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Essie17 Offline
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Name: Esme
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Cant cope - September 15th 2017, 09:42 PM

Sorry everyone, this may turn into a bit of a rant and i dont expect anyone to read it all or reply to me at all just need to get it off my chest.

There are so many things going on at home in my life at the moment that its all getting too much and im struggling again. I always feel okay during the day and then as soon as it gets to the evening/night i stop being busy and it gives me time to think about things and its gets overwhelming. My parents seem to think i am strong and that nothing gets me upset but they could not be more wrong! i think i am one of the most emotional people ever but i hate showing my emotions to people and so keep my feelings silent and dont cry unless i am by myself and things are too much. i am sat in my room crying right now but noone i know will ever find out and so they will all think i am fine.

I used to talk to my dad about things until my granddad got ill a couple of years ago with dementia and since then i havent spoke to him about things that matter. i was so close to my granddad and now he doesnt know who i am when i go and visit and it is the worst feeling in the world because it feels like he isnt there anymore in my life when he is but i just cant speak to him like i used to. when i go and visit him all i can do is sit there and talk to him and hope he understands what i am saying. Now i find visiting him hard because my dad might have cancer but there is no way that my granddad (dads dad) will know about what his son is going through and i feel like i am hiding a secret when i go see him.
We dont know whats happening with my dad and the few people i have spoken to have just had a go at me saying i shoudnt be worried because it isnt definitely cancer and that im being stupid. its people like that who make me sacared to speak to others and open up to get help.

Everything just seems to be getting too much for me and i dont know what to do to make things easier. I dont want things to get as bad for me again as they did last year and for me to resort to self harm again but i dont know how to stop it. i want to speak to someone about everything but i dont know who. i cant speak to my parents but then i find it so hard to explain how i feel and talk about what im going through so i end up staying silent.

Sorry for the long rant
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Peachman Offline
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Re: Cant cope - September 17th 2017, 12:19 AM

Im so sorry to hear about whats happening with your Dad and Granddad, but by the sounds of your situation you should probably see a counselor / therapist or one thing I find helpful when feeling sad etc is doing something I / you enjoy that keeps your mind busy till the feeling passes.
With how you said you wanted to speak to someone a close friend, counselor or the chat room here (im new here idk how good it is) seem like good ideas

Good luck
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