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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
TheAtomicBlade Offline
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I don't know if anyone would miss me - October 5th 2017, 05:58 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hey,
So i don't mean to be a bummer or anything, but recently I've just been wondering if anyone would even notice if I was gone. I know my mum will be a bit sad, but I just feel like I'm not important to anyone and that I fuck up everything. Just feels like everyone would be better off without me, and that I should just vanish. It sucks because I was getting way better, and hadn't had depressive/suicidal/self harm thoughts in ages (like a few months).

I don't know what I'm asking here. Sorry for being a downer, I don't mean to do that. Just feeling like crap.

Cheers
Tort


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And remember, you matter. You're awesome. You're beautiful. Stay strong, the world will get better.

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I don't know if anyone would miss me - October 5th 2017, 06:39 PM

you're not a bummer at all, and i think everyone here would rather hear your struggles and be able to help you out rather than have you suffer alone.
obviously i can't speak for the people you know IRL, but i can say that your mom would definitely be more than just a "bit sad". a parent losing a child may just be one of the most devastating and heartwrenching things a person could possibly go through. i actually know parents who have lost a child, one in particular had four other children. i am 100% sure that the only thing that kept her going was the fact she had other kids, because when she first lost her son everyone could see how much it killed her inside. a mother doesn't ever heal entirely from that, and i think the majority of parents would feel some sort of guilt for the death of their child, for the rest of their lives.
not trying to be depressing or guilt trip you or anything, but i just know that even if no one else would, your mother would be devastated beyond repair.

but other people would miss you. i would miss you. i think one of the reasons this site is so great is because, as well as being a platform for people to find help, it's a platform where people can have a purpose. we have the ability to help dozens of people every day on TH, and that's something i've noticed you doing from the start. i remember how you would always leave sweet, positive messages on my profile, and i saw you leave them for other people as well. sometimes that was the only thing to make me smile for the day.
you check up on people a lot. you have this unconditional caring for other people. it's seriously a beautiful thing and i know that so many people, myself included, would be extremely saddened if we were to lose you.

i definitely understand these feelings of sadness and isolation. when i would feel those things during my fight through depression, my counselor would always tell me to find a "purpose" or go back to doing the thing that makes me feel whole. find things that give your life new meaning. get to know the people who are already in your life better. smile at strangers more. all of these things help me when i get depressed, and i really hope they help you too.
this is just a setback. you can still get better.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I don't know if anyone would miss me - October 5th 2017, 06:53 PM

Hi,

I am so sorry that you are having a really hard time right now with this. I'm very glad that you posted so that we can do our best to help you out with this. When you feel as everything is going wrong and you don't know what to do, it sometimes feels like you should just give up and that would be the best answer but it's not. I know that somethings are a lot harder to fix than other and whatever you are going through can be fixed it may just need more time and help. And I am so sorry that you are feeling like this right now. I would miss you, I know that we haven't talked that much but we have helped out on the helplink together posting on the same ones. Do you have a really good friend, that you can talk to with about this? And tell them what you are going through. Also you can put on music, or a funny TV show or go for a walk to pick you up or can you be with your friends to also help you with this. I really hope that you will be ok soon. Lots of hugs.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I don't know if anyone would miss me - October 5th 2017, 08:00 PM

Hey Tort,

I know we don't talk as much as we used to since I've been so busy, but I just want you to know that I do care about you. I can guarantee you, that your mom would in fact miss you more than just a little. She would be completely devastated that she lost her child. The way I've started thinking is how would I feel if my future child decided to kill themselves. I know it's tough, but it's true.

I really think that you should reach out and ask for help. I know it's hard, but it's the first step you need to take.

Stay Strong,
Brittany .



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stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.


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Re: I don't know if anyone would miss me - October 5th 2017, 08:12 PM

Hey Tort, I know we give each other a hard time but I would be saddened if anything were to happen to you. As Britt said, your mum would be devastated if you died. I think it's important to reach out to someone to talk to when you're feeling like this, you don't have to go through it alone. I'm here for the serious stuff too, so if you want to talk don't hesitate in dropping me a PM.

You're like a bratty, but loveable little cousin to me.
   
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Re: I don't know if anyone would miss me - October 6th 2017, 06:20 AM

I've felt that way many times.

Sorry you're feeling that way.

A psychiatrist mentioned in a lecture that he now tells his patients just how devastating a suicide can be to family and friends. It's apparently more than just a minor, "Glad that person isn't around anymore." It's more like a devastating class 5 hurricane that wreaks havoc on everyone for years to come. People have to go to counseling and therapy and it's really hard to get over.

At least that's what this psychiatrist said. (He's been around for a very long time.)
   
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Re: I don't know if anyone would miss me - October 7th 2017, 12:59 AM

Thank you for reaching out, Tort,

This is a place to express these kinds of feelings and thoughts you're having. Sharing is a burden halved. Because we are hear to listen and support as much as possible. You choosing to reach out and vent rather than keep it inside is one way this forum can be used. So no worries about the topic.

Just seeing from what others have said, it sounds like you're cared about here at the very least. I know I would miss you, Tort. We would be devastated and broken.

I'm sorry things seem to be getting tough again after doing okay for a while. It can be terrifying feeling like we are returning back to a dark place, some of us even promise ourselves we won't return to. It's okay to be afraid and it is good you're noticing any possible signs that indicate you may be slipping or depression seems to be flaring up.

It can be hard to figure out whether a depression episode is coming up. But if you do find yourself struggling, know that you can reach out here on the forum, in chat, Helplink or Livehelp if it is available. You can also message me if you want.

Take care of yourself and please hang in there Tort
   
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Re: I don't know if anyone would miss me - October 8th 2017, 03:53 AM

I would notice. Hang in there. PM me whenever!!




Life's a tough b**ch, but you are tougher. Go show it who's boss. <lots of love and hugs>
   
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Re: I don't know if anyone would miss me - October 8th 2017, 10:08 AM

Hi, I am new here and I don't know you but your post is not a bummer it is really important. Even though you may not feel like people see you as important they really do care about. They may not come out and say it all time or go out of there way to show you all the time, but deep down inside especially your family they really do.

Here is a little story about myself. Once I got pregnant and I was only 14 had my baby boy at 15 I thought for sure my entire family would shun me. They already seemed to look at me as this loner kid who was already disadvantaged because she was being raised by a single mom as well. Let me tell you though first I told my Mom that I was pregnant and the support I got from her was unreal, but it didn't stop there. My Grand Mom and Grand Pop, Aunts and Uncles, Cousins, all supported me and showed me that they were with me through this and loved me. Even my close friends(the ones that matter) stuck by me and still do even though I can't spend much time with them and they show me love. So believe it or not there are a lot of people out there even though they may not say it all the time they do care and love you and would miss you.
   
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Re: I don't know if anyone would miss me - October 11th 2017, 02:25 AM

@TheAtomicBlade You ask a question that has crossed my mind many times and yes initially I sit there and can come up with every reason why all my close friends and family would careless if I was gone or not. Then I take a step back and think what my therapist has told me to do in this situation many times. She first tells me to make two lists. One list one why close friends and family wouldn't miss me and the other on why they would miss me. Once that is done go down the list and pick out some memories from that list of specific things with specific friends or family and go over those memories in my head. Once I do all that I not only have a much longer list of why close friends and family would miss me plus a ton of positive memories of things that we have shared that I would lose if I would end it all. It usually changes my perspective and works for me. Just something to try and think about. I hope this helps just a little bit.


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Re: I don't know if anyone would miss me - October 11th 2017, 07:46 PM

Hey,

I am sorry you are struggling so much right now. I think, that when we are struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts, our minds can be clouded by those things and we don't see things clearly. What I mean is that when a person is depressed they might believe that the people around them do not care and that their family would be able to move forward if they completed suicide. I know that I struggle with these thoughts quite a bit. When I am feeling overly depressed or suicidal I start thinking that in the long run my family would be better off without me.

The truth is that our family and friends would be quite devastated if we were to pass away. I think that your mom would likely be quite devastated if anything happened to you. It is hard for a parent to lose their child and I don't think the parent ever truly gets over it.

Lastly, if you weren't around, I would definitely miss you. I know we don't talk a lot but you are always encouraging and you try hard to be supportive.

Hang in there and I hope that things start to get better for you soon.


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