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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
UltraViolet Offline
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soon - May 25th 2009, 07:44 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

im not sure when/where/how.
in the back of my midn i know.
im waiting.
wat for i dont know.
to suffer more?
perhaps.
i hate this hate myself.
just want to make sure it works this time.
no mistake.
no pitiful goes.
a chance to be free.
thats what i want.


'thanks to you i never trusted...'
- Boy Kill Boy




This depression is a killer...
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: soon - May 25th 2009, 09:36 PM

Lea

I beleive that you are in so much torment, I wish I could just clap my hands and your pain to go away.

Unfortunatly I cant do that.

I also believe you have the power to help yourself. You need help & Im just scared you will end it to soon.

I dont want you to end it. Please dont.

You can be free...being a teenager is so aweful for some people. But once you get out of teenage years your perspective on life can improve.

I dont know what to say anymore that can help, except it hurts me so much to hear those words coming from an intelligant, thoughtful person.

Listen, Im always going to be here for you, but you have to be here for me.

I want you to know, suicide is not the answer...do you really just want to be a statistic, or do you want to turn your life arround to be someting better. YOu are are worth a lot.

PM me, please.

Jamie

xx


HelpLink Mentor & Forum Moderator

PM me!



Our lives are like music.
It hits its high and low notes,
But in the end,
It all turns into a perfect melody
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: soon - May 26th 2009, 01:43 AM

Lea, I'm sorry you feel this way But please don't end everything, that's not the way to solve all your problems, it may end all yours but think about everyone you're leaving behind. I know sometimes life can completely and totally suck but that's jut how life works. You are very much worth it. and you deserve to live a full life. I am always here to talk if you need someone.
Take care<3


Failure is not falling; it is remainin where you have fallen.
.
You laugh because i'm d.i.f.f.e.r.e.n.t, I laugh because you're all the s.a.m.e.



Last Self Harm:08/04/11
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: soon - May 26th 2009, 06:29 PM

i was listening to music all yesterday, lookin out of my window.
watching all the people go by, wondering whats going on in there lifes.
thinking about how we're all different.
thinking how im nothing, and how empty i am, how empty my life is.
the pain inside me is to much.
the pain from all the cuts, hurts.
hurts alot.
but its good, it helps.
deeper each day.
the thought and feelings constently going around in my head.
to die.
to let it go.
this fight, is pointless.
ive already given up on the fight anyway, im just waiting.
more arguments today, followed by the long lingereing silence.
the painfull silence.
the aching silence, theat just suffocates me.
i cant tell.
i cant say how i feel, or what i want. or what will happen soon.
or what has been happening, y would i want to?
more argument?
no1 is here, no friend, friends are something other people have.
not me.
im not anybody, im nothing.
a waste.
soon to become another statistic of unemployed/drop out/useless stain on society.
a stastic of a sucide would be better than useless.
i keep crying, seemingly for nothing.
i keep wishing for all this to end.
im not sttrong enough for this, i want out.
and i want out of it all noe


'thanks to you i never trusted...'
- Boy Kill Boy




This depression is a killer...
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: soon - May 26th 2009, 10:22 PM

please tell me these are poems
if your feeling suicidal you really should tell someone
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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: soon - May 27th 2009, 02:15 PM

iv just had one of the biggest arguments with my mum ever, i cant put it into workds really.
i cant explaint this all, *SCREAMS*
arrrhhhhh i cant take this, any of it.
it to much........to much
*SCREAM*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


'thanks to you i never trusted...'
- Boy Kill Boy




This depression is a killer...
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: soon - May 27th 2009, 07:27 PM

Hey Lea,

arguments suck. But they do end. And sometimes arguments can be helpful, if they get out an issue and give people a chance to work through it.

Screaming is okay sometimes. It's a way better method of getting out frustration than some other means.

Personally, I think you're pretty good at putting what you feel into words. And hey, we're always here to listen and try to help sort them out when the get overwhelming.

Hang in there. I'll be thinking of you.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: soon - May 28th 2009, 06:15 PM

it wasnt a normal argument.
it was awful.
we were shouting and screaming, i lost my temper, nearly hit her.
i told her i hate her.
that she was a cold hearted bitch.
she said all the things she could, that she knew would hurt me.
about me not having any friends, about how no1 wants me.
no1 loves me.
she wasnt just being nasty she meant it.
then she said that she knew, about it.
that i cut myself, and clean it up after, n she said wat is that meant to achieve.
i told her she wouldnt understand.
even if i told her, she wouldnt care.
i told her im not well, iv asked for help, iv been to the doctors, seh knows that, iv seen counsellors.
i feel even more that she doesnt care, and im alone.
my mum has been the only person iv vaugly been able to talk to about things before.
but eveythings changed, things changed a while ago, and know.
its impossible.
afterwards she told me that she didnt care if i hated her, and i told her that i didnt.
y did i back down? its alwasy the same, a week, a month, 2 months, it will repeat itself it always does, nothing changes.
but i know what will change it.
i cnt cope with it anymore guys, really i cant.
i was thinking that i should try and get her to understand SH but if i printed something off she wouldnt read it, she wouldnt google SH if i told her too.
she just doesnt care, and doesnt get it.
its all gone to far now.
im gathering the stuff i need.
im thinking about suicide more and more lately.
its my only way out.
there is nothing more for me to do.
things hav been like this for to long.
im not for this, im to weak, i want out of this fucing life.
i want out of who i am! i hate myself so goddam much, nothing i ever do is anywhere near right. i cant.
cant do it.


'thanks to you i never trusted...'
- Boy Kill Boy




This depression is a killer...
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: soon - May 29th 2009, 04:49 AM

Hey Lea,

hun, I'm really sorry to hear that this argument was so stressful. But please keep in mind that even the worst storms can blow over.

Don't listen to what your mom said about no one wanting you. We will always want you around, will always care about you. I promise.

Lea, you deserve to take care of yourself. Even when things are overwhelmingly stressful, you get to not give yourself even more stress - instead of taking the time to gather things you need, could you maybe approach that a different way and gather things that might help you feel better, might help remind you that you are worth caring about and that there people (like me! ) who do care about you? Stuff like chocolate, a favorite bracelet (or other visual reminders), blankets that can be run through a dryer and wrapped warm around your shoulders, stuff like that?

Hang in there, Lea. You can get through this.

PM me anytime! I'll be thinking of you


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: soon - May 29th 2009, 02:53 PM

im not keeping on, well i dont mean to.
like, i dont mean to keep going on and on.
making it sound like im threating to kill myself or something.
but, iv got this ache inside me.
the ache to die.
for it to be over.
i wanna cut my wrist so deep that i bleed out, i want to hang, and feel the life go from my body.
i want to take enough pills to pass out, for my body to shut down, for me to b no more.
i want to jump, from the highest building, feel the wnd in my hair, take a deep breath before the air rushes around my head as i fall furthur down and down, until i feel no more.
i know non of them are fool proof, and i no many people think it isnt the answer, but ur not here.
the feelings iv got in my head right now, shouldnt be there, just like myself.


'thanks to you i never trusted...'
- Boy Kill Boy




This depression is a killer...
   
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: soon - May 29th 2009, 06:25 PM

Lea, I know that killing yourself might sound a Hell of a lot better than living right now, but do you really want to end your life? Do you really want to give up on everything that has ever mattered to you in life? Can you honestly say you've never been passionate about something, that you've never felt like somewhere, you belonged? And even if you haven't felt those emotions lately, you can again. You will again. So why, may I ask, give up on them? Why end your life over the sad emotions, when the happy, great ones, are the ones that are meaningful, and the only ones truly worth something as much as your life? You're having a hard time right now, and I understand that. But unfortunately, that's not a good enough reason to kill yourself. Why? Because things will get better. I know you may not believe it right now, and who can blame you, but there are so many people that have pulled through all of this before. You're not alone in this, and you're going to make it through. And if not soon, one day. For now, live for the moments when you do feel things may get better. When you have the tinniest feeling of hope. I know sometimes those moments are once in a lifetime - but they're something. And those kinds of moments are why your life is meant to be lived. People argue, fight, hurt each other, but there's still plenty of good people, good emotions in the world. They may be hard to see, but I can promise that they're always there, I really can. I'm always here if you need to talk to anyone, Lea. I believe that you can get through this, and I don't plan to stop believing it anytime soon. Stay strong, okay? x





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


   
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Re: soon - May 30th 2009, 04:51 AM

Hey Lea,

you don't have to apologize for anything you write. Sometimes getting everything out in a really long message can be way more helpful than just keeping stuff in.

Hun, I understand the "I don't want to be here anymore" feeling - I've felt that way before, too. Been there, nearly did that, and really glad that I got an amazingly well-timed phone call. 'Cause oy would I have been mad about all the stuff I would have missed out on. I know that things can feel really dark sometimes - but I promise, clouds do break. For brief moments, and eventually for really long ones. You just have to keep finding new umbrellas until the rain lets up.

I wish I could be there to give you a hug or something. But consider this your replacement *gives big, giant hug, the kind that almost-squeezes-really-hard-but-lets-go-so-you-start-laughing-instead*

Hang in there


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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