that those girls wouldn't let me hang out because they had thought that I had taken the 'best friends' side. Long story short, it was at that time that I realized that I wouldn't have very strong relationships with those girls. In high school, things got a tad bit easier for me but I wasn't exceptionally close to the people that I would eat lunch with. I don't even talk to any of the people I met in high school.

The thing is, you didn't do anything to deserve this. I honestly think that there are some people that have a harder time making friends. When I was 19 I was introduced to some people and after a while I became really close to them. These people are definitely great friends of mine but if it had not been for the fact that someone introduced me to them I probably wouldn't have had those types of friendships.

I do think that the best way to build friendships is to join clubs even if you are not in school a lot of college campuses an even individuals within the community will have clubs of some kind. I know a few years ago I was able to find a book club in my hometown by doing a simple google search. I have definitely gotten closer to the girls in my book club over the years but I am not certain I will ever be friend's with them. However, I am sure that it could happen if I really wanted it too.

As for relationships, it is definitely frustrating when it seems like everyone else is out there dating. I used to have the same frustrations but I also came to realize that I wasn't really putting myself out there so I wasn't able to meet someone. I know there are a lot of people who emphasize that a relationship will happen when you least expect it and to an extent this is true. However, you still have to try and put yourself out there in order to meet people. That being said, finding people who are decent people and who share the same goals as you can be hard and, I have found that the younger you are the harder it is. Also, I didn't really enter into my first relationship until I was 25 and I didn't even start putting myself out there till I was 24 ... so it took me about a year of just 'dating' people to find someone that I felt compatible with and I was definitely starting to give up.

I know all of these things can be frustrating but with time it is likely that you will be able to make some friends and maybe enter into a relationship. I know it is hard but the more you interact with those around you the more likely you will be to find people who you like and enjoy being around. The key is to not settle. If you make friends with people who do not treat you well try and talk to them about it and see if you can all work on a solution but if those people are not willing to change their behaviors than do not hesitate to cut them out of your life.

Best of luck.


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