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Elle_94 Offline
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I just give up... letting some feelings out - October 13th 2017, 08:43 PM

I'm just sick of my life. No matter what I do it goes wrong. I try my best but I always fail. I worked so hard at my A Levels but still did rubbish and have ended up at a terrible university. I tried super hard to get a part time job and after hundreds of rejections I finally got a job I liked and that paid okay... but the company has shut down and now I'm unemployed again. I didn't even get a "sorry" or a "good luck for the future" from them. They literally just sent a p45 through the post to me and sent me on my way. That's how little they cared and how little I contributed. I want to be a teacher but I'll need a first or at least an upper second to get there... I'm never going to do it. I'm not smart enough and I don't have the patience or the determination to do it even of I was. I'm useless.

I have absolutely no friends either. The only people who give a damn about me are my mom and my sister. I have a boyfriend but I know he's only with me because I'm just an easy, convenient option for him and it's just simpler than trying to chase after a hot, clever, funny, interesting girl. Even if I did have friends and some decent grades and a job... I'd still be fat (and I can't lose weight and keep it off either), I'd still be ugly, I'm still never going to have a partner that really wants and loves me.

My family are totally disappointed in me too because Im not as successful as my sister. She's beautiful and has a masters degree from a global top 75 university and she's funny and sweet and good at everything.

I have no money either and I'm tired of always being poor.

I don't want to go to the doctors because they'll just judge me and tell me to stop wasting their time and moaning about my life. There's people that have lost limbs and people who are starving to death who are just getting on with stuff. What do I have to complain about in comparison? Either that or they'll just chuck anti depressants at me. I'm sick of this.
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del677 Offline
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Re: I just give up... letting some feelings out - October 15th 2017, 06:24 AM

Thank you for writing.

I feel your pain.

This is one of those cases where the answer is totally unobvious except in hindsight.

You're trying too hard.

I know it doesn't make any sense. How can one achieve anything by trying less?

It's not achievement you need. You're burning yourself out. You're burned out. You've tried so hard you've burned out your engine.

I note that you want to be a teacher. This suggests to me you might have the "Guardian" personality type, since those people often yearn to be teachers. I suggest go to http://www.keirsey.com and look up the Guardian personality type (look under "The Four Temperaments" for "Guardian".) See if you identify with that. You can also check the book Please Understand Me II by David Keirsey, and read the chapter on the Guardian. See if you identify with the description given there. (The "II" just means 2nd expanded edition.) It helps to know oneself.

(When I read the chapter describing me, I felt like the author had been stalking me all my life! How did this complete stranger who's never met me, how could he possibly describe me so perfectly? It was eye opening! He knew more about me than I knew myself!)

As for recovering from burn out, research ways to activate the body's Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS). People who burn out tend to be stuck with the opposite, their body's Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS) is endlessly engaged, and they burn out. Learn how to deactivate that, and activate the body's PNS. Then teach it to your students when you become a teacher, which you will, because that's what you were born to be.

One doesn't become a teacher by going to school. One becomes a teacher by getting hired as a teacher. All you have to do is convince someone to hire you. You can get hired as an assistant. A teacher will see the potential in you and will chose you over everyone else, because you were born to be a teacher, because you have a love and passion for that. [That's why I suggested reading Please Understand Me II, to better understand your passion.]

OK I must admit it's easier to get hired if one has a credential. It doesn't matter if you get it from the best school in the country, or the worst, as long as it counts. A psychologist once asked me, "What do they call the medical student who graduates at the bottom of his class?" The answer: They call him "Doctor."

Sister is all super successful? I bet she's not a teacher. She's not you.

The other thing that helps is finding a support group of like minded people. Easy to say, hard to do. The mind resonates to being surrounded by people who accept you as you are, flaws and all. That's why AA groups work and are so successful world wide. Other alcoholics accept one another, accept that someone else also has a drinking problem, because they do too. It's brilliant because it works. People realize they're not the only one, there are many others just like them. But it's not the realizing that, it's the being together with other people that relaxes the mind and helps activate the Parasympathetic Nervous System.

Yoga, Qi-gong, Tai-Chi, Meditation groups, or any group activity can also be just as helpful.

And you can find a spiritual direction. All those "recovery" groups have a spiritual underpinning. They have all sorts of daily readers (e.g. "Courage to Change", etc.) (Spiritual doesn't necessarily mean religious. It means different things to different people.)

People burn out, they become disconnected, they turn to drugs, alcohol, or depression. We need to get them reconnected, de-stressed, relaxed, (not the same as lazy. Truly relaxed people become energized.)

Best wishes. Sorry that's all I know.

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