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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
AshlaTano Offline
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Unhappy I want to die - October 24th 2017, 10:06 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

This is my first time ever on a forum and I don't exactly know how this works, but I just wanna tell you about me and I hope I can get advice.

I'm 15 years old and I live in the Netherlands, so I'm sorry if my English is bad. I've been feeling down for a few months now, not thinking good things of myself and wanting to die. Some friends on Instagram said that I may have depression, but I don't know about that. I don't even know what depression really is.
I've been thinking things like: I'm worthless, I'm a failure, I'm a pathetic screw up who doesn't do anything right, no one would miss me when I'm dead... Stuff like that. I'm also getting bullied in school which definitely isn't helping. It makes me think about what's wrong with me.I even have started to cut my arms because nobody cares about me. No one knows. No one knows that I cut or about what's going on in my head. And it's just too much... I have times that I want to die because everything is too much...

I don't know what to do...

Can anybody help me?

Also, is this what I have really depression, or just feeling down?

Last edited by AshlaTano; October 24th 2017 at 10:59 AM.
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Re: I want to die - October 24th 2017, 04:26 PM

Hello and welcome to teenhelp we are so glad that you have joined. And you have done a great job saying what is going on with you.

I am so sorry that you are having a hard time with this right now and you are not feeling like yourself too. When you are feeling like this it's hard to find a way to be ok or even happy. Do you have a school counselor that you can talk about this to them and let them know that you are going through a hard time right now? Sometimes when things are going wrong we can get into this feeling and not know what to do or how to fix this problem and then you start getting upset about it and you become depressed. Also when you are taking on new things as harder school work or if you are in a spot at school and it's too much this can also upset you too. Sometimes when we are like this, we don't know how to fix the problem. Can you put on a funny movie or TV show to help pick you up? You can also put on music too, this can also help. Do you have friends that you can call and see if you are able to get out of the house and do something. If you are able to find something that gives you a little bit of hope or happiness, this can help pick yourself up and you can start to feel a little bit better.

You said that you're getting bullied at school and I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. Can you try talking to you're parents or someone at school about this? A teacher or school counselor or someone that you trust and have them help you out with this.

You said you have started to cut, and when you feel like this you want to try to get you're mind off of this feeling. Going for a walk, talking to a friend, putting on funny movies and you can get a rubber band or a hair tie and put it around you're wrist and every time you get this feeling you can snap it to get you're mind off of it. Also coming on like you did you can also do too. And we have other areas that can help you out too when you need more help, helplink, live help and support forms.

I hope that you will be ok soon. Please try not to be too hard on yourself also. I wish you the best.
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Re: I want to die - October 24th 2017, 07:45 PM

Hi there,

Welcome to TeenHelp!

I'm sorry that you're going through such a rough time at such a young age. I was quite young when my depression/suicidal thoughts started. I just want to point out that we're not professionals, so we are unable to diagnose you, for that you would need to go to a family physician. You've already taken the first large step, which was reaching out for help You should be so proud of yourself

Are you able to go see a doctor and describe to them how you're feeling?

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Re: I want to die - October 25th 2017, 08:21 AM

I don't know if I want anyone to know about it... I'm afraid that no one will understand... And I don't want my parents to know about this... I don't know why, I just... don't want them to know....

About putting on funny movies or TV-shows: I have tried to take my mind off things by watching movies or playing games, and while I do it it helps taking my mind off things. But when the movie or game is finished, I start to feel bad again... To be honest I don't think I've been truly happy for months now, I usually fake smiles and say I'm fine even when I'm not.

I also don't really have the motivation to do anything at all. Homework, going out with my family, reading, doing sports... The only thing I still like to do is drawing, because I can draw how I feel... Which is the reason I don't show anyone my drawings.

I am also tired all the time, and I don't know why because I sleep long enough... Could it have anything to do with me feeling down?

And another question: is there any way I could find out if I have depression without telling an adult about how I feel?
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Re: I want to die - October 28th 2017, 03:49 AM

Hey there,

This sadness that you are feeling could definitely be contributing to your lack of motivation. I know it's a struggle but one of the best things you can do for yourself is try and force yourself to do some things. Get out of the house, interact with friends and family and try and do some of the things you used to love. It might be hard to do at first but it's possible that after some time you will find the love for some of those things again.

As for getting a diagnosis, the only way to get an accurate diagnosis is to see a professional who is able to diagnosis you. This would likely require that you talk to adults in your life. I know the thought of reaching out to your parents or other adults might seem scary but it could also be the first step towards you starting to get help for all this. When/if you start to receive help you might start to realize that you do not have to live life feeling this sad all the time.

I hope that this helped and if you need anything feel free to message me.

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Re: I want to die - October 28th 2017, 08:27 AM

[Edited] a doctor will understand. Especially a doctor who specializes in this kind of thing. A psychiatrist is a doctor who specializes in this thing. They see it all the time. It's very common in their patients.

A psychologist is a "talk therapist". They can be helpful too. The good ones should understand and refer you to a psychiatrist doctor who can treat the underlying problem, while a talk therapist can be helpful too while you're looking for the cure.

It might be something as simple as low thyroid. They can do a test for that. Or it may be one of those untestable things, where they know there are a lot of different medications which have helped other people in the past, and the only problem is there's no laboratory test to tell them in advance which medication will be the one that works for you. They may just try you on all of them, one by one, until you find the one that works for you.

This can take a long time, and be discouraging, because a long time is exactly what you don't want to think about when you're suffering this.

I've been through it myself. A lot of people have. We're the ones who understand right away. We see those cut marks and immediately feel sad and sorry for you because we know how much torture you are enduring. [Edited]

And [Edited] affects your view of the world. I've experienced it so many times myself, and I never get used to it. When I'm depressed, the whole world is exactly as you describe it. That went on for years. Then I found the medication that works for me, and the whole world got better, which was the weirdest thing, because I'm pretty sure the world didn't change, I think it was just me.

That was when I finally understood the problem with the picture of the world I was seeing. The problem wasn't with the picture, the problem was with the camera. I was broken. I needed fixing. My doctor understood that. I didn't, until afterwards.

Seriously now the world is fine. Well, the world isn't fine, but at least it doesn't hurt to be alive anymore.

Anyone who has not had this experience, and doesn't know anyone who has, will probably not understand.

I don't know if your parents would understand. It may depend on how educated they are, and if depression runs in your family.

I do know there are a lot of us out there who do understand. We recognize it, we understand it, we know what to do to treat it and get you better.

We just don't know that you have it. We know there are young people out there who have this serious problem, and they don't understand it's a medical problem
, because it's unlike other medical problems, and it doesn't seem like a medical problem, it seems like a problem with the world, and part of may actually be problems with the world which exacerbate it a lot.

[Edited] . And it's treatable. So keep hope that you have access to a good doctor who should be trained to watch out for these signs and recognize them. Since that's what doctors are supposed to be good at, is recognizing medical problems and treating them.

So keep hope that in our modern age we have advanced medical medications and ways of treating medical problems, and in the long run you'll probably be eventually OK, and quite a wonderful person, whom others will eventually look up to as one of the better, nicer people, who really care about other people, which makes you very attractive, because that's what people are really looking for in a mate.

Best wishes. I hope the Netherlands has good doctors! (P.S. your English is perfect!)

Last edited by .:Bibliophile:.; November 3rd 2017 at 09:35 PM. Reason: Please do not diagnose people or indicate that people might have a certain diagnosis
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