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mylifeisadumpsterfire's Avatar
Name: miles
Gender: Trans
Location: Canada

Posts: 18
Join Date: January 10th 2016

Unhappy I just really need to vent - September 21st 2017, 03:49 AM

so like the title says i just need to vent. i guess ill start by saying ive had depression for the past 6 years and its getting to the worst its ever been. I started cutting after being clean for a year because i just didnt know what else to do and i started using laxatives because i feel like shit about my body. I used to purge but i hated thinking what it was doing to my teeth so i stopped. The reason its got this bad i think is because I started realizing I did't feel comfortable with my body and I think i my be transgender which i feel like shit about because ive already let down my family by being pansexual and i dont think my friends would even look at me the same if i told them. If i did come out who would even like me ya know like I wish i could just be normal i want to get a date and be normal but I cant change how i feel and it feels like shit. I also struggle with anxiety almost everyday before school and end up either taking gravol or chamomile tea because my parents dont know im depressed or one of them dont know my mother knows and she seems to think if im not ready to see a doctor than im just going through a phase. I would even think of telling my dad because I can imagine the disappointment on his face. On top of that shit ive had this fucking ear infection actually i dont even know what the fuck it is i just cant hear out of one ear sometimes and my voice echos and i cant focus in school because of it and i get bad grades and break down. My mother knows i have this but does nothing about it just waves me off and rolls her eyes like my problems are the most annoying thing in the world when im seconds from a break down. I just feel so numb i dont know how much longer i can handle this shit. I just feel sick.
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del677 Offline
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Posts: 511
Join Date: December 28th 2016

Re: I just really need to vent - September 21st 2017, 09:36 AM

sorry you feel so bad.

there are a lot of people who will like you, whatever your gender or sexual orientation. just need to be around the right people.

like my brother who used to be my sister moved to San Francisco, which was a smart move, because that area is full of trans gender and all sorts of people who are different yet very nice people when you get to know them.

other thing is people who are against others who are different usually don't know anyone different. they eventually meet someone who turns out to be different, and they eventually change their mind as they eventually realize this person is nice and not a Satan worshiper devil evil person they were raised to believe. You are living proof that they are wrong.

really helps to be with a few people who accept you as you are. need that to counter tendency to turn against oneself.

sorry you feel bad.

Canada has good universal health care don't they?

hope better times ahead.
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