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TitusM Offline
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Name: Titus McCreery
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Location: ohio

Posts: 1
Join Date: September 18th 2017

Why do i have to be like this - September 18th 2017, 12:51 AM

Im 16, a junior in highschool. Things in my life are going ok, but i have a lot of mental issues that i have no idea how to deal with. ive always had issues with dealing with my feelings. I have depression and anxiety attacks, both of which im taking meds for. They're helping, but not much. I just need a way to vent how i feel. I cant talk to my parents, because they'll either bluff it or over react. I dont want to tell my gf about it, because i dont want her to worry or feel bad for me. my friends all think depression and suicide is something to joke about, so when i open up, the usually say "lol same". My therapist just doesnt get me. Im a special case i guess. I have issues with comparing myself to others. Thats the major offender. no matter what, im always worse than someone, and it drives my depression and suicidal thoughts crazy. I just feel useless to this world because of it. My grades are mostly A's B's and C's, but my gf is a straight A student in all of these honor programs. I just feel incompetent compared to her. My parents are extremely harsh about my grades, which complicates it more. I just feel like im going nowhere with my life. ive self harmed since the 7th grade, been depressed since the 4th grade, and have tried killing myself many times. I feel like everyone else deserves a chance but me. everyone else is a great person. Im just an outcast.
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del677 Offline
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Re: Why do i have to be like this - September 18th 2017, 10:46 AM

Wow sorry parents are causing all this!

You're GF is a straight A? she may have social deficits. Sometimes the really super bright ones discover later the academic smarts came at a cost of being not so good socially (which doesn't get graded in school, but counts in real life a lot). So she may be very grateful you are there for her.

parents being harsh about grades! How awful!

School was created by people with the Guardian personality type, for people with the Guardian personality type. Other people with other personality types may not fit in as well, may not do as well, but may still be extremely talented, skilled, and smart in other ways. (Such as being a good performer, good at sports, good at using tools. Sometimes they just need a different learning environment; a different tactic.)

Your therapist doesn't get you? Not everyone's a good match. Find a different therapist! (Doesn't even have to be a therapist, just someone who "gets" you. Maybe other depressed people, other people who have been depressed in the past, find one of those adults, they'll understand you; they'll be able to relate. So important to find someone who understands and can relate, or at least listen well.)

I had to try many different medications before finding the combination that worked for me. I tried a lot which didn't really work or do much. Keep trying different ones!

So sorry you've felt so bad! At such an early age too! Usually doesn't start until people get to college age. But appears to be starting earlier and earlier nowadays. Not sure why.

Yea other students who haven't experienced anything like it won't have any idea what to do or how to respond, so they'll just wave it off since they don't know what else to do.

(Until you find the other students who do understand because they've been there themselves. They're out there! Possibly slightly older ones who've been through it may be helpful.)

(If your GF is super smart she may already know. Then again, the smarter they are, the worse problems they probably have hidden away. She probably is very appreciative to have you! Secretly of course, because she's afraid to tell you her own true struggles.)(Or maybe she's perfect--but I doubt it. She probably has insecurities of her own.)

Anyway sorry it's been so hard! Strict harsh parents certainly exacerbates that! (There's a new book titled "The 5 personality patterns" which I think should be better titled "The 5 survival patterns" because it describes 5 survival patterns that young people can fall into if they have a severe traumatic childhood. Could be useful to recognize if one of them is a pattern you've adopted. Not saying any are, just saying the book is a resource that might be helpful. Or not. Sorry I don't have any solutions that fit all possibilities. Wish I did. I have my own problems I secretly hide from some, and open to others.)
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