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stylishxmissy Offline
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Depressed. worthless. ranting. - May 25th 2009, 05:15 PM

I think i may have posted a thread before, but i don't remember now.

Firstly, i think i maybe just need someone to talk to..
I feel so alone and worthless. People throw me away completely just because i have problems (that we all have). Yet i admit to my mistakes, i admit i can be offensive towards people etc at times, but the hurt lies inside because people leave me, wipe me out of their life completely and make me feel hated and completely worthless. It hurts. I know we all experience this at some stage in life, but it just seems like i cant find anyone that will actually not just walk out and dump me because they clearly didnt show understanding towards my problems. The thing is though, i actually admit to my mistakes, genuinely. I sit hating myself for it for ages, and what really gets to me is when people say they understand i am genuine underneath my problems etc, then act like i purposely sit there being offensive etc. It makes me feel like they arent even trying to see who i really am, if they did wouldnt they sit and realize at some point that its not me, its my problem thats causing me to be like i am at times?? Wouldnt they realize i am genuine, and maybe see why i have this other side to me at times? But it just honestly feels like people just leave and forget that. I know problems arent easy for everyone to understand, but its a different matter to me leaving someone and thinking that person is evil and bad for having those problems.

I know i'm fucked up, and worthless and i admit it all, yet i cant help but feel so depressed and angry at people for just blanking me and turning against me for having problems and making mistakes. I thought thats what people do in life, make mistakes?

Blah, sorry for ranting on. I just needed to get it off my chest.

my biggest dream is no longer a dream, because it became real.
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Cookie.prose17 Offline
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Re: Depressed. worthless. ranting. - May 25th 2009, 06:02 PM

You are not worthless. You were just never offered an explanation, and assumed the worst. I have a lot of problems, too--and yet I built friendships at a new school where I knew no one, even after making a bad first impression, that lasted for nearly five years. I handled it so well, it was like I was just like everyone else. After knowing a girl and being best friends with a girl for two years, we started really opening up to each other. If you were to see us walking side by side, laughing, and smiling, arm in arm, you would have never guessed what both of us had gone through. My friend, Gabrielle, turned to me, and told me that no one would have ever had any idea. And I just smiled back at her. I opened up to my friends, one by one, and no one ran away from me. It's because I said it with a smile--I dealt with my problems pretty well, and so they had no reason to worry over me. It was when I stopped handling my problems well, when they ran out on me. And even so, I got a hold of myself again, and I've been forgiven. I permanently damaged five friendships, but three of them forgave me. Your friends need to know that they don't have to worry about you constantly. They're there to help you with things they can help you with, like a boy breaking up with you, or a bad grade on an exam. But things that run deeper than that, things that they can't help you with, make a friend feel helpless. Even if they try their best to help you, your problems will still be your problems, and only you can deal with them. If they feel like whatever they do, however they try to be a good friend isn't good enough, then yes, they will leave you. When making new friends, out of all of your problems, give them something easy to start off with. They'll be happy to help, and they'll start to feel like valuable friends to you. Always make sure that they know how much they are appreciated. And please do not ever call yourself worthless--it's an insult to the friends that really care about you. When you insult yourself, you're calling your friend's close friend "worthless", and that isn't appreciated. At all. Surely you can find something that's good about yourself. Until you do, no one will bother to get to know you if they think that this is all there is to you. Let people know what's underneath, and you will have no problem making friends.
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*Jen* Offline
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Re: Depressed. worthless. ranting. - May 25th 2009, 06:03 PM

Hey Kat,

I am really glad that you posted this because it sounds like you are going through a really difficult time. There will always be someone that you can talk to here so remember that you never have to be alone. So if you ever need anything then you are more than welcome to PM me. You don't have to go through any of this on your own so always remember that.

You are definitely not worthless. I think you are worth so much and just because you have problems it definitely doesn't make you worthless. Everyone has problems at times and I think it is how you deal with them and get through them that really matters. Mistakes are part of life and you can only learn from mistakes. You can't change the mistake that happened but you can learn from it. It can be really hard when so many people just dump you down like that. You deserve so much better! You have to remember that not everyone will be like that just because of the people that have treated you like that. People that treat you like that are not worth it. It doesn't make you worthless. Is it anyone inparticular that has treated you like that? Stay strong :-)
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