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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Chaotic_ Offline
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Name: Cass
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It Doesn't Matter. - October 8th 2017, 10:58 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So, my depression comes and goes in cycles.
Usually it'll stick around for a couple of weeks and then it leaves for a few weeks or months.
Right now I'm in the middle of of depressive cycle that started a few days ago.
I've been feeling really down and sort of just "stuck,"
Today I sort have felt passively suicidal. Basically I don't have a plan, and I'm not going to go out of my way to literally do anything but I have all of the intrusive thoughts like:

"My fiance would get over it."
"My parents are raising a baby, they wouldn't notice."
"My friends have other friends,"
" My counselor is prepared to deal with the death of a patient."
" You won't be stuck anymore if something happens."

And the shitty part if I have nobody to tell any of this too. My family is completely off limits when it comes to my mental illness, my fiance and friends would either freak or not take it seriously, I have no idea how my counselor would react. I literally can't tell a soul and I think that's making it even worse right now.

Sometimes when I'm in this cycle I wish I had my counseling more than twice a month. Because I just don't know what to do. :/
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Abbidabbidoo Offline
My life is my baby boy Jackson
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Re: It Doesn't Matter. - October 8th 2017, 11:07 PM

Chaotic. First I think the best thing you did was start a thread about this and opening up to others on how you are feeling inside. That is a huge step in my opinion. The thoughts you are having are of course something to take serious even though you say there is no plan on acting out on anything.

I know if I comment on your thought about what the others are thinking that may not be the best thing to do at this time so I won't. I just want you to know since you reached out here and even though you don't know me and I am really only a kid I am on here a lot and different times of the day and nights because I have a 2 month old baby boy and Nursing him gets me up at weird times. So if you ever need to chat please feel free to PM me and I will try to get back to you ASAP. Like I said I don't even know you and because you have reached out with your post I am choosing to care.
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del677 Offline
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Re: It Doesn't Matter. - October 9th 2017, 09:30 AM

A good councelor should understand. It's what they train for and specialize in.


Peers like us of course totally understand, because I've been there more times than I care to number.

I try to take note when I am happy, because I need that reminder when I'm depressed, that it hasn't always been this way, and will probably pass.

Much harder when you have no one to turn to.

We're out there.

Thank you for sharing.
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.Brittany. Offline
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Re: It Doesn't Matter. - October 9th 2017, 04:53 PM

Hi Cass,

I completely understand where you're coming from. My thoughts are a non stop whirlwind. It's definitely hard to deal with, but just remember you're not alone. You have all of us here for you. We all care about you, we would notice if you were to go. As Abbi said, the best thing you can do is start a thread, that way you're at least reaching out for help.

Are you on any kinds of medications? If not I would recommend at least looking into them. They should help once you find the right one for you, as they are different for every person.

Lastly, I think that you should reach out to your counsellor. There's only so much we can do from a distance, that you might need some more support from someone who's physically there with you.

Stay Strong,

“You are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.”

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