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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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bluryface Offline
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My life is terrible as HELL !(unleash feelings) - October 26th 2017, 09:49 AM

i don't know how to start writing because i'm crying so hard right now while i'm typing these words .
i'm having the worst life ever and i don't want to live anymore :
i don't have friends / i don't have a boyfriend / i don't have a lovely family
i don't go to university (you know university days are the happiest days of a teenager's life ) my GPA in high school is 80% which is normal and scholarships require an excelent outstandaing GPA anyway the point is can't afford university so i'm becoming just an introvert spending 99.9% of my life at home ( ew )
i'm scared of my future i don't know where i'll 10 years later .. i'm just taking some onilne free courses
i know that many people don't have friends but at least they have parents loves them .but for me it's completely a different situations . i'm the younger in my family and i'll tell you about my parents they are the worst .. they hate me and never made a birthday party for me and everytime i have an argument with my father he tell me that he hate me since i was born .. WHY whatever i talk to them about my dreams they mock of me and i got i get frustrated. when i was a kid i used to talk to them and tell em about my problems but my mom can't keep secrets she tells everything to people even when she meet strangers in somewhere !! ( it's unbelievable ) when i feel sick and need to go to doctor they don't care they just say that i'm untruthful . now let's talk about my sister she is older than me. she goes shopping whatever she wants and buy everything she like . my brother call me a failure like what the hell i'm only 18 he don't have to judge me . i try not to listen to him but i can't .. his words turns into negative feelings that i cant control i'm feeling so empty and killed inside . i'm 18 now and never laughed hard since i was 13 . the happiest thing that i can do to treat myself is watching a movie ( at home.. i have never went to cinema )
when i was a child i loved music and i had passion of it so i asked them to buy a guitar but they thinks that learning music is bullshit so they ignored me and buried the talent ,after 9 years i went to store myself and bought a cheap one but i don't feel encouraged enough like i was in the past. i know that it's so so embarrassing to write that and i'm sure no one can help me cause t's a complex situation but i'm exploding and there is no one to talk to . i'm expecting someone to answer : oh you should go and talk to a therapist . that's won't work trust me.
UGHHHHHHH what a tough life . btw do you know any guaranteed way for sui**** ?

Last edited by bluryface; October 26th 2017 at 10:26 AM.
   
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Re: My life is terrible as HELL !(unleash feelings) - October 26th 2017, 12:34 PM

Hello, I am so sorry that you are having a really hard time right now. Sometimes when you feel that everything is going wrong or you do not have anyone in you're life to talk with about this it can be really hard and you don't know what to do or how to pick yourself up. I'm glad that you were able to come on and tell us about this and how you are feeling. You said that you used to like music, do you think that you can put on some music and go for a walk and see if this can try and help pick you up. You can also try putting on a movie or TV show that is funny and this can make you laugh and this can take you're mind off of what's going on for a while.

Anyway you can try talking with you're school counselor and let them know about what's going on and ask them for help with this.
I hope that it gets better for you soon. Hugs.
   
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Re: My life is terrible as HELL !(unleash feelings) - October 27th 2017, 03:39 PM

Hello there,
I'm sorry you feel this way and your family is being so horrible. You definitely don't deserve it.
Though I want you to know that things can get better
I made my first real friends (except one) when I was 21. I had my first relationship when I was 22. People like you and me just need a bit longer than others to finde the people we click with. And I'm sure one day you will meet amazing friends and find a partner. Just because you haven't found them by now doesn't mean anything.
What you family does is horrible. You don't deserve it. Sadly we can't change to which family we are born, but one day you will have a job and you will be able to get away from them and nothing they say or think will matter then. They might be in your life right now, but one day you can shut them out, if you chose to

About school and university... well university doesn't necessarily have to be the greatest time in life. The first Uni I went to made me suicidal. It's not for everyone and trust me live can be absolutely great even if you don't go to University
You also don't have to go there to get a job. Maybe you can look into other options. There should be some job offers, maybe apprenticeships ore something. Just think about what might interest you. Or what is interesting you now and see of there are any jobs that have to do with it. And if you start something and it doesn't fit you then try something else. The route you chose isn't set in stone. You can always try again. There will be something you like eventually

Last but not least, noone here will tell you about suicide and how to do it. Besides there is no garantueed way. And thats good. Because even if you don't want to hear it. It does get better! I didn't belive it back then and I guess you probably won't believe it either but it will. I promise!
If you feel suicidal, talk to someone. I know you said you therapists won't help, but guess what, I said the same.
And it doesn't have to be a therapist either. Talk to a hotline, a doctor, us, anyone.
Again, I know it feels like its never going to get better and talking to someone won't help as they can't change all the bad things in your life.
But it does and it will.
I didn't believe it until I was hospitalized. There I learned that talking actually DOES help. That things might not get better, but I can MAKE them get better.
And you don't need to feel embarassed. Many people have been where you are and many people will get there in the future.

P.s. I think this needs a Trigger warning. Maybe you can change that


It's ok to give in to an urge or make a mistake. You are only human and we all have our flaws. We all have our weak moments and we all make mistakes. Thats what makes us human.
Thats what makes us unique and beautiful

Courage isn't always a loud roar. Sometimes it is a quiet whisper at the end of a day saying: Tomorrow I will try it again!


Last edited by Lionheart; October 27th 2017 at 04:23 PM.
   
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Re: My life is terrible as HELL !(unleash feelings) - October 28th 2017, 02:45 AM

Hey there,

It sounds as though things are quite tough right now. I want you to know that things can get better. It can be really hard when our family is not supportive and I am sorry that you are having to deal with that.

One thing I am wondering is, if, maybe, you could look into getting a job? Jobs can be a great way to try and go about making friends and it might help you to get out of the house a bit. Also, if you were to get a job you might start to feel better about your future because it might open your eyes to some of the things you can accomplish.

Are there any ways that you could go about meeting people in your area? I am not 100% certain where you are located, but, there might be a way to do a google search and find some groups or meetups in your area. This ended up helping me find a great book club in my City and I have been making friends with some of the girls.

If you can, it might be worth looking in to getting some help from a counselor or something. They can help you find coping skills for some of these overwhelming feelings.

Best regards.


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